I moved to Vancouver, BC in August 2009 to continue studying towards an MDiv at Regent College. There have been some challenges since I’ve been here, but it’s been overall good so far studying in Vancouver. I think I’m growing more than I realize.
My trip up was full of blessings, encouragement, and provision. Many people extended hospitality as I trekked over 3,000 miles in my 1998 F150 from Louisiana to BC. I made new friends and visited old ones. One of my favorite re-connections was with a girlfriend from high school who now lives in Salt Lake City; we hadn’t spoken in years but she answered a Facebook message the day I was traveling through SLC and offered me a place to stay at her parents’ house. The re-connection wasn’t romantic, but it was a good visit, and she and her family were very kind to me. I am grateful. I also got to see friends from Baton Rouge, Germany, Jamaica, Denver, and made friends with Scum of the Earth Church members in Seattle. I enjoyed visiting with Scum of the Earth in Denver too; there are good people who love Jesus and others well there. I was definitely encouraged and excited to pull into Vancouver on Sunday August 30, 2009 to begin a new phase of life.
I completed my second fulltime term at Regent in mid-April—I’m 44.4% (40 out of 90 credits) complete now. My first term was one characterized by an increased awareness of how little I know in theology and life in general—and how much I have to learn. My second term was one characterized by self-reflection. In both terms my desire has been for my studies to bring me and others closer to our Loving Father now and in the future.
This summer I plan to stay busy serving briefly in Baton Rouge (ASNS even plans to play a show when I’m in BR!) and Jamaica and taking 9 more credits at Regent. So I should be at the halfway mark towards the MDiv by August! This will allow me to slow down the pace a bit and finish up by April 2012 without much difficulty—God willing. The first two terms have been about 40 hours a week of school work, which has frequently left me often mentally exhausted—since most of these hours are demanding on the mind—processing lecture and reading material, writing papers, translating text, preaching and working on sermons, reflecting, and trying to maintain an attitude of worship through all these studies. But it’s been good as I’ve said; I’m grateful to be here and pleased with what I’m learning.
Honestly my biggest struggle since I’ve moved here has been building relationships. The process of making friends is slow for me and frustrating. I know this may surprise some people who read this. It’s easy for me to even fool myself and allow this idea that I’m slow at building friends to be a surprise to me too. However in reality I am slow at building deep relationships. This is a fact for me. In itself I do not believe it’s a fault, just a fact. And there are some exceptions, but in general I build lasting relationships slowly and once they are formed they’re formed to last. I can easily go wide—knowing lots of people superficially—but this is not satisfying for me. It takes me a while (usually years) to go deep: to know someone and to be known by that person to a point where I believe we can both feel satisfied, comfortable, and honest within that relationship, able to give and to receive.
I expected in this environment of Christian theological graduate education for relational building to happen faster and easier. This has not been the case and this realization has required adjustment in my expectations. In my experience in general persons in Vancouver and people at Regent (and I don’t know if Vancouver and Regent are really significantly different from any other place I’ve lived) have basically been nice and polite to me, but not always friendly and inviting. And according to some persons in order for true community to happen an invitation must be made to the outsider—an outsider cannot invite himself or herself into community. So aside from one significant error in judgment (which I believe was well-intentioned) by one Regent student (PLEASE DON’T DO THIS NO MATTER HOW WELL-MEANING YOUR INTENTIONS ARE BY THE WAY!)—who basically told me that numerous people find me odd for intuitive, intangible, elusive—as opposed to anything specific—reasons (or this person was unwilling to be forthright with me about what these reasons were)—most people have not been cruel or mean to me—but they haven’t necessarily been very inviting either. If they have then I’ve missed it. Of course there have been exceptions, and I’ve been thankful for these.
I also expected that there would have been more romantic interest on my part in my time at Regent. Women and men who love Jesus spending lots of time together—this makes sense. This has not been the case for me though. There have been some mild crushes on my part which last a few days, weeks, or months, but no one I have felt compelled to date. This has been a surprise. But I’m not despairing about this; I have two more years to be up here (God willing). And even if I don’t find a wife here, that’s ok too.
But romantics aside, basically up here I have often felt misunderstood or ignored. I don’t know that this feeling is actually foreign to me, but at least in Louisiana I did have close relationships to lean on as well. And truthfully, I’m not trying to make this problem all about me. I believe even if a person feels ignored and misunderstood that person (especially if s/he is a Christian) is still responsible for inviting others in—for building community with those God has placed in his or her life. I haven’t done the best job at this, though I have tried. And just as I feel ignored and misunderstood I have often not done what God has asked me to do to mitigate such feelings in others. Furthermore Jesus did everything right and He was misunderstood, ignored, and even killed. Therefore I can give myself some slack: I am not perfect; others are not perfect—misunderstandings will inevitably occur. I need to focus on serving others more than being served. This is the way of following Christ. I know this, but so far it’s been a struggle, and forming relationships has been hard. [Please pray for me in this.]
Even so, I continue to attend social events, invite others into the things I am doing, play music with others when I’m invited, invite others to play music with me, pray with others, play Ultimate Frisbee, go to church (I have been going to a Pentecostal church in the mornings and a Presbyterian church in the evenings), serve as a musician at churches and at Regent, continue to slowly build relationships here, maintain relationships with friends across the world (through Skype, phone calls, and e-mails), self-reflect, speak with others about direction, and in general keep pressing on—knowing that God sustains and directs.
So yeah. There have been some struggles since I’ve relocated about nine months ago. I acknowledge these, but overall things have been good. Since January in particular I’ve been doing more self-reflection; this is hard, but useful and good. I think as we know ourselves better we end up loving God more (or at least more easily) because we trust Him more and fight with Him less. As we understand who He’s created us to be and accept who He’s created us to be then we naturally fall in line with His design for our lives.
In addition to a few introspective papers, I’ve enjoyed working on papers on hearing God’s Voice, private confession in the Protestant Church, views of laughter in the early church, and lyrics of contemporary music in the Church. I’ve enjoyed preparing and delivering a few sermons. I’ve (mostly) enjoyed playing music in and around Vancouver. I’ve enjoyed the atmosphere surrounding the Olympics and Paralympics (and even saw a fun sledge hockey match!)
I’m becoming more aware of my passion for playing music. This is challenging. I’m not an excellent musician. I am good, but not great, and I would like to invest in becoming a better musician. (Particularly I have an interest to learn piano, but right now I’m picking up banjo to learn at church.) Although I’m enjoying school and I believe I am called to be here, I cannot say that I’m passionate about theology in the same way I’m passionate about playing music. I don’t completely understand this, but I’m trying to be obedient to what I believe God is asking me to do and better understanding how He’s created me. I do hope there will be a time when I can invest some serious time into playing music again. Now does not seem to be the season thought.
However I can honestly say I feel less alive when I’m not writing and playing with A Soup Named Stew (or Stand Up Citizens) or some other group. So far although I’ve played some one-off shows with groups here, no band has actually developed—probably because I’m so invested in school. But I’m praying about this, and there’s still some time I suppose.
In the process of becoming more aware of my passion to play music I’m becoming increasingly impressed (negatively) with a company that is supposed to be helping me with marketing, promotion, and booking. I was skeptical to get involved with a Christian company because too often people slap Jesus’ Name onto some endeavor in order to promote mediocrity, incompetence, and an unwillingness to honor their words. Sadly this has been my general trajectory of repeated experience with this company; thankfully this has not been my comprehensive experience. Also I recently discovered the Parallel Records site is going down.
Some of the things I’ve been thinking about lately have been: the importance of first reminding myself of God’s Love for me and His children before I pray for anything; who God has truly created David Loti to be; adoration is the antidote for narcissism—worship of God is the goal of humanity (Johnson); “the love of God is free, spontaneous, unevoked, uncaused. God loves [humanity] because He has chosen to love them…and no reason for His love can be given save His own sovereign pleasure”—therefore it is ridiculous for humans to think we can merit God’s Love (Knowing God); how grateful I am for my friends; the addition of “mind” to the Deut. 6:5 reference Jesus uses when teaching us how to love God (Mt22/Mk12/Lk10); Psalm 70:1; listening to God and others; the nature of community; the difference between seeking goals and outcomes and the frustration when we seek outcomes (which we cannot control) instead of goals (which we can control).
So that’s some of the major stuff happening with me. I trust I’m growing more than I realize because God is more involved in my life and even better than I realize. I am grateful to be His child.
But really when you get down to it I think this sums everything up:
Thomas Kinkade painting + Velociraptor = DinoKinkade. Brilliant.
Peace be with you in this chaotic, joyful, and unpredictable journey we're on together.
davidloti=davidloti
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8.12
I’m aware of at least two areas God has been instructing me this summer. First is for proper discernment to occur for an individual a community element is almost always necessary; discernment should happen within the context of the supportive Body of Christ. Those who seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness should come alongside one another to help individuals discern. Second is the relationship between service, humility, and submission. They all go together. We recognize our humble position: God is in charge, and we are His subjects. We serve God; God does not serve us. In order to be a true servant one must be submitted to the one in charge. God is Good and Loving. He has chosen us when we have been jerkwads to Him. Our response should be to serve Him and do the Loving, Good things He asks of us. In submission we don’t always get to know all the details as the master does, but in submission we are free from the need to complain. When we complain it is because we have unmet expectations and we want to control things. When we surrender our control in service to Christ we can trust in His Goodness and Sovereignty. We can pray instead of complaining when we serve God. God is not a punk, and He knows what’s going on in our lives. He wants willing, humble servants who trust in who He is. This is the type of person I would like to be.
Recently I was affirmed by a team of fellow servants in youth ministry. Many said a word they saw in my life was integrity. I was semi-shocked about this. I think most of the time people affirm me in this sort of setting they say I’m funny (not that you would ever know it just by reading my thoughts). Maybe sometimes they say I’m passionate too. Sometimes my musical talents come up. Those are all fine things for which I’m thankful and decently self-aware; therefore that’s really what I expected to hear in this affirmation session. But when the word integrity came out a few times I didn’t know how to respond. To my recollection integrity is not a word that has come up often to describe my life in these contexts. In my analytical pessimism I’m wondering if these persons didn’t know me very well so they just said something nice and buzz word group-think occurred. Hopefully not though; I have spent numerous hours with these people, so they know things about me. I’m hoping instead God blessed me with a fresh word to encourage me, and He was working through them for me to receive the message that even with my shortcomings He’s pleased with me. I certainly strive to be a man of integrity (particularly in God’s Eyes), but I didn’t think I was doing a great job at it—I mean not enough for that to be the primary word defining me in others’ eyes. I know I can always do better and I’ve got my sins like anyone else so I was just surprised that integrity came up to describe me. I struggle with self-centeredness, and I struggle even more with even caring about how self-centered I really am—and that scares me! But I always want to trust in who God is—Merciful, Grace giving, and Faithful: God not only forgives me when I never could earn it (Merciful); He blesses me on top of that Mercy (Grace giving); also He is committed to complete the project He’s begun in David Loti (Faithful). Oh yes! I want my understanding of God to change me, and to solicit the appropriate response: to live a life of integrity.
I’m about to turn 29. I cannot help but think about Five Iron Frenzy’s At Least I'm Not Like All Those Other Old Guys. I’m excited my friends Andy and Shannon are throwing me a going away/birthday party. That will be extra nice. I have good friends. In fact on Sunday in church I started to cry thinking about the people I’m leaving in Baton Rouge (and maybe a bit too on how clueless I seem in my life). But I’m off to some good things in Canada. I think it’ll be super sweet. I’m excited. Here we go on an adventure! I don’t know where it’ll lead, but I sense in the future we will find it served our greatest need.
You are loved and appreciated.
davidloti=davidloti
4.30
I’m still working with students at First Pres. Youth ministry is difficult, but it’s worthwhile. I’m very thankful for my job and the chance to pour into people. I just pray God is using me to help students know they are Loved and know the God who Loves them. I trust He is using me, but I am well aware of my inadequacy in modeling and communicating the Love of Christ in a language a high school student can understand; this makes ministry difficult. But I really like this idea that God doesn’t call us to do things we can do on our own. Brilliant!
Another part of what makes youth ministry difficult is the constant knowledge that there’s always more you can do—when it comes to ministry there’s always something that will go unfinished until Christ returns! Of course not even Jesus said yes to everything He could have done during His life. There were opportunities He turned down; if for no other reason His human limitations disallowed Him from being at all places at the same time. Such is true with us, and we all have choices and are in the business of prioritizing things. Perhaps the best Followers of Christ are those who really understand God’s priorities and use this knowledge in making decisions.
We cannot say yes to everything; not only will we turn down some poor choices, we’ll also have to turn down some good, God-honoring choices in favor of different or better God-honoring choices. Of course this looming sense of incompletion can cause the hours of youth ministry to be long and hard to manage. In all honesty I have limited myself and protected my time in service at First Pres, and although I’ve certainly made some good choices in my ministry, I have probably said yes to some things I should have said no to, and vice versa. In 2 years working 50 hours a week I’ve worn myself out.
So ministry can be discouraging, but this discouragement seems most likely to happen when we take our eyes off Christ. But man! What worthwhile work. I’m so grateful to be at FPC Baton Rouge! Just thinking that a student in 10 years will say he is in a stable relationship with Christ because of my efforts is very encouraging.
Five years ago I was in Colombia, South America serving and learning with Youth With A Mission; today I’m in a truck stop in Mustang, Oklahoma listening to country music on the overhead speakers, reflecting on my life, typing out some thoughts, dodging the cold weather—especially for April (I think it’s in the 40s or 50s this afternoon, and tonight’s it’s supposed to freeze!), and killing an hour before I start the major recording sessions on my third solo record. I’m hoping to finish 8 songs in 27 hours. Hmmmmmmmmm. Should be interesting! I say the major recording sessions because I did some recording over the past two weekends in Louisiana, but I plan to get most of the stuff done this week in OK.
This is only the 4th time I’ve been in Oklahoma to my recollection: when I was born, one time when my mom and I were driving back from Missouri or Tennessee (I think) just to cross the state line since I had not been back to my birth state, on the way back from a mission trip in Chicago with Broadmoor Presbyterian probably back in 2000 or so, and today. Good times.
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A Soup Named Stew finished its second studio CD. It took about two years, but I’m very pleased with it.
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Recording went really well today. I got there at 3. We did scratches from 3:30-5:30. We did drums from about 6:30 to about 10:15. We finished all 8 songs, which was great because a few weekends ago when I was recording drums I was having a lot of problems. I think it may have been because I was trying to record with ear plugs in. I don’t know why I didn’t just try taking them out, but I didn’t really even consider it because the snare drum was so loud. Also I was pretty tired that day and the kit I played on was spaced pretty far apart—whereas I like to play a tight kit. So I think those three things contributed to the difficulty that weekend. Today was on though. That was super excellent and motivating to rock tomorrow's session!
I’m excited about the producer with whom I’m working. He’s kind, encouraging, and talented. So that’s great. I think we’re going to have a great final project!
Oklahoma is so windy. The whistling wind constantly sounds like screaming children. Tonight I think they’re expecting a possible record low. It’s pretty cold out there.
I’m spending the night at Andy’s parents’ house. Andy is one of my favorite people in the world, and during the little time I’ve spent with his mother I understand why I like Andy so much. Good folks.
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I love Andy’s parents. A few nights ago I got to hang out with them; it was very nice. We had some nice conversation, and I got to see the boat on which his dad’s been working for over 4 years. It looks like a whale! It’s huge! That’s a wild awesome project—building a boat! Inspiring.
Recording’s been going really well. Today is the fourth (and final) day, and I think we’re going to finish everything in time. We have 7 hours to complete vocals on six-and-a-half songs and do two guitar parts. Excellent. I’ve enjoyed working with Steven; he’s a quality guy.
Every day for lunch I’ve gone to Subway to grab a sandwich, and I think every day the same woman has served me. Yesterday the customer in line behind me pointed out that this woman was wearing a name tag showing she’d been working at the Love’s truck stop for 19 years! That’s amazing. She said she really didn’t enjoying working there though. Wow. 19 years. That’s commitment…or something.
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Recording went really well today. We finished everything up. Tate Music Group has some quality talent on board for certain. I am glad I got to come up here and do this recording. Tonight I was planning on driving into Dallas (and I’d probably be arriving right about now)…but there are wildfires in Oklahoma which have closed the interstate between OKC and DFW. So I am spending another evening with the delightful parents of Andy. Good folks. I’m glad it worked out this way actually because this morning I woke a few minutes early to bid Andy’s father farewell and give my thanks before he left for work. But he had already left by the time I poked my head out. So now I will have the chance tomorrow to do so. Excellent.
So since I've been here there have been record lows and wildfires. What a crazy state.
Last night I heard a good sermon on the older brother in the prodigal son parable. Good stuff. One of the interesting points the preacher made was that the party was not even for the younger brother; it was for the father because what he had lost had been found—his younger son. The preacher sited as evidence the two preceding parables in Luke 15: the lost coin and the lost sheep. The celebrations in those parables were not for the found items, but for the persons who had found the lost items. Since it is often understood these 3 parables intentionally go together, this observation informs the reading of the third so we can conclude the celebration was for the father, not the son. Good stuff. I really like the parable of the prodigal son. It reminds us how we can at times be like the younger son or at times like the older son.
I turned in my fourth Regent College class work this week. Whew hoo! I had really hoped to have everything turned in a few months ago, but I pushed the six month deadline almost to the final day. I think I had two or three days to spare. So that makes 15 hours out of 90. Nice. It was a GREAT class on discipleship. I really, really enjoyed it. I especially liked learning how important it is to make sure people understand Gen 1, 2, and 3 because this is so foundational to reading the rest of the Bible. Great, great class. I’m signed up to take a class on spiritual discernment in May—that’ll be my first trip to Canada! Then I’m hoping to move there in August to finish up school. Whew hoo!
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The new album I think is going to be called amalgam. Basically I think the title fits because the album is an amalgamation of different things: producers, instrumentations, styles, years. The whole work is a mix, much like my life: my relationship with Christ, relationships with friends, co-workers, and family, work, school, traveling, music, art, ambivalence, talents, pleasures, dislikes, and moods. Our lives are all amalgamations. So I’m excited about it because of that reason, and I just want to produce something meaningful and thoughtful to me and hopefully to others too.
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I don’t really get the Dove awards. I guess it’s supposed to be the Christ-centered version of the Grammys??? From what I’ve seen and heard of the Dove awards it seems like Christians have just ripped off an idea from the world without really analyzing it to see if it’s consistent with a Christ-centered worldview in the first place. Christians, even with good intentions, who just rip off ideas from the world and slap the name Jesus on them have done something lame. God creates; He does not rip off. Christians should create; they should not rip off.
But really my question is what’s the point of the Dove Awards? I guess to decide and publically proclaim which band, artist, producer, engineer, or whoever made the best song or best album or song most connected to God’s heart over the past year. This is my best guess to the Dove awards’ purpose, but none of these are objective. They’re entirely subjective, unless it just comes down to record sales. Record sales are objective; opinions on whose song is the most Holy Spirity are not. I mean do the judges sit and pray about who God wants to win the Dove Award? If they did I think they might be surprised at the answer...or lack of an answer.
And sure, I guess the Dove Awards are also a big party recognizing so and so for doing such and such in the mission field and donating so many dollars to whats and what. But so what?! Do they deserve a party and public recognition for doing what they’re already called to do as Followers of Christ? And more importantly is it healthy for Christians to do this to other Christians?
This leads me to the next question: assuming I’m somewhere close to the point of the Dove Awards—determining and proclaiming whose artistic creation is best based on certain criteria—is the practice of publically proclaiming that what Christian Adam created is better than what this Christian Bethany created consistent with a Christ-centered worldview? Are the Dove Awards truly centered in Christ? This is my real question? Perhaps the Dove Awards are only the result of a model copied from the world with the name Christ slapped on them. (By the way, this argument really extends not just to the Dove Awards but to so much stuff that is just Christians ripping off things from the world without analyzing them. There has got to be a difference between ripping off and redeeming! The goal of Christianity is transforming not Xeroxing!)
As previously stated, to conclude that band A’s song is better than band B’s is almost entirely subjective! Truly, who besides God is qualified to make such a judgment? And is there anything in the Bible that says we should make such judgments and give out awards in this manner? On the contrary. I’m specifically thinking about this question in light of 1 Cor 12, which speaks about how some parts of the body are less honorable, and these parts deserve to be treated with special honor. Furthermore some parts that are presentable need no special honor. In fact the body should not be divided, but should have equal concern for each other. This is the model of the Body of Christ laid out in Scripture, not competition so we can all vie for the honorable spots. The Dove Awards seem to me to be about winners and losers, rather than honoring all members of the body with equal concern. You’re either a Dove Award recipient or you’re not. You’re either the desired body part with the song of the year or you’re not.
The Awards are not so bold to explicitly state God is more pleased with person 1’s creation more than person 2’s creation, but it is so bold to state this group of judges is more pleased with person 1’s creation than person 2’s. What is that?!?
And if the Awards don’t matter then why have them at all? If they matter why do they matter, and under whose authority do they matter? Is so and so’s ministry more effective because s/he receives a Dove Award? No. Does being nominated for a Dove Award and not receiving it possible negatively impact someone’s ministry? Possibly. (I also don’t want to negate the possibility that being nominated and losing could also enhance someone’s ministry, but it seems more likely to be the exception.) Who receives the real honor in the Dove Awards? Whose name is really glorified? Yeah, there may be a lot of lip service. There are likely even many hearts aiming to please God among the people involved. But ultimately who is a Dove Award really setting out to honor?
No doubt the Dove Awards started with good intentions, and that’s probably how it got the cheesy Christianeze name: Dove, like the Holy Spirit, ahhh. That’ll be really nice. Yeah. That’ll be nice like working an 8-year old Vietnamese kid in a sweat shop for 16 hours to get 50 T-shirts with a Bible verse and a summer camp theme and logo on them at $5 a piece that’ll end up in a landfill or the thrift store in 5 years will be nice. Seemingly good idea; not thought through. Maybe I’m completely missing something about the Dove Awards, but I think more thought should have been put into getting them off the ground at all.
Moving on. I don’t know how to communicate this idea without coming across in the wrong way, but women are beautiful. I connect with God when I notice my heartbeat increase simply because I see a beautiful woman. I sense His fantastic design at those moments. And I do not mean this is any sort of unrighteous way. Ogling and lusting are not what I’m talking about. But when I see a woman who gains my interest just because I see her smile or notice her attractiveness in form I think about how it didn’t have to be that way—even purely biologically speaking. But it is that way. And it makes life fun and exciting; this just connects me to my Maker. It also reminds me it will be nice one day to have a wife (hopefully) and regularly enjoy her physical beauty in a special intimate way. ; )
I used Skype for the first time today. Excellent. It was sweet to talk to my buddy in Germany for free! Awesome. And yeah the Taco Town skit from SNL. Also awesome. Check it out on hulu.com. I watch it about once a week for laughs. Brilliant. “Pizza, now that’s what I call a taco!” Genius. I’ve also been enjoying Arrested Development. Very smart and funny. Also available on hulu.com.
Here’s an idea I’ve been reflecting on lately: we are all much worse than we think. It has two dimensions I’d like to specifically discuss. Firstly sometimes we think we’re pretty good. We think God must like us because, sure we’re not the best, but we’re far from the worst. I think most people figure they’re worse than some but better than most. We think God’s Loving and we're pretty good or good enough, so we're set. It’s sorta like many people who think they are better than average drivers and it’s everyone else who is crazy out there on the road. Well someone’s gotta be a bad driver. It could very well be me or you! Well likewise we often think we’re the better than average ones when it comes to God.
The Good News of the Gospel comes from first understanding we are so much worse than we think we are. We want to give ourselves credit for being good and earn our favor before God. But we are terrible. To God we have personally spit on Him and nailed Him to the Cross. We are quick to forget this aren’t we? So in fact we are much worse than we think we are or give ourselves credit for.
This leads me to the second dimension: sometimes we think we’re pretty bad. Sometimes we get a glimpse of how selfish we are or how much we’ve messed up. We conclude God can’t Love or forgive me because I’ve been so terrible. We start to understand how we are wretched, thoughtless, egotistical creatures. Well truthfully even with this glimpse into our decrepit nature we’re much worse than we think we are.
In both dimensions we give ourselves too much credit. When we think we’re good we’re worse than we think. Even when we think we’re bad we’re even worse (Weird Al shout out) than we think. So the Good News in all this is that God truly understands how dirty and broken and ugly we are, and He Loves us in spite of it. All our striving is failing. On our own we will always be so much worse than we give ourselves credit for. We are terrible creatures without Christ. In Christ God offers to take us out of our wretchedness, our puke-filled lives. But first we have to let go of the rope of our own self-righteousness and grab on to the rope He offers to us to lift us out.
It’s sorta like this: we’re trapped in a well and there’s a rope that we have with us down at the bottom. We don’t know how deep the well is, but our rope is never long enough to get us out. If we think the well’s not so deep it turns out it’s deep enough for our rope to be too short. If in despair we start to realize how we’re in a deep hole and there’s no way out with our rope, it’s actually much darker, deeper, and worse than we think. We have to let someone from the outside lower us a rope long enough to get us out. Good stuff.
This evening I went to my friend Shawn Foreman’s MFA Thesis show. It was really good. I’ve enjoyed seeing his work develop over the past two years, and he was well received tonight it seems. I am so happy for him. Honestly I think he underpriced his work, but it seemed to work out well because he sold at least half of it I’d guess. That is so exciting! I’m thinking I may ask him if I can use one of his pieces in the upcoming album artwork. That’d be sweet. I like Shawn. He’s a nice, creative, talented, humble man. I have good friends.
This reminds me. Easter was great. I spent it with some dear friends. That was awesome. It was pretty much the best.
So I’ve been wondering lately if when Jesus said “Do this in remembrance of Me” at the Last Supper if He was saying that His Followers should remember Him every time they ate from then on or if He was saying they should do special remembrances of Him? Was He bringing new meaning to a regular daily activity that He wanted them to do over and over, or was it supposed to be a sometimes thing—like we do at church—every Sunday, once a month, once a year, or how ever often? Was “Do this in remembrance of Me” supposed to be a once in a while thing or an every time you eat thing? I think perhaps it was supposed to be a new way of thinking about a regular activity. Remember Me every time you eat. Perhaps that’s why we often pray before eating. I don’t know. It seems to make sense though.
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Here’s another thought about Communion. I’ve noticed at churches that use loaves of bread there seemingly is always at least half a loaf of bread left over after Communion. I’ve been reflecting on the symbolism of this. Christ offers Himself to the whole world. We are invited to take Him in! Yet even though the invitation is to all people not all people accept the invitation. Thus there is enough of Christ for everyone, but not everyone takes Christ in. The leftover Bread should break our hearts and encourage us to spread the Word to the whole world. If there are people in the world needing Christ then who is more at fault: the people who don’t come find Christ, of whom they know little or nothing, or those who do know but don’t tell them?
Ok. One more thought about Communion. Food goes into our bodies. The nutrients and calories and useful elements are extracted and utilized from the food. Then a waste product is produced which is expelled. If we’re eating in remembrance of Christ then we can see some similarities between the physiological process and the spiritual process. We are taking Christ in to our souls. He becomes our Lifegiver. He becomes our Daily Bread. As we take Him in the waste of our lives is extracted. We need Him continually, and as we take Him in we our waste is expelled.
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My buddy Chris left me a voice message today about heading out on the road this summer. That’d be awesome if it works out. I haven’t called him back yet because I didn’t charge my phone last night so I kept it off most of the day. I did check messages occasionally. Chris’ new CD is pretty sweet; it’d be awesome on multiple levels to hit the road with him again.
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On my way back from Oklahoma last week I saw a van with a bumper sticker that said something like “You cannot be Christian and pro-choice.” This very much frustrated me, not because I’m Christian and pro-choice, but because this thinking sets up an idea that Christianity is about the Cross and Jesus and something else—in this case a pro-life viewpoint. To me this is a bold, crazy, divisive statement to say that one cannot even begin following Christ while being pro-choice. Ridiculous. Now I do believe as one gets to know God’s Heart more and more that person will naturally lean to a pro-life stance (just as I believe we will probably be less willing to kill our neighbors in the name of national defense as we get to know His heart more), but to say one cannot even become His Disciple without being pro-life or a pacifist or teetotaler or … to me adds on to the message of The Cross. I mean seriously, the disciples themselves missed the mark on Jesus, and Jesus stuck with them. He didn’t expect them to have everything figured out before they became His followers. Even when they were wrong and unrighteous He still served as their Shepherd as long as they were willing to be shepherded. So with us God is all about meeting us where we are—with our misthinking and all. I'm concerned that the philosophy of this bumper sticker implicitly states, “Hey pro-choicers God doesn’t want you unless you fix all this and we don’t want you either.” Incorrect.
God wants you to come to Him as you are, but He loves you too much to leave you that way. When you get out of that well (see above) you often have broken bones and bruises. God attends to those needs over time at the right time. He sticks with you to make you well and complete and whole. He doesn’t expect you to be in perfect health as soon as you get out of the well. He just wants you to come. Sometimes we think we’ve got to have more of our lives together before we commit to God, but if we tarry ‘til we’re better we will never come at all. Remember there is much more we need to repent of than we can even imagine. (We’re much worse than we think!) God is patient and faithful in the process of transforming us into the likeness of His Son. We just need to humbly commit ourselves to Him and allow Him to work. To say that you have to have everything all together before you can become His Follower angers me so much. There is one thing you need to have together to become a follower of Christ: acknowledging and repenting of your selfishness, you need to know who Christ the Son of God is in light of who you are and trust in the power of His death on the Cross and His Resurrection as the way to whole relationship with God. This is how one begins to follow Christ. It’s not belief in the Cross and Jesus and something else. Now Jesus certainly takes aside sinners and says “go and sin no more,” but we’ve got a lot of sin to deal with. He’s willing to work with us as long as we welcome Him to do so. And this process is at times painful. But let us not add on to the message of the Cross or pretend our self-righteousness is any part of what it means to be His Disciple. Shame on whoever designed this sticker and whoever put it on their car.
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Similarly, I heard recently someone for whom I have respect go on a diatribe on how Obama’s not a Christian because of the things Obama says. This person did not state anything specific about what Obama supposedly said, and I did not debate with this person about it. But I cannot agree with this claim—assuming that this person was forming this conclusion from Obama’s political statements rather than his Christological statements. (If Obama came out and said something to the effect of “Jesus is a great idea as a revered moral teacher, but I don’t even think He actually walked the earth,” or "Jesus is not the way that one can have right relationship with God," then this would be different.) I was angry to hear this person say that Obama was not a Christian though.
Once again it’s not so much that I believe Obama is a Christian or not. I don’t know the guy, and I don’t really follow politics very closely—mostly just what I hear on NPR. Really I probably would have thought it almost as strange for someone to say Obama was a Christian because of something Obama had said regarding politics. (And by the way all of this applies to W as well. I’m not really convinced W knows Jesus any more or less than Obama does.) I just think it’s not my position to definitively say whether or not some person I really don’t know personally who claims to be a follower of Christ is a Christian or not. I certainly think we should pray for the U.S. President to be guided and rooted in God’s Wisdom. I also believe it’s fine for us to pray for the President to come to know God better. But for us to go around saying Obama’s not a Christian because he said this and this about some political idea is concerning to me.
It’s similar to the bumper sticker scenario. It’s as if we’re saying in order to follow Christ you have to believe in Christ and the Cross and be pro-life and be against gay marriage and be in favor of the death penalty and not smoke and only buy products made by exploiting people if you really need them
and they're at a really good price and bomb people who pose a threat to you and … Let me just say it this way: Christian and Republican are not synonyms. (Neither are Christian and Democrat.) Christian means follower of Christ. Peter was a follower of Christ and he denied Him three times. I'm not saying this to say "Deny Christ when it's convenient to you," but more so to acknowledge we all deny Christ much more than we will allow ourselves to admit, and we need to not be self-righteous. All Christians are in different stages of their walk with Christ, but all of them are following Him even when they fall.
I don’t know if Obama personally knows Jesus or not. I do know I should be praying for him though, and part of those prayers will include for him to be guided in God’s Wisdom and for Obama to know God more and more. I don’t pray this for Obama because I think he’s inevitably a heathen. I pray it for him because God commands me to do so and it’s a prayer I need for myself and all Believers as well: to walk in His Truth and Wisdom and know Him better. But let’s not put on this air of self-righteousness saying only people who say these things are followers of Christ. Perhaps I will bring this up with this person.
It's most fortunate Jesus asks us to follow Him rather than ideologies formulated by imperfect people in churches (and politics). It's unfortunate people are unwilling to give Jesus the position as their leader because they lump Him in with the aforementioned imperfect people in churches (and politics). It's even more unfortunate people will One Day be expected to answer for their unwillingness to follow Him. Jesus is not a politician, a religion, a philosophy, an idea, a business, an enterprise, a bookstore, a radio station. Jesus is a person, the Son of God, who asks us to take up our Crosses and follow Him in order to receive a right relationship with God and others.
Here’s a story from December of ‘07:
On this particular lizard day I came back a while later and saw this brown reptile in the same spot, presumably still attempting to make its way back into the world on the other side of this thin glass. Now I’m no genius, but I think I’m smarter than a lizard. At least I know an easy way to get in and out of my house is not through the window (which doesn’t even slide open and closed), but through the door about five feet from said window. So in a gesture of kindness—not wanting the lizard to join the ranks of the preceding creatures who could not overcome the complexities of the window—I decided to take the lizard where (I figured) it wanted to go. I knew it would probably not respond kindly to my good intentioned advances of offering out my hand, but I tried anyway. Of course the lizard fled. Eventually I tried to pick the squirming creature up by its tail—hoping not to snap it—and bring it outside. After a few successful escapes I gently grasped it and brought it outside. As the lizard dangled and fluttered through the short journey from the windowsill to the front door it was seemingly scared. It probably didn’t know what I knew—I was trying to help it get outside, which is what I figured it wanted.
There was no way to communicate to the lizard I wanted to help it, so I had to just pick it up and bring it.
Assuming the lizard in fact wanted to go outside, and it didn’t know I was coming to offer help, I think this situation is similar to our relationship with God in some ways. We think we know what we want—Love, Happiness, Safe keeping, Eternal Life—we may even see these things, and we just do not know how to get to them. God knows and sees our situations and wants to help us. He is much smarter and knows how to help us. However when He comes to offer us help we may flee because we're afraid.
Of course the beauty of Jesus is that He comes into the world and meets us in a way we can all understand. In a sense God becomes a lizard and says “Hey, are trying to get outside? I’ll show you how.” Then we have the choice of whether or not to believe Him.
God understands fully how we can get the things we so deeply desire—not the things that are superficial and provide no lasting satisfaction, but the things that are essential to being complete humans. Holiness is wholeness (in fact they’re derived from the same word.) God offers us this wholeness through holiness.
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I’ve had some thoughts reflecting on Genesis 2 and 3 lately. Perhaps all sin is a derivation of the first sin, namely a declaration of independence. God wants us to be autonomous, but He wants us to be dependent on Him; perhaps sin is when we try to live dependent on ourselves. Of course even if we’re autonomous we cannot depend on ourselves because we cannot even keep ourselves from dying. And the only reason we die is because we tried to keep ourselves alive on our own.
But Adam and Eve took of the prohibited fruit because they wanted knowledge of good and evil (presumably.) They wanted to not have to depend on God to know good and evil. God of course could have told them everything they needed and were supposed to know, but they wanted to know on their own—without having to go to God.
I think Adam and Eve actually didn't fully get the knowledge of good and evil by consuming that fruit. Sure they got the knowledge that good and evil existed, which perhaps they did not know before. However, ironically, the result for mankind today is that there are persons who: 1-don’t recognize that good and evil actually exist, and 2-know good and evil exist, but cannot distinguish between them. Thus they blew everything and didn’t even get the reward for which they hoped—knowledge of good and evil. Their hope was based on a lie.
Another thing that strikes me about Gen 2 and 3 is that it seems in order for Love to actually be Love trust has to be present. (Can Love exist without trust?) And trust cannot be present if there is no possibility of distrust. Similarly fidelity has no meaning if there is no option to be unfaithful. So if Love requires trust, and trust requires the possibility of distrust, it seems in order for Adam and Eve to be able to truly Love God there had to be something in place which allowed them to trust or distrust God. This is exactly what the tree of the knowledge of good and evil embodies in my thinking: it was the one thing Adam and Eve were given in order to choose their trust or distrust of God. They obviously had the option not to trust God, which is the option they chose, but if that tree had not been there trust would have had no meaning. So the question is this: is love really love if trust is not present? If Love does require Trust then I wonder in the New Earth if there will be anything similar to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil which will be our option to trust or distrust God.
Also regarding Genesis 2 and 3, the first thing God said to Adam and Eve was “Be fruitful and multiply.” This amazes me that these are the first recorded words of God to His creation. If Adam and Eve had been busy getting busy—being fruitful and multiplying—they wouldn’t have been tempted to take the wrong fruit. Likewise if we obey what we’ve been commanded we’ll be less tempted by what is harmful for us. Of course Adam and Eve show us something important about fruit: in order to be fruitful we have to receive fruitfulness from somewhere first. God wanted Adam and Eve to receive fruit so they could be fruitful; He offered them certain fruit. The problem is they were took the wrong fruit.
And one more thought on Genesis 2 and 3: Adam and Eve were naked and felt unashamed. Then they realized they’d marred their relationship with God and shame entered the picture. Nakedness was part of the total confidence, adequacy, trust, and contentment they experienced prior to their disobedience. After they sinned they suddenly felt unconfident, inadequate, distrustful, and discontent. We are in this state now—even cocky people feel inadequate: we all cover up ourselves so we will not be revealed completely. We fear total exposure and therefore we cannot have perfect relationships. A perfect relationship means no fear, no secrets, no shame, no sense of inadequacy, no belittling judgments—nothing to cover up. A perfect relationship means pure and holy nakedness—nothing to hide because of shame. (Isn’t it interesting that we picture Jesus on the Cross nearly naked?) God is all about restoring relationships which were broken in the fall.
So those are some thoughts on Genesis 2 and 3.
A question I’ve been wondering about (after reading The Shack and reading John Henry Newman’s quote “Growth is the only evidence of life. “) is if there will be growth in the Eternal Life on the New Earth. If so what types of growth will there be? Will trees and plants grow? Will our bodies grow? Will we grow in knowledge of things? Will there be things that are concealed when we arrive that will be revealed after we’ve been there a while? Will we be able to grow in Love for God, and is growing in Love for God even possible? If He who began a good work in us will bring it to completion in the day of Christ Jesus will there be growth once we’re already complete? Does growth imply incompleteness? Or does lack of growth imply completeness?
Similarly I wonder if Grace will exist in the next life or not? If things are set right then will there be any need to extend Grace?
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In other thoughts, perception shapes reality. A few weeks back I showed up to youth group a few minutes late and another leader had the students playing a game to see who could eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the fastest. I jumped in and chowed down. Then he showed us a video of him making the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with his muddy feet! I was SOOOOO angry that he’d just presumably fed us peanut butter mud foot sandwiches, and I was surprised that the middle school guys didn’t really seemed too grossed out about it. For the rest of the lesson I was pissed that the leader had had such poor judgment to have fun at our expense. But then…at the end he said he had not really served us peanut butter mud foot sandwiches, he had just made one like that for the video. It was a great lesson in how our perception shapes our reality. And often our perception is formed on incomplete information.
Another thing that got me very angry a few months back was getting my truck towed at a friend’s apartment. My friends were under the impression that every spot between two sings was visitor parking. So I parked there. In fact it was every other spot. So on an evening when there were dozens of empty spots because of pure legalism and an apartment complex that wanted to hire a professional bully service I was out $181. More specifically my friends paid most of this. I think I only ended up paying $40 of this. But this experience angered me for a few days, and I think I was even angrier that I was angrier about this silly unjust inconvenience than things that really break God’s heart.
I don’t understand etiquette. It’s cultural, and some things I think I've just missed. I just don’t get ettiquette or care too much if I’m offending someone because of some etiquette rule I don’t know—such as how to dress for such and such blah blah blah. I want to live my life loving God and His children, and that’s enough to keep me occupied without worrying about offending someone because I didn’t use the correct salad fork or dress correctly for a party. I guess I don’t have a problem if people want to abide by some book of etiquette, but I don’t want them to necessarily push it on me. I know one thing for sure: etiquette will not make you righteous, but it can make you self-righteous.
I took the Perspectives on World Missions class last year. It was excellent. It was one of the best classes I've taken, except the workload was ridiculous. I didn't understand how a class which emphasizes the importance of meeting a culture where they are and presenting ideas in a relevant way to that culture could entirely miss the fact that most Americans don't have 6-10 hours a week for a course—no matter how important the information may be. Frustrating, but overall it was a good experience and material. I’m putting some of my favorite quotes from Perspectives at the end of this post.
There’s this idea in Perspectives that cat theology (a theology focused on self) is not wrong, but incomplete, whereas dog theology (a theology focused on serving the Master) is right and complete. But I don’t understand how something—in this case cat theology—can be incomplete and not wrong. Yes, what’s present in cat theology can be right in its incompleteness, but it seems to me that saying something can be simultaneously incomplete and not wrong is incorrect.
For example if you ordered a whole cake and the baker made the cake correctly and then decided to cut out three of the eight pieces before selling it to you this would be wrong. You ordered a whole cake. You got 5/8 of a whole cake; this is incomplete and wrong. The 5/8 of what’s there is the correct 5/8 that would contribute to a whole cake, but the fact that 3/8 is missing makes the order wrong.
Or if a quarterback throws a pass and the catch is fumbled and dropped then the play is incomplete and not right. The desire was for the pass to be caught. Something is wrong if the ball is not caught. The pass may have been accurate, but in order for the play to not be wrong for its intended purpose the pass must be caught. Otherwise the play is incomplete and therefore wrong.
If a truck is missing fuel then it doesn't matter if everything else is right about it. In order for the purpose of the truck to be fulfilled, namely moving, then the fuel must be present. Granted if it’s only missing fuel it’s much closer to being right than if it were missing fuel and an engine for example. However if one necessary element is missing it is incomplete and therefore wrong.
I guess I would like an analogy of something that is incomplete and not wrong in order to buy into the idea that cat theology can be right in its incompleteness. But of course the truth is that we all have cat theologies at times because we like to focus on ourselves even if we put God’s Name on our egocentricity.
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Here's another thought inspired by Perspectives: missions fuels worship. God’s main goal is for Him to be worshipped. God’s main interest is Himself and it’s not selfish although it’s egocentric. For humans egocentrism and selfishness are synonyms, but not so for God because He is Perfect Love and His focus on Himself is not selfishness, but an expression of Love—which must be shared.
Worship is central to our identity with Christ. I picture a congregation where people can bring their variety of gifts to God in worship. Basically we offer back to God what He’s already given to us. In Ex 34 we learn no one is to appear before God empty-handed. I would love to see a congregation whose gathering was conducive to offering a variety of gifts.
Often church structure seems focused on pleasing people with predictability rather than pleasing God with worship. Why can’t the gathering of the Church be both pleasing to God first and people second? Why can’t painters paint, writers write, musicians play (not just the ones in the worship band), and all types of gifts be offered? Everyone in God’s Family has something to give to God and His Family, because He has given something to everyone first. It seems that God’s Family when gathered should be invited to naturally give to God the gifts that God has given to them which bring them and Him Joy. Why have we limited this offering corporately to simply money and singing and service projects? God’s goal is worship of Him; this should be ours too. If God has created us uniquely then shouldn’t our offerings be unique too?
Perhaps Unitarianism is an extreme example of pleasing man rather than pleasing God. Unitarianism is all about unifying different beliefs so as not to offend people because of differences in viewpoint. Viewpoints differ. Not everyone is right. And God is not interested in us redefining what He has already shared about Himself. Perhaps Unitarianism thinks we cannot make a reasonable verdict on who God is so we must embrace every theology. This is unfortunate. I do like that Unitarianism seems to be coming from a viewpoint that values tolerance, but tolerance is not always a virtue. If tolerance becomes a virtue above all others then good and evil cease to have meaning, although they continue to exist.
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Sometimes we wrongly label God inhumane when we hear about Him killing people in the Old Testament (and occasionally in the New Testament.) But we have to remember these were almost always the results of disobedience which had been addressed through prophets’ exhortations of repentance. Ultimately we have to remember God defines Good, not us. We will define Good based on what is seemingly advantageous for us, and this can change from moment to moment. It is possible (and believable) that it was Good for God to punish disobedient people by killing them. We must remember we have no rights as humans when we stand before God—this lack of rights includes life itself.
Last summer I served for about a week in Romania with the students at FPC. The trip was fantastic. We served Romanians (poor, abandoned, elderly, homeless, etc.) through the Smiles foundation. We arrived late on a Sat night. The following Sunday morning we went to church and visited a Romanian village Salart with which Smiles recently started working. In Salart we saw a one-room mud brick house (about 20 square feet) with 6 people living inside. Just down the street there were houses in much better shape, and in some the residents were asking Smiles to come help them with electricity or a leaking roof. The Smiles workers explained that they need to try to help those in much greater need in Salart and other villages first. It was amazing to see that just three doors down from this 20 square foot shack with 6 people living inside there were decent houses with residents wanting to get their own improvements first. Seeing this unfold was convicting—knowing that I am the same way at times—wanting to help myself before I help my neighbor.
On Monday I did house visits; I escorted a Smiles social worker Marius who visits families once a month bringing food and clothing as necessary in order to free up funds for the family for other needs. We visited six families and prayed with each one. The final visit was to a family of 11 with 9 kids under the age of 13 I’d guess living in a two-room house. On Tuesday I worked in the morning at a Smiles children’s home for abused, abandoned, and needy children; all the children were probably under the age of 10. They were decently behaved, and we enjoyed playing ball, painting, and playing together. I also did a mini-concert for them and we played Duck, Duck, Goose. This game seemed new to them. That was fun! That afternoon I visited with 18-30 year old residents of a mental hospital in Bratca (sp?). I played guitar for the residents, and many enjoyed dancing and listening. A few especially enjoyed putting an ear right up to the sound hole of the guitar. That was fun! Wednesday I helped put insulation on a house. Thursday I played sports with Romanian children.
Friday was the hardest and best day for me. I visited a village and helped clean houses to reduce the problems of fleas, lice, worms, and other disease carrying agents. Some children were taunting me while I was trying to sanitize their house. They were stealing the supplies and fighting over them. I was trying to maintain control, without much success. Eventually the kids were spitting on me and calling me Dielo (sp?), which means “crazy”, while they pointed and laughed at me. I felt small, like a kid being picked on at school on the playground. It was very humbling and frustrating for these kids to be doing this to me as an adult who was trying to help them. I was angry. I worked through it and we got the house clean. Later that day I reflected upon it and took it as a joy to endure suffering in this way for the sake of Christ. It was a moment I was so pleased to be a follower of Christ and to suffer for doing good.
On that same trip in Budapest we had a purse and some passports stolen. In reflecting back on this trial it is interesting how it seems even in the hassle of this sinful event God had prepared to help us even in advance. For seemingly no real reason at all I happened to give the other leader her passport before we parted (she went with the woman who had her purse stolen while I brought the students back to the hotel) which allowed her to get money wired to get a new passport. Also a young lady last minute happened to be on the trip to replace a leader who had broken her foot. She had an iPhone with an international calling plan which made things so much easier to handle the problem. Also I had learned how to navigate the public transportation enough to get everyone back to the hotel. It’s nice to see how God prepare the way to take care of us in this sinful event.
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In February of this year I ended up going to Disney World when I was doing some work in Orlando. Going to Disney World was an unplanned thing. One of the guys I was with had a friend who works there. She saw through Facebook that he was in Orlando. She contacted him and offered us tickets for the day. It was great. For about four hours she went through the parks with us, and I was like an excited kid when I was there. The lines were decently short, and it was awesome! I had a blast. Super good times. I also learned no one dies in Disney World…but only because they don’t have a coroner who works there. Therefore people are pronounced dead somewhere else, but not at Disney World. Humorous.
The concept of darkness by itself cannot overcome light. In fact darkness is only the absence of light, and if there is light then there is not darkness. Something greater than light must overcome light; that something is not darkness. It’s interesting to observe God assumes the metaphors of the four classical elements: earth (or rock), air (or wind or oxygen), fire, and water. He holds command of each of these by assuming them metaphorically. It’s also interesting that earth, air, and water can each put out a fire, and that all light comes from some sort of fire (I think). God is Light, and apparently He assumes metaphors of the things that can bring darkness by overcoming fire according to the four classical elements. Nothing is greater than God if He is metaphorically all four of these things. Nothing can ultimately put out God’s Light.
Over the past year I was working on a fictional story every day for about a month or so. It was about a musician trying to make it. I got about 5,000 words in before I felt too overwhelmed to continue. I chose to eliminate this as a priority. This was a difficult decision because I wanted to finish this story—writing a little bit every day for a year, but I knew if I stopped I probably would not finish. It’s at least the second time I’ve tried to write a fictional book and quit a month or so in. Maybe my problem was the all or nothing mentality: either I write a little bit every day or I don’t do it at all. Maybe I could get it done and not be so stressed if I wrote one or two set days a week instead of every day. I think the problem for me is that if I don’t have a schedule to do this then I know I won’t. It worked doing it every day for at least a month (or maybe it was two months), but eventually the task became too much with a relationship with God, a girlfriend, work, school, and music too. Maybe one day I’ll finish up that creation; maybe one day I’ll figure out a better way to prioritize without thinking it’s all or nothing.
Life is sometimes like a 10,000,000 piece puzzle. Some people act like following Christ puts the whole puzzle together. But I think meeting Christ is more like getting the edge of the puzzle completed. This gives you a frame and someone with whom you can work on the rest of the puzzle. All life’s problems aren’t fixed in becoming a Christian, but there’s a structure and help in it that otherwise would not be there. Without Christ the task would be impossible. When we love people, when we choose to follow Christ (even when we don’t want to), when we choose righteousness, we have done so because Christ is alongside us, and we’re working with Him to build the proper picture. When we choose sin it’s like we’re trying to put two pieces together that just won’t fit. We find that the final picture (or point of the puzzle) was an image of Christ. Under Christ when we reach Heaven we are like a completed image of Christ—a completed puzzle.
Sometimes I think skits in churches follow a certain pattern of: 1-everything’s good when we start to follow with Jesus; 2-demons flirt with us and bring us into all kinds of uncontrollable evils; 3-Jesus wants to break through our torment; and 4-eventually we reach out for Him to do so and He strikes all opposition down. Perhaps such formulaic skits oversimplify the complexity of a relationship with Christ and encourage thoughts that once we’re with Jesus everything becomes awesome and we will no longer be tormented or tempted. I agree on a certain level this outline faithfully represents what happens in the process of our fallenness and acceptance of Christ. I’m not disagreeing this is a powerful testimony and certainly a tool God uses for speaking to our wayward hearts. I’m just wondering if we can or need to do better to show that following Christ is hard and full of trials.
I substitute teach pretty regularly, and I mostly enjoy it. However sometimes I wonder if God is getting me back for mistreating teachers when I was a middle and high school student. For example the second time I ever substituted was for a 7th grade biology class, and the topic that day was female reproduction. Awkward. Of course I wasn’t really a bad student or extremely disrespectful to teachers and I don’t really think God’s getting me back, but it is interesting to be on the other end of the substitute-student relationship. Sometimes the students are excellent and a joy to be around, and sometimes they are just awful: talkative, off task, argumentative, disrespectful, exploitive and disobedient.
One of my favorite subbing experiences was the result of reporting to a teacher that her 6th grade students had been terrible. The next time I was at that school a few weeks later I found a pile of letters addressed to me she had made them write to me apologizing for their poor behavior. The letters were awesome! They were very funny because they were so forced. Some were decently sincere, but some of them were not really even apologies but just statements that they were bad. Some of them were just blaming classmates and not taking responsibility. Very 6th grade. Very human. Very funny.
Someone asked recently what the difference is between shame and guilt. I wonder if shame is self-focused and guilt is outward focused, or in other words shame is focused on how this impacts me and guilt is focused on how this impacts God and others. Perhaps too shame is a feeling and guilt is either true or false. One can feel ashamed and not necessarily be guilty of any wrong, and one can theoretically be guilty and not feel ashamed. Also God wants us to know our guilt and come to Him with it so He can change us. He does not want us to feel ashamed though. Evil seeks to shame us and leave us broken and worse; Good seeks to help us understand our guilt and make us mended, whole, and innocent.
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I’ve been reflecting upon the fact that in Jesus God allowed mankind to judge Him. Of course no man has a right to judge God, but God actually allowed people to judge Jesus. And what happened? Jesus ended up dead. Recognizing this fact has been powerful to me lately. I think in a very real sense the same is true in our own hearts: when we judge God we set ourselves above Him and He ends up dead in our hearts. We man judges God, God ends up dead.
Here’s a picture of our lives: we are sick; we need drastic heart surgery to live. We all recognize something isn’t quite right, and some of us know we need surgery while some of us don’t know it. God is the skillful surgeon who can mend our ailing hearts. We decide whether or not to allow Him to operate. And this is very real: God doesn’t restrain us or knock us out and put us on the operating table. He tells us our condition and gives us a choice: “Do you want to be well? It’s going to hurt. I’m going to have to slice you open, but I can make you well. Once you’re on the operating table you have to cooperate. You cannot kick and scream and resist or I will not be able to operate. You have to put yourself on that table and trust me to slice you open. You must submit and trust. The work you do is recognize you need help and put yourself at My Mercy and Capabilities. The work I do is Heal you. It really is a team effort: you trust; I heal. When you’re well you will be able and expected to help others come to Me for Healing too. You'll also naturally live a life of thankfulness for what I've done for you and others. Are you in or out?”
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This morning was the final NPR broadcast of This I Believe. This was a four year series with tens of thousands of submissions in which people wrote and recorded essays outlining the governing philosophy of their lives. Being a regular NPR listener I’ve followed it for a few years, and I thought this would be a good exercise. So on the day of its denouement I write my own This I Believe.
I grew up seeking what I imagine is typical for an American kid: success, wealth, happiness, and getting what I wanted even if it meant a little hard work. I realize now my worldview was limited and very self-focused as a young person.
I grew up going to church, but it didn’t really mean a whole lot to me. Church was just something boring my family did every week that didn’t really change how we lived the other hundred sixty-seven hours except for making us feel good enough to not piss God off I guess.
When I was 16 I moved out of my parents’ house to go to a boarding school for academically and artistically talented high school upperclassmen. At this school while some peers were using their giftedness and newly acquired freedom from daily parental supervision to experiment with sex and drugs, sneak out of the dorms at night, and even run away from the campus in a stolen car, I was going to a Bible study four nights a week during the social hour. Granted my motives were not as pure as they could have been: I was going to Bible study because my girlfriend or the girl I wanted to be my girlfriend went to Bible study. But even so something changed in me once I actually started to read the Bible for myself.
I knew most of the stories and many of the right answers in our Bible study discussions just from my own church experiences. But more than churchy familiarity, through reading the Word, the person of Jesus started to become three-dimensional to me. And He was so attractive; everything about Him just seemed right—like He was perfectly answering a question I couldn’t quite vocalize.
During the next two years of high school I didn’t make all the right decisions, but my focus began to shift away from myself to my Maker. I began to understand that Christianity wasn’t about having all the right answers as much as knowing the right person. One night at a concert at church in my freshman year of college I took the opportunity to publically declare my desire to follow Jesus with my whole life.
So here I am just over ten years after I made my first public declaration to be a follower of Jesus, and this I believe: Jesus. Not an idea; not a religious leader; not just a good moral teacher; and certainly not just a fairy tale. But Jesus: the completely human Son of God who died and rose again and provides us the way to fullness of Life.
And I get it. Some people hear my account and think “Another religious nut” or “That’s great for you, just don’t try to force it on me” or maybe even “You don’t really believe that stuff do you?!?” I understand this. But Jesus makes more and more sense to me every year after over ten years because I see that humans are stuck in the destructive self-centeredness which used to define my life.
It seems even though there are some righteous things humans do, humans default to egocentricity, which is why even as a follower of Christ seeking to please Him I still have my own self-centered moments. But I have an easier time recognizing them now, and I also recognize how they damage what God has in mind for His creation.
So the governing philosophy of my life is that Jesus fixes lives and Loves people; He’s doing this with me. I believe He chooses broken people like me to help fix others’ lives and spread His Love; I believe fixing people takes time. This is why I also think most people don’t give Jesus a fair shot: they see the people He’s in the process of fixing rather than looking at Him directly. Jesus gets a bad rap, and at times it’s my own fault. But even so I believe He is the answer to our questions we all feel deep in our souls but don’t even know how to ask. This I believe.
Here’s a blitz of thoughts:
Here was an idea about leadership from the Orange Conference April 2008 I liked: you'll influence lots of people but you only lead those people to whom you're closest.
In March of this year I heard someone say that it takes 10,000 hours of doing something before you can be the best in the world at it. That’s wild.
Although the Gospel is transmitted through people it is so much greater and more powerful than the instruments through whom it's transmitted! The Gospel is powerful stuff!
NPR’s live concerts free downloads are fantastic!
Lately I’ve been reading fewer words in the Bible to get more out of It. It’s helped me focus on understanding the Truth behind words rather than making sure I mindlessly read so much in a given period of time. It's reading less to get more.
I’ve been wondering what is the difference between wisdom and discernment? Perhaps it’s in part that discernment is the ability to know what's right and wrong, and wisdom is the ability to take what is right and put it into practice. But then I heard someone say wisdom is knowing what's right, courage is doing what's right, and character is doing what's right for a lifetime. I don't know.
The board game Settlers of Catan is fun.
I recently read a crazy article about the Turritopsis nutricula. This is a special jellyfish that can revert back to a polyp juvenile state after becoming sexually mature. This 5 mm long creature can theoretically do this indefinitely, and thus it is being called the immortal jellyfish. Obviously it is of great interest to marine biologists. Creation is just so amazing. It points me right to my Maker.
Just because someone does something very sweet doesn't make you fall in love.
What can't be criticized? Even God, Who is Perfectly Good leaves Himself open for criticism. People wrongly criticize God. Therefore I will certainly be criticized.
I get frustrated when bloggers just post YouTube videos.
Can an atheist be grateful? To whom is an atheist grateful? Does gratitude presume relationship?
No matter what position you’re in you are called to be an advocate of justice.
Just because God doesn't need me to fulfill His plan doesn't mean I don't have a purpose.
Maybe this already exists, but it’d be cool to have a book and/or website that instructs people on how to live a more green and Christian life. (One can be green and not be Christian, and one can be Christian and not be green, but I think Christians should grow in taking care of God’s creation by increasing in being green.) This resource could include considerations on ethical places to shop for clothes, electronics, food, etc. It could provide instruction on how to make your house more green and how to start and maintain a garden. Maybe it could also include a list of pros and cons for each idea listed.
It could be cool if any of the following energy ideas could be useful: tennis shoes that generate/store energy every time you walk; windmills on cars; motors that turn and store energy from falling rain/snow; refrigerators and freezers that can be linked to the outside temperature (in the winter) and alter their output based on if they’re really needed.
Our relationship with God might be depicted as two people connected by a rubber band. As we walk away from God, the tension becomes tighter and tighter, and the fear that it’s going to break increases. The more we walk away the more the resistance increases; so does the likelihood we’ll get hurt if the rubber band breaks.
Are there human mating seasons?
Some interesting quotes:
It’d be cool to write a book with 365 unique exercises for making a creative journal.
If I were into making cheesy Christian rip-off crap I would start a sunglasses company called Songlasses. (yuck, yuck, yuck)
I wonder if people with balanced brains (non-brain dominance) experience ambivalence more so than those with brain dominance.
Deep underwater we seem to lack color because it is dark. Yet if we come out of water we see our color. Under water we still have color, we just cannot see it. This may be a useful analogy of how the spiritual world is to us now. The spiritual world is around us, but most of the time it’s dark—as we are when underwater. In the afterlife we’ll see this spiritual world which has been here the whole time in its illuminated state.
In Jeremiah 41-43 some people from Judah want to avoid the Babylonian exile and plan to go to Egypt. They then call in Jeremiah to give God’s Word for them. Jeremiah says, “God says ‘Don’t go to Egypt.”’ They say Jeremiah’s a liar and go anyway. How often do we say “God speak,” and then refuse to believe it’s Him when we hear just because we don’t like the answer?
In 1 Samuel 3 Eli is amazing. He gets word God is planning to kill his sons and curse his house forever for their blasphemy and the lack of restraint. Eli replies, "If God thinks it's good to do so, then let Him do it. He’s God." Wow!
If we read a story in the Bible and say “that’s not the God I believe in; He wouldn’t do that” then we have a false image of God because God did do that, and we still have more to learn about Him.
Imagine God is a piece of art. Some people take a step back to get a more objective view of the whole piece. But perhaps really God wants us to take a step forward and get a look at the details of the piece of art which we cannot see from far away. God wants us to take a step in, not a step out.
The song that came on my iTunes randomly at midnight between Dec 31, 2008 and Jan 1, 2009 was Time by They Might Be Giants. That was awesome.
A few weeks ago I was waiting for a friend Rebekah to pick me up and my friend David came up to me. While he and I were chatting his friend Rebecca (sp?) came up and said hi. While the three of us were chatting Rebekah showed up to pick me up. That was humorous.
It’s crazy saddening to think how much money donated to churches stays within the church walls.
At youth group earlier this year some students and a leader witnessed a guy propose to his girlfriend in a CiCi's Pizza. (Does it even matter that the CiCi’s was undergoing construction as well?) Amazing.
Years ago a guy (with presumably prescription glasses) told me at a rock show that he didn't believe in using prescription medicine because he believed God should be responsible for healing or not healing. I wish I would have asked him why he didn’t trust God to heal his eyes rather than wearing glasses.
It’d be cool to write a book called Things I Wished I’d Said consisting of things I wished I’d thought about saying in conversations after they were over.
Does less crime happen in proximity to prisons?
Are men or women less likely to wash their hands after using the restroom?
Is there significance that there are 10 golden objects sent with the 10 Commandments in 1 Sam 6?
How does modern linguistics tie into the Tower of Babel account?
Is there a way to back up info on a cell phone?
I wonder which bathroom stalls get used the least or most in a public bathroom?
I should start a rap project called Sir Mix-A-Loti.
A lame joke: You’re so dumb you tell you’re-momma-so-fat jokes to your brother.
I enjoy terrible jokes with intentionally messed up punchlines:
I overheard a law company’s commercial recently that I’m pretty sure said “if you or someone you know has died while taking blah blah blah drug, then call blah blah blah.” When I heard this I was just wondering how many commercials dead people watch and how many phone calls they make.
On a trip back from Texas over the last year one of the first billboards I saw after re-entering Louisiana incorrectly had "it’s" instead of "its" on it. It was something like "Louisiana: it's culture is everywhere." I know this mistake happens often, but really it should not happen on a billboard. I loved how this was an announcement to everyone who entered our state to look how dumb we are. Ridiculous.
I wonder sometimes what would happen if a cop pulled you over and you pretended not to speak English, but just made up a gibberish language.
Words with z are fun.
It’d be awesome if the B-52s did an album of standard contemporary church songs. I think hearing the guy who pretty much speaks without actually singing interpret “Lord I lift Your Name on High” would be amazing.
Do people who haven’t read the Bible (or don’t do so regularly) have a right to judge Christianity?
If my professor friend Steve Hall ever has a building named after him at LSU it could be called Hall Hall. That would be sweet.
I wonder if there is a correlation or connection between increased (or decreased) suicide rates and societies allowing (or prohibiting) homosexuality?
Can you love from a distance or must love occur close?
Can fair trade items really ever be sold at a discounted price?
What are the connections between the different versions of the word "will" (as in: I will check my balance this evening; it is my will for five frogs to escape from captivity; I will this robot juice maker to you upon my death.)?
I’d like to make a T-shirt with a pickle saying "I used to be a cucumber."
The song Walking on Sunshine makes no sense. It's all happy, but the lyrics should just be a person screaming. I mean if you were walking on sunshine you probably would be dead.
There is a store in Dallas called Condoms To Go. I guess I figured the “To Go” part was understood. I mean is there a Condoms For Here store?
Also in the great state of Texas in one of the Houston airports (I think it’s Bush) there are public signs in one of the terminals stating employees are not allowed to use the lactation room. This caused me to think about what kind of airport employee would be breastfeeding at work, and also if that had become such a problem that they had to put up a public sign for the employees to be reminded. Was this sign placement for everyone to see reactionary or preventative? Either way it’s strange.
I wonder if there is a predictable connection between where people who get married originally meet and whether or not they get divorced.
There is a church in Baton Rouge with “Everyone Welcome” written on its façade. It also has a large iron fence, which is often closed when I pass by. I find this amusing because it seems like a mixed message. "Everyone welcome...except for right now."
I think these words are homophone antonyms: accept and except, raise and raze, and rescind and resend. Also the words founder-(n) one who sets or grounds on something solid and founder (v) - to give way: collapse are interesting are homophone antonyms. That’s awesome.
It’d be cool to write a book documenting miracles.
I recently read a true story of a shark mother in a zoo giving birth asexually to a pup shark. This was the second documented case of this. This is amazing!
I wonder if people retain information better if they hear it in an accent different from their own. Furthermore I wonder if some accents are in general more conducive or less conducive to the hearers retaining information. For example, I wonder if I heard a speech from a person with a French accent if I’d remember it better than if I had heard it in a Swedish accent.
I am planning on visiting Regent College in Vancouver, BC in May and possibly moving up there in August to finish work on the MDiv. Unless something major and unexpected comes along between now and then, like with music, that’s the plan.
PostSecret is fantastic.
I got one of the coolest birthday gifts this past year. A friend arranged to have a picture of me in a Five Iron Frenzy T-Shirt as the profile picture on Five Iron Frenzy's MySpace. That was so unbelievable and great. It was my fav.
Well that’s pretty much what I’ve got for right now. Thanks for reading.
davidloti=davidloti
As a bonus here are some of the best quotes and ideas from Perspectives; most of these are from the Perspectives reader and study guide:
Annual church embezzlements by top custodians exceed the entire cost of all foreign missions worldwide. (cat and dog theology handout p.5 Gloryseminars.com)
…holiness is wholeness. To be “holy” is to be “wholly” the Lord’s. It is a shame that we had to divide the English word into two words: the religious (holy) and the secular (wholly), but the root was the same in the Anglo-Saxon history. The same is true for the Hebrew root. (Kaiser 13)
A biblical blessing was often a statement of power which bestowed a destiny. A family blessing often became the most valued feature of an inheritance…A blessing was known to be a special heritage for future generations of a family, multiplying with increased abundance. The most astounding feature of the blessing promised to Abram (Gen 12:1-3) was that God was entrusting to him an endowment that was destined to impart something substantial to every single family on the planet, far beyond one extended family. (Hawthorne 47)
Here is the biblical idea of mystery: something which has been kept secret through times eternal but is now disclosed…A mystery is a divine purpose, hidden in the counsels of God for long ages but finally disclosed in a new revelation of God’s redemptive work. (Ladd 66)
A kingdom is the authority to rule, the sovereignty of the king…When the word refers to God’s Kingdom, is always refers to His reign, His rule, His sovereignty… God’s Kingdom, His malkuth, is His universal rule, His sovereignty over all the earth. (Ladd 65)
…the crucial test for any creature was allegiance to the will of God. That crucial test came for Lucifer when he shifted his gaze to himself and his God-given features of splendor. Dazzled by his own greatness, he asserted independence and presumed himself to be “like the Most High” (Isa 14:14). In that moment of decision he thrust himself outside the stabilizing axis of God’s will and began the swirling catapult into the oblivion of a godless being. (Ellisen 17)
On a global scale, many are attracted to “Christian” nations because of the evidence of God’s blessing through material wealth and stability. In communities, congregations where God’s power and grace are evident also draw people. On a personal level, godly character attracts those who wants to possess those same qualities. (61) (I’m not sure if I agree with the first part of this quote.)
What, then, is the nature of petitionary prayer? It is, in essence, rebellion—rebellion against the world in its fallenness, the absolute and undying refusal to accept as normal what is pervasively abnormal… Petitionary prayer only flourishes where there is a twofold belief: first, that God’s name is hallowed too irregularly, his kingdom has come too little, and his will is done too infrequently; second, that God himself can change this situation. (Wells 143)
When we see people coming to Christ, health improving, economic opportunities increasing, and the kingdom values growing, we find that believers have been praying. (Robb 146)
Strongholds: false ways of thinking which lock [people] in spiritual darkness (146)
We think of Jesus as the standard for a peace-loving, non-violent approach to one’s enemies, but he taught it was to human enemies only that we are to turn the other cheek, not to demonic foes. (147)
[Prayer] is not something we do, but a response to what God is already doing within us and the world. Our prayers are the necessary opening that allows God to act without violating our freedom. Prayer is the ultimate act of partnership with God. (147-8) (How does this relate to Amos 3:7 (Surely the Sovereign LORD does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets.)? Perhaps prayer is part of God shaping us to understanding what He’s doing.)
God measures maturity in obedience. (John LaRavia)
Jesus did aspire to world dominion. His ambition to rule over the nations was not wrong. The temptation was to take a short cut to that noble goal: to adopt the methods of the devil. (Goerner 97)
Missions is not the ultimate goal of the Church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn’t. Worship is ultimate, not missions, because God is ultimate, not man…Where passion for God is weak, zeal for missions will be weak…Missions is not first and ultimate: God is. (John Piper 49)
passion means whatever a person is willing to suffer for…If we do not die to self and fill our lives with the consuming passion of the worship of God in the nations, we will end up with other passions…pray this prayer: “Lord, be ruthless with me in revealing my selfish ambition and my lack of willingness to die to myself.”…You’ll never have to worry about making God mad if you try to plant a church. It seems crazy to me that people are under the delusion they need a special calling to save souls, to disciple them, and to get them together to love Jesus. Whatever ministry you are with, you must understanding one thing: church planting is not for us, it’s for God. We do it so God will have a people worship Him! (Floyd McClung 185-6)
Philosophically, if all will be saved eventually, for whatever reason, preaching the gospel is not really necessary. Why did Christ make this primary mission of the church if all will ultimately find acceptance with God with or without the gospel?...Christ clearly taught of an eternal hell, of a great gulf between the saved and the lost…if sincerity saves in religion, it is the only realm in which it saves…A practical problem is that preaching the gospel seems almost criminal, for it brings with it greater condemnation for those who reject it, whereas they conceivably could have been saved through general revelation had they not heard the gospel. It certainly seems less urgent to proclaim the way of salvation to those who may well be saved without that knowledge. ...If people are lost only if they hear and reject, it is far better not to hear and be saved…The Bible does not teach that God will judge a person for rejecting Christ if he has not heard of Christ…Judgment is against a person in proportion to his rejection of moral light. (Robertson McQuilkin 157-9)
The words of Jesus are the works of God…I heard the story of a young non-Christian man who was studying English and was using one of the Gospels for reading. He suddenly got up in the middle of a lesson, paced up and down the room, and said, “These are not the words of a man, these are the words of God!” Jesus says that His words themselves ought to convince people. (Ajith Fernando 171)
Christ is to us just what His cross is. All that Christ was in heaven or on earth was put into what He did there…You do not understand Christ till you understand His cross. (Ajith Fernando quoting P.T. Forsyth 174)
Adam and Eve’s sin was that they wanted to save themselves, independent of God. They did not want to be dependent on a supreme God for salvation or anything else. (Ajith Fernando 175)
the effects of a principle or law can be overcome by a more powerful force. (Ajith Fernando 175)
The goal of mission is to establish within every people group in the world, within every piece of the human mosaic, indigenous church movements which are capable of so multiplying congregations that the entire people group is both evangelized and incorporated into the fellowship of the church…for mission to go full circle, it is necessary for the churches established by missionaries to become sending churches in order to gather the momentum necessary to penetrate each of the world’s remaining unreached people groups. (Kenneth Mulholland 136)
Mission implies reaching those without faith in God. (Arthur Glasser 130)
“Internal service”: worship, ministry of its members, and teaching
“In many parts of the world…people are much more power-conscious than they are truth-conscious. We may preach a very logical and convincing message by Western standards, but our hearers remain unimpressed. Let them see Christian power displayed in relation to the spirit world in which they live with great fear, however, and they will ‘hear’ the message more clearly than our words alone could make it.” (Wagner 537)
None of us can be so sure of our understanding of prophecy as to preclude his return at any moment. Every day we should be ready to meet the Lord (Robert E. Coleman 191)
the missionary must be convinced that the population to which he takes the Word lives in the lie of Satan and is damned to hell as a result of it. If the missionary is not convinced of this, he will not risk his life to kindle the light in their midst. (Josef Tson 183)
The redemption of person is the center of God’s plan, but it is not the circumference of that plan…the Church is an indispensable part of the gospel…to adopt what might be called an “anti-church stance” would be to dilute the very gospel itself and at the same time to demonstrate a misunderstanding of what the Bible means by “the Church.” (Howard A. Synder 138-9)
our phrase Third World comes from those days when Greek and Latin were the first two worlds and the barbarians to the north were the Third World (Ralph D. Winter 204)
A Western world that has always spent more on cosmetics than it has on foreign missions—and lately ten times as much. (Ralph D. Winter 213)
It was not until the middle of the 20th century that it came to be realized that health services in the name and spirit of the Great Physician are in themselves a dramatic form of the preaching of the gospel…
the missionary communicates the gospel and transmits to the new community of converts the simplest statement of the faith, the Bible, the sacraments, and the principle of ministry. He then stands by as a counseling elder brother while the Holy Spirit leads the new church, self-governing and self-supporting, to develop its own forms of polity, ministry, worship, and life.
(R. Pierce Beaver 251)
Christianity has been the means of reducing more languages to writing than have all other factors combined. It has created more schools, more theories of education, and more systems than has any other one force. More than any other power in history it has impelled men to fight suffering…
it’s safe to say that there has never been a greater source of betterment of the human situation than the global Christian movement in terms of education, health care and the status of women and slaves (Study Guide 60)
Nay, in general the heathen have showed a willingness to hear the Word, and have principally expressed their hatred of Christianity on account of the vices of nominal Christians (William Carey 298)
It is a solemn and momentous truth that our every act in this present life—and our every omission too—has a direct and important bearing both on our own future welfare, and on that of others. And as believers, it behoves us to do whatsoever we do in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (J. Hudson Taylor 305)
They are making a living; they might be making a life…
Faithful people know they are being trusted. Zeal to fulfill that trust distinguishes the faithful from those who are merely dutiful. The dutiful perform what is required, and so they are sometimes daunted in the face of sacrifice. The faithful remain dedicated to the One who entrusts them despite high cost. Sacrifice is a light thing for them because they have already entered some of the joy of their Master, who commends them for being not only good, but also faithful. (Study Guide 71)
For much of the 20th Century, it seemed like Christian Europe may have given its faith to the rest of the world but itself failed to keep the faith. (Ralph D. Winter and David A. Fraser 354)
The reason many do not follow Christ is not that evangelists can’t get them to but that people can’t always find ways to belong to a church fellowship without losing their cultural identity…
One out of every ten people on the planet is a Christian who is active in their faith. (Ralph D. Winter and Bruce A. Koch 509)
While not the only way to glorify God, nothing puts Christ’s lordship on display like a community of people dedicated to following Him. (Ralph D. Winter and Bruce A. Koch 511)
There are already approximately 670 churches in the world for every remaining unreached unimax people group! (Ralph D. Winter and Bruce A. Koch 524)
the countries in or near the 10/40 Window that are under-evangelized have only 35% of the world’s surface area, but 65% of its population. (Patrick Johnstone 543)
the temptation is to become so absorbed in helping people meet their felt needs that ultimate needs are neglected. (Roger S. Greenway 556)
Neither satan nor city problems can withstand the effects of prayer. (Roger S. Greenway 557)
Only when we emphasize that He is Savior and Lord, do we add an element of authority and governance that draws in the Kingdom concept. (Ralph D. Winter 529)
But being a disciple involves more than passive comprehension. A disciple is commanded to witness to his faith, encourage other Christians, exhort those who need it, pray, give praise, give thanks, sing, memorize God's Word, teach his own children, older women to teach younger women, instruct one another, meditate; exercise gifts of the Spirit given to him that involve verbal behavior, such as communicating wisdom, passing on knowledge, prophecy, interpretation of tongues, fulfilling the functions of appointed messengers, evangelists, pastors, and teachers. Some persons are to read Scripture publicly, to teach, preach, and interpret any foreign language used in church. (Barbara F. Grimes 559)
People believe that the world really is the way they see it. Those who disagree are wrong or crazy. (Paul G. Hiebert 377)
Some missionaries in Congo had trouble in building rapport with the people. Finally, one old man explained the people’s hesitancy to befriend the missionaries. “When you came, you brought your strange ways,” he said. “You brought tins of food. On the outside of one was a picture of corn. When you opened it, inside was corn and you ate it. Outside another was a picture of meat, and inside was meat, and you ate it. And then when you had your baby, you brought in small tins. On the outside was a
picture of babies, and you opened it and fed the inside to your child!” To us, the people’s confusion sounds foolish, but it is all too logical. In the absence of other information, the people must draw their own conclusions about our actions. We do the same about theirs. (Paul G. Hiebert 377)
But ethnocentrism is a two-way street. We feel that people in other cultures are primitive, and they judge us to be uncivilized…The solution to ethnocentrism is empathy. (Paul G. Hiebert 378)
Out of this recognition of the integrity of all cultures, emerged the concept of cultural relativism: the belief that all cultures are equally good—that no culture has the right to stand in judgment of others.
This position of cultural relativism is very attractive. It shows high respect for other people and their cultures and avoids the errors of ethnocentrism and premature judgments. The price we pay, however, in adopting total cultural relativism is the loss of such things as truth and righteousness. If all explanations of reality are equally valid, we can no longer speak of error, and if all behavior is justified according to its cultural context, we can no longer speak of sin. There is then no need for the gospel and no reason for mission. (Paul G. Hiebert 379)
Culture refers to the structure, society refers to the people themselves…Unfortunately, when we see others living according to cultural patterns and with worldview assumptions different from our own we often feel sorry for them, as if their ways are inferior to ours…The way of Jesus is, however, to honor a people's culture and its incorporated worldview, not to wrest them from it. Just as He entered the cultural life of the Jews to communicate with them, so we are to enter the cultural matrix of the people we seek to win. (Charles H. Kraft 386)
the Holy Spirit…alone brings about any significant change. God is already at work in all the cultures of the world. Missionaries accompany and extend, rather than begin God’s work among the cultures of the world. (Study Guide 98)
Contrary to the belief of Jehovah's Witnesses, there is nothing innately sacred about any particular combination of sounds and letter as a name for the Almighty. (Don Richardson 402)
If both uncritical rejection and uncritical acceptance of old ways undermine the mission task, what should we and Christian converts do with people’s cultural heritage? A third approach is to evaluate it in light of biblical teachings. The first step is to study the old ways in order to understand them. The missionary and church leaders should help new converts to examine their traditional practices. The next step is to lead the church in Bible study related to the question under consideration. (Paul G. Hiebert 382)
In America it is syncretistic, unbiblical Christianity that sees “the American way of life” as identical with biblical Christianity or assumes that, by generating enough faith we can pressure God into giving us whatever we want, or that we should out of love and tolerance regard homosexuality and even homosexual “marriage” to go unopposed despite clear biblical condemnations…We, then, are to always point to the Holy Spirit (not ourselves) as the Guide while participating with them in discovering His leading. We can assure people that the Holy Spirit will always guide them in accordance with the Scriptures. Practicing this approach, missionary Jacob Loewen chose to never answer directly any questions from the new Christians such as, "What should we do?" Instead, he would ask them, "What is the Holy Spirit showing you?" (Charles H. Kraft 390)
[grasshoppers]may have been correct. The point is that they had not thought of this second possibility because in their own culture grasshopper locusts are prevalent while locust fruit is not. (David J. Hesselgrave 395)
According to the Bible John the Baptist’s diet consisted of this fruit and wild honey. This is the locust. (David J. Hesselgrave 395)
First, our world-view. We are agreed that the heart of every culture is a “religion” of some kind, even if it is an irreligious religion like Marxism. “Culture is religion made visible” (J. H. Bavinck)…Conversion is spurious if it does not liberate us to love… The convert should be encouraged to see his or her relation to the past as a combination of rupture and continuity. (The Lausanne Committee 495)
true answers to prayer are those that bring the greatest glory to God, not those that satisfy my immediate desires. (Paul G. Hiebert 421)
Illiterate and semi-literature people in the world probably outnumber people who can read. (Tom A. Steffen 405)
if God communicated the majority of his message to the world through story, what does this suggest to Christian workers? (Tom A. Steffen 406)
This is not a quote from Persepctives: if you've read all of this so far then contact me, and I'll give you a free prize like a CD or something!!! (David Loti 043009)
The bicultural bridge is a set of relationships between people from two cultures. But it is more. It is a new culture. The missionary can never truly “go native.” (Paul G. Hiebert 422)
identification is not an end in itself. It is the road to the task of gospel proclamation. (William D. Reyburn 451)
The missionary who is immediately immersed in the local community has many advantages. If the newcomer lives with a local family, he or she can learn how the insiders organize their lives, how they get their food, and do their shopping, and how they get around with public transportation. Much can be learned during the first months about the insiders' attitudes and their feelings about the ways foreigners live. As the newcomer experiences an alternative lifestyle, he or she can evaluate the value of adopting it. On the other hand, the missionary whose first priority is to get settled will only be able to settle in a familiar way. Since nothing else has been experienced, no other options are possible. And once a missionary is comfortably settled in the old life-style, that person is virtually locked into a pattern that is foreign to the local people.
In our first culture, it comes naturally to go about things in a way that works. We know which way to look for traffic as we step off the curb, how to get a bus to stop for us, how to pay a fair price for goods or services, how to get needed information, or where to go for help. But in a new culture, the way to do things seems to be unpredictable. A new missionary who first establishes a sense of belonging with other missionary expatriates has his or her entry cushioned by these foreigners. In the past, it was generally thought that this cushioning was important for the adjustment of the newcomer. Often a newcomer’s arrival was planned to coincide with a field council pow-wow. We would like to suggest, however, that this cushioning is an unfortunate disservice.
Like the first day of an infant's life, the first two or three weeks of a newcomer missionary's stay is of crucial importance. The initial blush of life in the new environment is when developing a sense of belonging is most possible. During this time, a person may be especially able to cope with the unpredictable situations encountered in the new culture, and cushioning is the last thing needed.
The Individual who hopes to enter another culture in a gradual way faces greater obstacles and, in fact, may never enjoy the experience of belonging to the people. Better to plunge right in and experience life from the Insiders' perspective. Live with the people, go shopping with them, use public transportation with them, worship with them as it may be appropriate.
From the very first day, it is important to develop many relationships with local people. The newcomer should early on communicate his or her needs and the desire to be a learner. People help other people who are clearly in need. When potentially stressful situations come up, the new missionary can, as learner, secure help, receive answers or be given insight from these insiders. In the same situation, the one who is being cushioned receives outsiders' answers to insiders' situations and that person’s foreignness and alienation are thereby perpetuated.
A couple who has chosen to be isolated from Western people during their first months in a Muslim context wrote us about the victories they have experienced:
The Lord has blessed our work here, and my husband is discipling two Muslim converts. We really have been alone in many ways. We supported each other, but at times the burdens seemed so big and we didn't have anyone else to talk to or look to for advice. But I suppose that is why we have such good national friends.
Bonding is the factor that makes it possible for the newcomer to belong to “such good national friends.” Of course there will be stressful situations, but the bonded newcomer, experiencing the wonder of close relationships, is able to derive support from the network of the local friendships he or she has developed. This in turn facilitates the acquisition of the insiders' ways and gives a sense of feeling at home. The one who feels at home may feel discouraged or even melancholy for a time and some cultural stress is to be expected, but it may not be necessary to experience severe and prolonged culture shock. (E. Thomas and Elizabeth S. Brewster 445-6)
Language study will often be a burden and frustration for these who maintain their primary relationships with expatriates…If a newcomer is going to successfully establish himself as a belonger, live with the local family and learn from relationships on the streets, a prior decision and commitment to do so is essential. Without such a prior commitment it doesn’t usually happen. (E. Thomas and Elizabeth S. Brewster 447)
it is interesting that organization and management engineers have discovered that, though the system of communication is usually well developed from headquarters to the front, or from the boss down to the man at the lathe, the reverse system of communication, is often quite lacking with resultant military fiascoes and bad labor relations. (Eugene A. Nida 431)
International Christian Concern reports: "More Christians are persecuted and martyred for their faith in this century than all previous centuries combined. Nearly two thirds of all Christians alive in the world today suffer persecution in varying degrees, including the loss of freedom, discrimination, imprisonment, slavery, and torture." (World Relief Corporation 573)
It is easy for us to become insulated against action. Lulled into the belief that the problems confronting us lie beyond our realm of control. The needs of the poor-and the rich-transcend the physical and the psychological. They are spiritual as well. The most effective plans meet the needs of the whole person...what we really believe in, we do. Everything else is just so much religious rhetoric. (World Relief Corporation 574)
I submit that what makes Christian mission different from other commendable and sincere attempts to improve the human condition is this: in the Christian mission our vertical relationship to God comes first. Our horizontal relationship to our neighbor is "like unto it," and is just as indispensable, but it is still second. The leading partner is evangelism. (Samuel Hugh Moffett 576)
They don’t talk about religion. Instead they say, "We’re not here to change your religion, because all religions are basically the same; they’re all about making people good." Then they talk about knowing the Word, the Living Word who is Jesus Christ, Jesus who is above all religions. (James W. Gustafson 678)
development must serve, not lead. Our development is always based in the local church. (James W. Gustafson 678)
The core transformation is at the point of values and vision…Make people, rather than technology, the focal point. When local people are involved in making decisions they ultimately take responsibility for determining their future…the external facilitator's tasks is to discover what God is doing and support what may already be happening as a bridge to how God wants to use the external resource and revelation. (Samuel J. Voorhies 590-1)
As modernity and technology press global change at a breathtaking pace, negative change will take place if Christians do not intervene in positive ways. (SG 118)
no human being can or should try to escape value judgments (Dale W. Kietzman and William A. Smalley 482)
satan’s method of getting one group to abuse another is rooted in the hard-headed collision of self-righteous people within each group. (John Dawson 565)
During the great seasons of revival in the past, the church always placed a considerable emphasis on open acknowledgement of sin and called for changed attitudes and just actions…As Christians, we believe in confession, repentance, reconciliation and restitution. (John Dawson 566)
Jesus didn't tell us to apply the cross to the other person, but to ourselves. This is what gives us power to be reconcilers. It is a mystery revealed in the cross of Christ. Each believer must take up the cross and apply it to their own identity…He's looking for those who will express the humility of Christ and bring healing to the nations…It was the ministry of reconciliation which gave credibility of the gospel more than anything else. (John Dawson 568)
Christward movements of peoples are the supreme goal of missionary effort. (Donald A. McGavran 336)
it is difficult for individualistic Westerners to realize that in many "face-to-face" societies, religious decisions are made corporately…I participate, therefore I am. (Chua Wee Hian 614-5)
Most non-Western social and family structures are built on the assumption that "I participate, therefore I am." (Study Guide 125)
Patterson defines a church as a group of believers in Christ dedicated to obey His commands...missionaries should aim to plant a church that will be able to plant many other churches…The most successful church planters avoid public preaching of the gospel. They work from the very earliest stage to train and to coach local leaders to communicate the gospel, primarily by way of family ties in small home settings rather than formal preaching venues. (Study Guide 127)
Avoid institutions if possible at this beachhead stage (community development programs unrelated to church planting, schools, clinics, etc.); they will come later. In Honduras we developed community development work but it grew out of the churches, not vice versa. (George Patterson 597-8)
To plant churches in a pioneer field, aim for each community to have a group of believers in Christ committed to obey His commands. This definition of a church might get a D minus where you studied
theology; but the more you add to it, the harder it will be for the churches you start to reproduce. We asked our converts to memorize the following list of Christ’s basic commands:
Memorize them; you can neither be nor make obedient disciples, unless they are basic to your
Christian experience. They are the ABC’s of both discipling and church planting…Repentance goes deeper than a decision; it is a permanent change wrought by God’s Spirit. We are born all over again. Few purely intellectual decisions in any culture lead to permanent, obedient discipleship…Teaching heavy theology before one learns loving, childlike obedience is dangerous. (George Patterson 601)
Don't seek "decisions" for Christ; seek to bring about repentance and faith throughout entire families. (Study Guide 128)
Nearly all church divisions and quarrels originate when a power hungry person seeking followers puts mere apostolic practices or human customs (levels 2 or 3 above) at the top level as law. (George Patterson 602)
An indigenous church is precisely one in which the changes which take place under the guidance of the
Holy Spirit meet the needs and fulfill the meanings of that society and not of any outside group. (William A. Smalley 476)
The converts of an indigenous movement are not necessarily cleaner than their neighbors, not necessarily more healthy, not necessarily better educated. It is, furthermore, often the moment at which they become cleaner, more healthy and more educated that the barrier begins to grow which makes their indigenous interaction with their neighbors less likely, and the growth of the movement begins to taper off. (William A. Smalley 478)
when leaders aim to multiply churches, great numbers of new disciples are made. If goals are framed around the numbers of new converts, there are much smaller results. (Study Guide 131)
"The missionaries did not teach us to tithe because they thought we were too poor. They did not know that we were poor because we did not tithe." There is a law in the universe that if God gives you something, you're supposed to give some of it back to Him. (Glenn Schwartz 592)
when global resources replace local resources, people are being deprived of the joy of giving back to the Lord some of what He has given to them. (Glenn Schwartz 594)
The meetings…always have a good number of unsaved in attendance because the natural setting of the home is neither foreign nor unnerving. (William Mial 675)
The history of mission in Africa is replete with churches started by buying slaves, freeing them and employing those who could not return to their kindred. Such as chose to, could accept the Lord. A hundred and fifty years ago this was a common way of starting a church. With the outlawing of slavery, of course, it ceased to be used. (Donald A. McGavran 617)
Paul did not attack all imperfect social institutions. (621 Donald A. McGavran)
My book Beyond the Mosque deals extensively with the issue with the issue of why, when and how a convert must disassociate himself or herself from the mosque (though not from Muslim community per se.) (Phil Parshall 655)
I do, however, make room for a transitional period wherein the new believer, while maturing in his adopted faith, slowly pulls back from mosque attendance. Too sudden of a departure may park intense antagonism and subsequent alienation. See 2 Kings 5 for an interesting insight on how Elisha responded to the new convert, Naaman, who brought up the subject of his ongoing presence in the heathen temple of Rimmon. (Phil Parshall 655)
anything Western has its attractions and detractions, and while most cities of the world are superficially Westernized, Western Christianity has really only successfully lapped up minorities around the world, peoples who had nothing to lose by opting for an outside, foreign culture as against an oppressive majority culture. (Ralph D. Winter 370)
If we get into this kind of situation where evangelists dispose of all cultural values and creative arts on the presupposition that they are all incompatible with Christianity because they have been used previously for heathen purposes (as many evangelists do argue), we find ourselves with creative people who can no longer create, and would-be participators who become non-participants, and before long the cultural voids we have created begin to be felt. (Alan R. Tippett 631)
Look to the heathen without Christ, and you will find an altar…and may God help you to be a sacrifice. (Warren Chastain 650)
any ideology which must force to maintain its adherents is admitting its inherent weaknesses.
(Warren Chastain 651)
No matter how resistant Islam has been in the past to the gospel, each new generation is a new opportunity for a God who is unwilling to let any man perish. (Warren Chastain 651)
to a thoughtful Muslim the very unthinkability of the incarnation may hint at its truth. Surely no human mind would dream up such a scheme—and then to glory in it and to make it the foundation of salvation is too grand a concept for some religious hucksters to conceive and peddle…there is no evidence that God loves man at all if the sacrifice of the incarnation is false. (Warren Chastain 652)
If we preach a message of ultimate sacrifice but deliver it through a lifestyle which denies sacrifice, we make void our own message. If we preach a message of love in an unloving way, our hearers will doubt that we believe it ourselves. (Warren Chastain 654)
Most Sarabians have grown up believing that Christianity and the Western lifestyle are synonymous and, therefore, that Christianity is an inferior and “dirty” religion. (Greg Livingstone 689)
When God calls anyone, He does not call people to go away from Him to distant places. God always calls His servants closer to Himself. (Study Guide 149)
every Christian is meant to be a World Christian, whether you physically "go," or "stay at home" to provide the sacrificial love, prayers, training, money, and quality of corporate life that backs the witness of those who "go." (David Bryant 703)
The Poor Pay More. They may very well pay more for the things they buy, but they are apparently willing to pay more for the things they believe. (Ralph D. Winter 706)
The nearly two billion dollars American evangelicals give per year to mission agencies is one fourth of what they spend on weight-loss programs. A person must overeat by at least two dollars worth of food per month to maintain one excess pound of flesh. Yet two dollars per month is more than what 90% of all Christians in America give to missions. If the average mission supporter is only five pounds overweight, it means he spends (to his own hurt) at least five times as much as he gives for missions. If he were to choose simple food (as well as not overeat) he could give ten times as much as he does to mission and not modify his standard of living in any other way! (Ralph D. Winter 706)
if a million average Presbyterian households were to live within the average Presbyterian minister’s salary, it would create at least two billion dollars a year. (Ralph D. Winter 707)
families can be healthier and happier by identifying themselves with the same discipline with which the missionary families are coping. (Ralph D. Winter 707)
For every fruitful missionary we invariably find a dozen or more people undergirding their efforts. (Steven C. Hawthorne 709)
Generosity flows from simplicity, not abundance. (Steven C. Hawthorne 709)
Never concede to doing something so small that it could be accomplished entirely in your lifetime. (Ralph D. Winter 719)
those who are not willing to stay, if that is God’s will, are not—and cannot—be qualified to go! (Ralph D. Winter 721)
being a mobilizer is just as much a spiritual calling as being a missionary. (Ralph D. Winter 721)
Nothing that does not occur daily will ever dominate your life. Being a World Christian is of little value, really, unless you are a daily World Christian! (Ralph D. Winter 722)
God reserves the best for those who leave the choice with Him. (Ralph D. Winter 722)
Paul is also specific about what constitutes a godly workplace lifestyle. Note four essentials: personal integrity, quality work, caring relationships and brief, fitting comments about God. In Colossians 3:22-24 and Eph 6:5-8, Paul tells Christians to serve their employer as though he were Jesus Christ. That attitude turns all labor into worship. The New Testament seems to have few instructions for evangelism, but actually it is filled with them. But the focus is not on techniques, but on lifestyle. (Ruth E. Siemens 739)
davidloti=davidloti
1.13
I’m still working at First Presbyterian Church and greatly enjoying that. I’m just so thankful for a job I enjoy. Awesome. It really fits my skill set nicely. I am so pleased to be around so many cool students too. And knowing how much youth and college ministers impacted the development of my Faith I am thankful to be in a position where hopefully I can be God’s instrument to pour into students willing to receive. Of course at times I realize how clueless I am and how much more I could be doing. And yet even though my offering is small and could be so much greater, I trust knowing Who I believe God to be and from the encouragement of others I am being used for wonderful Kingdom building.
One interesting and even saddening development at FPC is its recent disaffiliation with the PCUSA denomination. FPC has left PCUSA and joined the Evangelical Presbyterian Church; understandably there are hurt feelings over this decision, but it seems to be a good thing. From my understanding it seems that over the past dozen or so years FPC has worked to take a stand against a trend in the PCUSA towards theological liberalism to the degree that every presbytery can essentially decide to believe whatever it wants regarding certain issues. The problem with this scenario is it allows the potential for such diversity in credence that one group could evolve to believe the exact opposite as another group on central issues such as the authority of Scripture and Who Jesus is. Essentially this means each group of churches can decide to believe whatever it wants about such things and there will be no problem supposedly. In my opinion this is analogous to an organization that starts off as a vegan group. Then they decide to remain being a vegan group, but they allow non-vegan vegetarians to become members of their group. Then they say each local chapter can decide what they actually practice regarding veganism—even if that means eating meat. This poses the question of what’s the point of being in a group that doesn’t actually believe or practice anything consistently? (Interestingly I was reviewing my older posts, and this exact issue I discussed for the same reason last year. Basically what good is it to be part of an organization that is so tolerant of anything that there is no significant distinguishing, unifying belief?)
If Christianity is going to have meaning then it must first be derived from the word’s crux: Christ. If there is not agreement on even who Jesus Christ is after centuries of consistent belief regarding such then this is like having carnivores call themselves vegans and vegans be okay with this. In our age of tolerance it admittedly seems counterintuitive to suggest that taking a stance which excludes those who believe differently will result in a stronger (and possibly even larger) union. However I believe the Church will actually be stronger if It is unwilling to compromise on the Divinity, Existence, Sinlessness, and Instruction of Jesus Christ. To accept without reservation those who do not adhere to these tenants is to water down our Beliefs. And similarly after you’ve watered down Christianity to a certain degree it becomes Christianitied down water more than watered down Christianity. If you’re going to believe something then believe it, and understand that to believe something means that you’re likely going to encounter people who disagree. You can still love and respect people with whom you disagree without changing your beliefs. Perhaps people have come to believe that tolerance means accepting all beliefs as equal, and honestly no one actually believes this. Sometimes you have to stand unwaveringly on your conviction. If it is a conviction worth having then prove it by standing unswervingly for it. Finding that balance (knowing when a conviction should be not compromised or when it doesn’t matter) is part of what makes life an adventure. The issue of Jesus is important enough to stand firmly on in my opinion.
Regarding the disapproval of an elusive, liberal theology I know some people think certain Christians are intolerant of those who believe differently. I cannot offer much in response other than saying as offensive as people would like to believe Christianity is, I believe Jesus is humanity’s only road to Freedom and worth giving an honest and thorough investigation.
So after spending a sizeable percentage of time combating critical issues within the PCUSA for over a decade only to lose more ground, FPC’s leadership has researched, deliberated, and prayed to leave the PCUSA and join the EPC. It’s done, and as much as I regularly disassociate from politics (church and/or government), I think this was a good choice. However it’s simultaneously and predictably sad because some people have disagreed with this choice and left the family at FPC.
I went to see my buddy Jon Schmidt enter into a connubial relationship in Baltimore last weekend. It was a wonderful trip. At first I was not planning to go to the wedding. After the reply cards were due (I’d sent mine in a few days late with a negative response) Jon called me and asked if I was coming. I told him sadly I was not planning to do so. He said he could help me out with a place to stay and possibly a ride around if necessary. This was so awesome and helpful; the next day I booked the flight. In all honesty I just don’t handle logistics well. I wanted to be there, but I didn’t want to deal with booking a flight, a car, and a hotel room all by myself. I know this sounds pathetic; I’m just being honest with my deficiencies. Handling and organizing new stuff/details intimidates me; it’s not my skill set in my opinion. So I often just go without. Jon basically stood in for my weakness and helped me make it there. It was well beyond what he was expected to do with the wedding coming up so soon, but in his likely stressful time he quite exemplified why he’s so loveable. Jon is a generous, noble, and loyal man and friend; I’m so pleased he and Beth found each other—Beth seems to be a fantastic person as well. I am so pleased I got to celebrate his wedding with him and others, and I know it was because of him being the fantastic person he is that I was there. Awesome.
Furthermore some other friends from Baton Rouge and I stayed with a couple in Baltimore that were simply just too fantastic. They celebrated their 50th anniversary in 2007, and it was quite a pleasure to meet and visit with them. And hanging with some of my friends from Baton Rouge whom I do not often see was splendid as well. We had a 20-hour road trip home from Baltimore (which we did in one day), and it was fun and filled with plenty of shenanigans which one might expect from four young adult men on a 20-hour car ride. Good times. Oh yeah also I saw a box of tissue in front of a light switch and said “Don’t cry light switch.” This became a hit joke of the trip.
Two of my buddies mentioned they like a song I wrote years ago called Circles. One friend said he didn’t know if he agreed with the song theologically, but he still liked it. Without getting a full explanation of why he possibly disagreed I preemptively attempted to explain the song which has a line about “whatever you give you have received”, is not about endorsing a karma type of philosophy. I do not subscribe to karma, but I know admittedly the lyrics could be interpreted as such. I explained instead the idea is that hate begets hate and Love begets Love. Like a circle, we pour out what we have received. In order to pour out Love we must first receive Love from outside ourselves—and sometimes people give us Love, and we do not receive it. Without receiving Love we are doomed and trapped in the slavery of selfishness. (I subscribe to the mankind is inherently evil viewpoint.) My friend seemed quite pleased to hear this explication.
At this point I would like to point out even though I personally do not believe in karma and I do believe Christ is the unique road to our Freedom I also believe non-Christian viewpoints some times capture Biblical Truth accurately or at least partially. I believe some people who are not Christians are closer than others to following Christ, and consequentially some persons who don’t follow Christ espouse some of His Truth faithfully (even if unintentionally). Also it would be unfortunate for me to neglect to mention as a follower of Christ I also don’t believe I have everything figured out regarding life or Christianity, but I hope to be teachable through whomever God would choose to use—even if it’s not a Believer.
One notably strange experience did occur Friday night in Baltimore though. Jon invited me to the rehearsal dinner, which was lovely and fun. I really enjoyed speaking with Jon’s sister and her husband about Regent; they’re both Regent graduates. After the dinner some of the Baton Rouge guys were in a car together waiting at a red light right outside the restaurant we had just left. Jon had mentioned we were not far from a not extremely safe part of Baltimore. The section we were in seemed fine, but a group of maybe thirty or so teenagers suddenly appeared and then started seriously beating up one kid. They threw him to the ground and started kicking and punching him. I felt so useless. I didn’t know what to do. It was a chaotic, strange, surreal experience, and strangely enough we were listening to a Ben Fold’s song about the difficulties being male, middle class, and white while we witnessed this. I guess I should have called 911? I just didn’t know what to do or how to respond to what I was seeing. I briefly thought about getting out of the car and trying to jump in to make peace or at least deter the event, but that seemed like it would have been a ridiculous sacrifice. Like I said: strange.
Transitioning:
To put this arbitrary skeletal amalgam of thoughts on tension and balance into an animated bodily context, I recently took a test which evaluated brain dominance. Apparently when I took the test a few weeks ago I was balanced between left and right brain—no big surprise when I consider how ambivalent I frequently am on issues—neither side prevails. I don’t know what percentage of people are in a similar situation of non-dominance; that would be an interesting thing to find out. It seems for many people one side prevails—left brain or right brain. So if the brain’s left hemisphere houses one viewpoint/methodology and the right hemisphere another, it’s kinda strange to think of those two things being in balance because when in conflict they’ll often remain unresolved. Of course this is only my inference; I do not have data to back up this hypothesis. It just seems to fit the observation of my experience. Non-brain dominance leads to ambivalence—makes sense to me. That would certainly explain my own ambivalence on so many issues.
And now for some thoughts on some things that make total anti-sense to me:
Women. Hmmmm??? Look. I don’t really have crap figured out about women. I like women; I’m pretty excited about God’s male/female design. I would love to marry a woman who loves Jesus and brings me closer to Him while I bring her closer to Him. How lovely that would be: mutual growth and respect. Ahhhhhhh! How quixotic. (That’s right, I went there.) But other than my idealistic view, women are a massive mystery to me. I have my list of failed relationships with women—whatever “failed relationships” means—and it’s frustrating. Hopefully I’ve learned things from those special relationships which ended not as I’d hoped, but every time I add another lady to that list it becomes more difficult to desire to take the relationship risk again and easier to think I am doomed to perpetual failure. And I totally know I’m not perfect; I’ve made plenty of identifiable poor decisions regarding the rib race—like calling women the rib race for example. Creation allusion aside, I don’t expect myself to be perfect, and I don’t expect a woman to be perfect either. I’m just wondering what I’m missing, doing wrong, or need to change in my perspective or actions regarding ladies. A further problem is I’m actually not really receptive to hearing more philosophies I view as lame from people I view as nearly as clueless as myself (even if they are married). I would love to really get God’s Thoughts on such things or the thoughts of others I respect and trust. In the mean time I just push on as best I can and muddle my way through.
Apparently according to one ex-girlfriend I am a good boyfriend when it comes to thoughtfulness and loyalty. I was surprised to hear this since she and I argued a lot, and I’m glad according to her I did pretty well at the thoughtfulness and loyalty side of things. It’s funny to hear this and consider if I was such a good boyfriend then why did she and I break up? It would be helpful to know what I could improve for next time—sorta like the post-breakup evaluation. In what ways do I need to consider changing things to better love and serve ladies in my future? Of course one problem is that every woman is different, so that makes it difficult to apply specifics from one relationship to another other than universals such as love and respect. However I think I’m learning a lot of times I need to just chill out on issues, be patient, and let certain things just cool off over time rather than trying to fix every problem immediately. Who knows though?
I think one thing that frustrates me is the precarious dating game, probably because I suck at it—apparently. For example I heard a woman recently tell me there’s a (quasi-flexible) rule that a woman is not to say yes after Wednesday to a man asking her out for the upcoming weekend—because she should make him wait longer. It seems this mostly applies to first and second dates, but even though on one level this sorta makes sense, it just seems like an added layer of difficulty and challenge to a game at which I’m already not excelling. I mean if the game is difficult enough on the medium setting then I shouldn’t attempt to play the game on the hard or pro settings, right? Plus if I didn’t know about this rule, how many other rules am I ignorant on as well?
It seems in this game some times one person may expect the other to change, and the second person might change superficially temporarily, but then later s/he reverts and the first person dislikes this, so problems emerge. Honesty from the start would be nice. Awesome. You’re not interested. Great. You would rather not talk about that. Fantastic. Let’s just be direct with things. Feeling rejected always seems to suck. It’s nicer when there is some honesty involved though.
Context: last fall a friend was trying to set me up with a friend of hers. This woman told my friend she would be interested in doing a group get together thing to meet me, and I said I’d be open to that too. After thinking about how this woman and I might feel like we’re zoo exhibits in front of everyone else in a group setting, I decided to ask her out for a cup of coffee instead. Three days later she said thanks for the offer but she didn’t think coffee was going to work with her crazy school and work schedule. Obviously something happened between her wanting to meet me in a group setting to not wanting to meet me at all. I don’t know if it was my Facebook profile was not cool enough, my wording, delivery or timing were somehow wrong in her view when I asked her out for coffee, or something else. But obviously something changed that I don’t know. And that’s the problem: I don’t know. Instead of getting an honest “I’m not really interested at this time” reply I got the unsuccessfully euphemistic “my life’s too busy” response. (Are you sure you’re not washing your hair tonight and every night for the rest of this week, month, year, life?) Clearly she could have had time for a thirty-minute meeting over coffee even with a busy work and school schedule. She just wasn’t interested, for whatever reason. And that’s fine, but I will chalk up the actual answer I got as a lie—straight up. That’s dishonest in my assessment. Oh well. Get over it.
I think this dating game is not always genuine, and possibly even a crucial correlative consideration in the divorce rate discussion. But here is my conclusion on this at this time: people who play games in dating and then complain the other person has changed after the beginning of the relationship are foolish and get everything they’ve invested through their playing of games.
I was talking to a buddy late last year about the ambiguity of male/female relationships. Consider this scene: a woman comes across the room and says hi to a guy. He’s seen her many times before, and she’s never come out of her way to do anything similar. So certainly she could just be making a friendly gesture or she could be into the guy. One option: if the guy’s thinking “she might be into me since she came across the room to talk to me” and responds accordingly, the girl could be thinking “how could he think I am into him?!?!—all I did was come across the room and talk to him.” Another option: if the guy is thinking “I shouldn’t think she’s into me—all she did was walk across the room to talk to me”—and responds accordingly, the girl might be thinking “how can he not know I’m into him—I came across the room to talk to him?!!!?!?” One event—two totally different interpretations. And somehow neither option is wrong. Both can naturally happen from the same impetus. (Interestingly a teenage girl heard me convey this enigma to some high school guys last month, and she said girls do this to keep guys interested and guessing.) Ugggh. My buddy summed it best recently when he said women should give guys a clue when they’re on the right track at least. Let the guy know he’s doing something right (or wrong!) That would be nice rather than all the guessing. Is she into me or not? I don’t know. It seems I rarely know.
In romantics the chase/ambiguity/mystery can be kinda fun, but simultaneously it’s the games I don’t like and apparently suck at: wait this long between getting a number and calling; don’t ask out a lady after Wednesday for the weekend; innocuous lies are better than unambiguous truths. These games just cause a lot of problems and frustrations to me it seems.
And another thing that’s difficult regarding women is when one person likes the other and the other person does not reciprocate those feelings. This is especially hard when I’m the person who does not like the woman who likes me. In my mind—although this is not how I really feel—it’s almost as if I’m saying there is a hierarchy in God’s creation of women and she is not good enough. It stinks thinking that I might be viewing things that way. I don’t understand why I’m attracted to one woman and not another, and it is hard when I am the one who hurts the others’ feelings.
So yeah apparently I am not the best at this male/female relationship stuff (whatever that means) and based on not achieving the desired results, I’m aware of it. But even with my list of regrets regarding women and my doubts in the system I think I need to not be overwhelmed about it. I am living my life trying to focus on Christ and allow Him to shape me; this is top priority. Even if no woman ever finds me attractive again (or ever did) then that would not destroy my inherent worth to God or His Work in and through my life. My fundamental identity and value are in Christ, not a woman.
I remember a friend told me last year I’m probably a lot harder on myself than I am on others, and I probably judge myself much harsher than I judge others. Without a doubt! So I should probably let up a bit. I give others Grace; I should receive Some from God and give It to myself too. Yeah I’ve made mistakes, but my past is not irredeemable. Christ brings Freedom and Forgiveness!!!! I’m a decent guy because God is doing some pretty awesome Work in Re-Forming me, and there is possibly a woman who will feel blessed to be married to me one day. So it’s all good. I like who God made me to be and the way He’s Forming me; so rock on!
I’m also going to take this moment to say something about my buddy Andy Venuto regarding this topic. I love Andy Venuto; he is an awesome, fantastic, honest, intelligent, reflective, authentic, wonderful, thoughtful, loving man who loves Jesus. I hope a woman worthy of his splendidocity will soon decide she’s unwilling to just sit around while such a brilliant guy goes unappreciated by a special woman. Just throwing that out there. Andy Venuto: hit that up—but only if you’re totally awesome and worthy of the awesomeocity known as Andy Venuto.
Now for a second topic that does not make total sense to me: atheism.
I have recently reflected on some of the implications of atheism and different brands of atheism because of a friend’s recent turn from Christianity to atheism. I find it interesting that many of this friend’s polemics against theism in general are specifically centered in antagonism against a specific Christian congregation that my friend, some mutual friends of ours, and myself attended years ago. It is interesting to note that all of our friends (except one to my knowledge), myself, and eventually this friend all left this church independently for similar reasons. Thus on this specific conclusion my friend and I are actually in agreement mostly—this one church appeals to a very specific type of person who is willing to forfeit independence for the greater cause of this church; it is in this friend’s general conclusion—God doesn’t exist—I disagree. Thus after months of processing information, a consideration of atheism follows.
Atheism could possibly be appropriately synonymously labeled nothingism in many cases because foundationally atheism is the belief in nothing. Initially it is interesting to observe that a group would identify itself through a non-belief. How persons proceed to build upon this belief in nothing is how different brands of atheism emerge in my opinion.
One brand of atheism, on which I will focus my exploration, concurrently endorses macroevolution and denies the existence of any immeasurable non-physical reality. The implications of this type of atheism are fascinating to me. It seems by way of this perspective there is no such thing as autonomy because creatures, being a collection of cells and chemical reactions, are slaves to their strongest chemical reactions and cells: the cells with the best advantages for survival and the most potent chemicals win in the grand picture of decision making. Accordingly every thought, movement, decision, reaction, and feeling is the result of nothing more than DNA composition and cellular chemical reactions—and given enough time there will be testable scientific explanations and predictors for each. It seems all actions ranging from leading the civil rights movement to genocide are equally inescapably uncontrollable. Furthermore it seems to follow in a physically exclusive macroevolutionary atheism, the ideas of beauty, good, evil, and morality do not exist absolutely because they are cultural, relative, fluid, debatable, immeasurable, non-intrinsic, opinioned ideas which only result from changeable DNA compositions and cellular chemical reactions. The strongest cell or group of cells and chemicals wins. (By the way: even though I disagree with this belief personally, all of this information is not a judgment; it’s merely a catalogue of my assessments and conclusions of the implications of the data.)
Some further observations about atheism:
I think science is a great tool and can help us better understand our existence. I have no problem allowing science to take part in shaping my Christian worldview. However, sometimes science is used as fuel for spiritual nothingism because a non-physical reality is immeasurable by known scientific means. Therefore the conclusion is sometimes there is no reason to believe in anything science cannot measure: science thus is our only trustworthy tool for measurement. I believe this perspective unfortunately ignorantly gives science more power than it’s capable of handling. Science has limitations in what it can measure, and to deny these limitations is to suggest that science is the only tool we have in our human toolbox. Similarly a piece of litmus paper is not going to be useful in measuring the density of a star. Science is a wonderful tool for measuring physical reality; however we would next expect it to be useful in measuring a non-physical reality any more than we would expect a piece of litmus paper to measure a star’s density. To conclude that because science is not a useful tool in understanding a non-physical reality then a non-physical reality must not exist is similar to using a hammer as a nail and, realizing the futility of this task, concluding that walls—into which nails are properly driven—don’t exist. Like science and theology, hammers and nails are tools that serve different, but complimentary purposes.
The problem I see is there is evidence for a non-physical reality (notice I did not say proof for non-physical reality.) So it would be silly to just deny this evidence simply because science cannot measure it. Similarly it would be strange to conclude that when my eyes (nor the eyes of any other) do not gaze upon objects such as the things behind me or items in another room then those things cease to exist when there is evidence (notice I did not say proof) to believe they still exist when I do not see them. I certainly cannot prove their existence or non-existence when I (nor anyone else) do not gaze on them. Recognizably this is similar to the when a tree falls in the woods and no one’s there to hear it does it make a sound? puzzle. It seems to me the atheist standpoint is similar to one that says when the tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it then the woods must not exist because they cannot be measured. Fair enough: this analogy is a little less complicated than reality because of the non-physical realm consideration, but it’s still a useful starting point. Accordingly I see atheism as a faith, and in frequent situations even a religion. But without a doubt atheism absolutely cannot be proved or disproved any more or less than God can. Therefore our faith should derive from the best evidence.
Now as I’ve just exemplified analogies are fun and often useful tools, and it should also be remembered in my use of analogies and my consideration of them that analogies inevitably always have deficiencies even if they help us better picture and comprehend an idea; thus my analogies can be torn down as can others. Fair enough. Even so I will now aim to dissect two analogies: one used for atheism and one used against.
There is an interesting analogy atheism touts to lampoon theism: the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Although this idea is quite funny conceptually and even polemically to a degree (and I will give it that—the FSM is a very funny, creative concept and argument), the FSM certainly does not equally translate when considering theistic reality—specifically that of Jesus Christ. The analogy of the FSM is that people just made up God one day and started believing in Him superstitiously even though they knew He was false and there was no evidence to believe; that’s why belief in God is equivalent to just making up a FSM and believing in it for no good reason.
In the case of the Bible, particularly the New Testament, it seems fair to say the authors actually believed the stuff they were writing—enough to allow themselves to be killed for it in many cases; this martyrdom would be quite strange if the martyrs knew what they write was a lie. Furthermore the Bible wasn’t just the conspiracy of one or two persons willing to die for their lie; the Bible involves various collaborative, corroborating witnesses and authors including one major contributor who started off as an antagonist to the cause. So in the case of a relatively detailed and specific Jesus who is introduced not only in the writings of those who touted His Divinity but also by those who disagreed with His purported Messianic qualities, it seems incongruous to suggest believing Jesus to be God is analogous to believing in an undocumented, non-evidenced, non-historical purely fabricated Flying Spaghetti Monster.
I’ve observed one way the FSM analogy has attempted to level Jesus with the FSM analogy is to bring the earthly existence of Jesus into disrepute: Jesus was the most successful and deceptive conspiratorial invention of all time. One tactic of the Jesus conspiracy cause is trying to cast doubt of a physical Jesus through evidence of syncretism in Christianity. One example is claiming all the similarities between the ancient cult of mithras and the beliefs of Christians indicate Christians borrowed from the cult of mithras since Christianity came later in history. This is clever, but it may not consider all the information. Whereas the cult of mithras certainly did exist before Christ, it is not entirely clear what its beliefs and practices were before Christ or even when its beliefs developed. In fact one interesting consideration is that the cult of mithras practiced syncretism with Christian beliefs because the growth of Christianity in the first three centuries threatened the cult. So the cult of mithras possibly attempted self-preservation by altering its beliefs to look more like Christianity’s. This is just one example of attempts to cast doubt on a historical Jesus, but admittedly if Jesus did not exist then the similarity of the FSM analogy would be stronger since Jesus would clearly have been a known fabrication at one time among its progenitors. Once again though I will logically appeal to the accounts of those who died for their beliefs that Jesus was the Human Manifestation of God, Resurrected in 1st century A.D.; those persons would have necessarily had the information and witness to know whether or not this was factual and worth the sacrifice of earthly standing and even martyrdom. In contrast there are no people (to my knowledge) who have died for their belief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Now another analogy heard in the evolution polemics discussion is that evolution is the equivalent to having monkeys sit at typewriters and eventually end up with Hamlet. Honestly I don’t believe this analogy is quite fair, and I just wanted to throw this out there for consideration, even if it might seemingly strengthen the atheistic evolution position—with which I clearly disagree. Let’s start with the monkeys at typewriters. Even though they’re seemingly randomly hammering on keys every once in a while they’ll type out an actual English word, right? Of course. So evolution says every time an actual word appears in the collection of gibberish the monkeys are typing it somehow has an advantage over the other non-words. Therefore that actual word is more likely to appear over time among the non-words. As the actual word appears more frequently it’s more likely that words that are similar will also appear more frequently. So over time more and more words eventually are typed out and have an advantage over non-words. As actual words accumulate then sentences and paragraphs can follow in a similar fashion. To me this seems like a more accurate portrayal of evolution as an analogy of monkeys at typewriters. In fact honestly just throw out the monkeys altogether because that just clutters the analogy with intelligence behind the writing. Just have typewriters going by themselves randomly. So some words will emerge by pure statistics. As those words have an advantage over non-words then more words, sentences, and paragraphs will form. Now even with this being said—that I don’t think the monkeys at typewriters analogy against evolution is entirely parallel to what evolution actually claims—I honestly do agree with the conclusion that achieving Hamlet randomly is a bit too much—even given lots of time. I could see perhaps a children’s book being the product of such random natural selection of advantageous words over non-words. So if in the evolution analogy humans are equivalent to Hamlet then perhaps a snail would equate to Green Eggs and Ham. I’m actually willing to buy into Green Eggs and Ham given monkeys at typewriters for 4 billion years, but as I read more about the complexities of genetics I think Hamlet is a stretch for a random progression. This is just my opinion on this matter.
Additionally evolution seems contrary to the concept of entropy to me; so I would just be interested in hearing more about how entropy ties into evolution. I mean technically entropy is about energy in a system being decreased over time without intervention, but apparently other types of entropy exist (informational and topological for example.) If an organism is a system, then it doesn’t make sense without the addition of some outside energy that it would consistently randomly move from less complex to more complex even with random advantageous mutations. Accordingly I really don’t have a problem with Intelligent Design macroevolution, but since technically macroevolution to my understanding dictates that advantageous mutations occur by random chance and selection, ID and macroevolution are actually mutually exclusive beliefs.
And moving on:
Basically I think there are some crucial questions to humanity such as: How did the universe/life begin? If there is a beginning to time what came before the beginning? Why is there evil/suffering if God is good? Why doesn’t God just fix everything right now if He has the power to do so? What is life’s meaning/purpose? These are great questions, and honestly I don’t believe atheism or Christianity answer all of these questions completely to the satisfaction of all. There’s some give and take between the camps, and humans are expected to choose which collection of answers best suit the evidence and our human experience. For example atheism may point to the big bang and lightning-animated amino acids as answers to the origin of universe/life question while Christianity would point to the Triune God. Although each camp has different answers, either of these groups of answers can be satisfactorily believable to the How did the universe/life begin? question for each camp’s members. However in other significant questions there is not such balance between atheism and Christianity. Whereas Christianity’s answer to What came before the beginning? would once again clearly be the Triune God, I don’t know that atheism has an explanation or consideration at all. However atheism does not have a problem handling the Why is there evil/suffering if God is good? question because it’s so easily dismissed: God doesn’t even exist (and in some brands of atheism evil doesn’t either). But Christianity has a much more difficult time answering the suffering question satisfactorily. Sure we know God will use all experiences for the good of those who follow Him; we know God uses suffering for His Glory. However when we’re down in the muck it is much more difficult to grasp why He allows it in the first place. The same approach is similar for the Why doesn’t God just fix everything right now if He has the power to do so? question. Atheism can quickly dismiss it; Christianity has a more difficult time answering it—even though we believe Jesus’ll return when the time is right. Regarding what is probably the fundamental question of humanity: What is life’s meaning/purpose?, some brands of atheism simply say life really is meaningless other than survival of the fittest—which is beyond our control. At best life’s purpose is technology/advancement. I think we as people know this is fundamentally unsatisfying for humanity’s ultimate purpose though: achieve and develop as much as we can—that’s it? (He who dies with the most toys wins?) Thus the atheistic answer comes from disqualifying or unsatisfactorily answering the question, which is interesting since this question seems to be such an inherent and universal human inquiry. Christianity provides a very different satisfactory answer to the question of purpose. We are meant for Reconciliation, Restoration, Relationship, Redemption, Love, Eternity, and New Life as part of God’s Story. Thus atheism and Christianity handle the fundamental questions very differently, and we are expected to place faith in the one which makes most sense—to make a conclusion based on the data.
Now this is neither proof nor disproof of theism, but merely personal testimony: considering all of the atheistic arguments I have processed over the past six months especially, I have a stronger belief in God than I did before that time; from my analysis of the information I have seen and processed regarding atheism, Christianity makes the most sense of the data of life.
Now for a final surge of thought segments:
This Christmas was enjoyable. It was quite wonderful hanging out with friends and having very little stress; I did not see my family for Christmas; I saw all of them over Thanksgiving. I think in a sense though I cheated the Christmas season this year by not seeing my family. It seems part of the authentic Christmas experience involves engaging the family and encountering the awkwardness and diversity every family has. My disengagement and elimination of this personal familial dynamic from the holiday took away some of its completeness, as if to only experience it superficially. So I enjoyed it, even if on a superficial level.
Recent frustrations:
One of my crappy banks stole $6 from me on Christmas Eve because I had not used my account for 180 days. Ridiculous. So essentially they stole $6 (on Christmas Eve???!?!?!!!!!) from a youth minister because I caused absolutely no work for them. Now they had my $25 which I had entrusted to them which they could lend out to anyone, but because I decreased the workload for them without touching the $25 they stole $6 from me! That is pure greed folks. If they were more interested in me as a person than me as a dollar sign (or a dollar sign followed by a 6) then they clearly would have notified me at 150 days or so to say hey David if you don’t do anything with your account for 30 more days then we’re going to steal $6 from you. Just wanted to make sure you knew that before the theft rather than after. RIDICULOUS! I mean an NSF fee is one thing—that’s almost justifiable—they gave you money you didn’t technically have. (What is not justifiable about an NSF fee is when you overdraw numerous times and they charge you for each of those withdrawals after they intentionally did not tell you about them would they could have easily done so.) But an inactive fee instantaneously takes 24% of all my money because I have not done anything with it is wrong, and I will be impressed if you can convince me otherwise. I will not meditate on this any longer because it pisses me off, but basically just do unto others and don’t mess with people’s money!
A Soup Named Stew’s most recent T-shirts were misprinted in December, and although we will make some money off the error, the company which messed it up truly underestimates how much their error will cost us even with their compensation. They’re acting like they’re doing us a favor giving us some compensation for their mistake, but I truly believe they do not understand how serious the mistake was for us financially. We basically are sitting on 100 shirts, and I’ll be surprised if we sell 50 of them in the next year. Furthermore we have to sell 51 shirts just to break even on this error. Even so I am not willing to fight over it because it’s only T-shirts and money, and theoretically given enough time, we’ll make out ok…maybe. Thankfully though the company has treated me mostly respectfully, although they have not been excellent by any means.
That concludes recent frustrations. I will now bring things home and complete the remains of this thought surge.
I’m thinking about recording a new solo record this year. Also it will be awesome if Stand Up Citizens would reunite in 2008. I’m working on that a bit too.
A Soup Named Stew is awesome. I quite enjoy playing in that band. We are under consideration to play at a library in Florida for their summer reading kick off. In the past two months we’ve played some sweet shows! I’m so happy I get to play with those guys.
The show I played on Jan. 11 was great. I did a solo set after ASNS played a rocking good set. The whole evening was pretty sweet, including the opening band. I only hope I did not break my foot at that show—if it still hurts in a few days I will probably go to the doctor to have it checked out.
These shortcuts are awesome and highly useful in web browsers/word processing programs: ctrl f; ctrl shift c; ctrl shift v; ctrl z
InvisibleChildren.com, Kiva.org, and Postsecret.com are sweet sites.
U2, Potshot, and The Hanks are great bands.
The opposite of Love is indifference as much as it is hate.
The shooting at my former YWAM base in Denver is shocking and makes me wonder if and how we are to turn people away in their need when their need doesn’t fit our skill set or resources.
I was moved to tears while connecting with God during the music at a conference in Atlanta in November. It has been a long time since I have experienced such a physical response during music in a Church context, and I am so thankful God Blessed me in that way to experience that. I was much less excited when I was drawn away from that stupendous Blessing when the person playing the music decided distractingly to do a tribute to the 1980’s in the middle of that same song. That was weird, but I was so thankful I got to connect so intimately with my Maker even for a few moments.
I have tried to stop biting my nails numerous times over the past ten or so years without lasting success. Two weeks ago I looked down and noticed my nails were looking mighty fine—I could see the whites on all of them (which is uncommon for me), and I had made no conscious effort to cease biting them. Later I remembered in December I was driving to work one day and I prayed to God to help me stop biting my nails if He would be so Gracious. Interesting. Just wanted to share that.
What I identify as post-modern humor (such as the Gi Joe overdub cartoons) is often really funny to me. I think po-mo humor is often distinguishable from other types of humor because the reason why it’s funny is much more difficult to identify or explain.
Also I frequently enjoy jokes only a few people in a crowd get. There’s something really funny about that to me.
Substitute teaching is full of fun stories including apology letters from students! Also it’s some of the best ministry work I’ve done in my job as a youth minister.
My roommate is a nice guy.
Well that’ll do me for today—I finished writing this around 3:30 in the morning. (If you read all 8000+ of these words please contact me so I can give you a free CD or something.)
May the Love of Christ Embrace you and Compel you!
Peace be with you,
davidloti=davidloti
8.20
I accepted a job at First Presbyterian Church in Baton Rouge as an assistant youth director in May and began June 1. As a result I went on five trips (Jamaica, New Orleans, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Mississippi) in about six weeks. I was home for about maybe four days over that period. Wowzas! Good though. This new adventure has been especially helpful in getting through some of the turbulence—to continue in the same vein as the jetlag metaphor—I mentioned in the previous post.
As my professor said in a recent New Testament lecture, often beginner preachers try to include everything they know in one sermon and end up all over the place; I will likely do the same in this session of thoughts because it’s been a while since I’ve posted and I’ve learned and processed a lot of information this summer between traveling, studies, and starting a new job, but here it goes anyway.
With the new job I was invited to be a leader on a 40-person mission trip to Jamaica two weeks before leaving. It was good times with a splendid group, and the work we did in Jamaica was meaningful. We mostly worked on houses, mixing and pouring concrete and becoming friends with the Jamaicans. Apparently Jamaicans usually work on their houses over a period of decades—adding on when they have enough money saved to build another section—since borrowing money is at high interest rates. When Son Servants (who organized the service) sends groups it shaves about seven years off each site.
We also visited an infirmary in Jamaica, which is basically a publicly run(down) place for the unwanted—elderly and disabled mostly. It’s sorta like a nursing home in the States. We visited with residents; I brought my guitar and sang with them, which they seemingly enjoyed/tolerated. Many of the residents were difficult to comprehend, which was frustrating at times. But I sang Amazing Grace with one woman who was paralyzed, and I experienced a taste of Heavenly Joy in that event. It was a blessing for both of us.
There are lots of goats in Jamaica’s countryside I noticed too.
On Sunday morning we visited a church. We were supposed to go to some church which started at 10, and we ended up at a different church which also started at 10 on the same street with almost the same name. The bus driver dropped us off, and we went in—completely ignorant of the mistake. We showed up at 10:20 and then the service started. There were three empty rows up front. We all assumed from the evidence this was where we were scheduled to be. After the service we found out it was not our scheduled church. It was serendipitous. The service was a wonderful experience—full of passion and sincerity. It lasted over two hours.
The Jamaicans seemed grateful for our service while there. Average conditions in the area which we served were better than some parts of the world, but steps below most comforts we find in the U.S. Many Jamaicans pray fervently. As some people in my group pointed out prayer is all many Jamaicans have; they know it so they take prayer seriously, and they see its results.
Someone else pointed out what we experienced in Jamaica is the real world; America is a fairyland of exceptions in many ways. The real world is full of people in physical need. Many such needy persons are in touch with God because they understand physical neediness and dependence on God in their desperation. Although parts of America are desperately needy physically many Americans often have a lot of physical stuff to cover up spiritual desperation. The real world statistically speaking is much closer to the Jamaican way of life than the American model.
God really worked in the hearts of those whom we brought, and we helped the Jamaicans a lot too. We had some meaningful family times in the evenings. My group loved to sing, so that was a bonus—we played music almost every night. One evening we had a powerful prayer time in our group, which was probably the highlight of the trip for me.
I picked up a djembe hand drum at a market one day too; I've been wanting to get one for a few years, and the price was nearly decent...after some negotiating.
So those are some highlights of the Jamaican trip.
Next I served a week in New Orleans restoring a church that sat under about nine feet of water after Katrina. We brought hope by blessing that congregation with hours of hard, sweaty work—scraping, sanding, painting, cleaning, and mowing. One night we stayed up after 1 am spending hours washing all types of things (utensils, kitchen items, and various keepsakes) which had sat in the muddy water for a while. We brought hope! Praise the Lord!
I then went to three conferences over three consecutive weeks. One was in North Carolina; one was in South Carolina; one was in Mississippi. Between the Carolina trips some of the youth guys shaved the top of my head so I looked like an old man. It was awesome—probably my favorite haircut ever!
The week in Mississippi was a blast because I got to lead the skits and games from the stage. It was goofy fun. My friend Daniel Hawkes and I acted like cowboys traveling to New York City. We wrote a song together and acted silly! It was enjoyable. We also acted out the prodigal son parable with action figures, and that was a BLAST!
I like my new job greatly; even with some doubts in my own abilities (which may be a good thing since that leaves me in a position of dependence on God) and responsibilities (since I am also going to grad school, which also takes up a lot of time) I’m pleased to invest into youth and serve for this season (however long this season may be). The students are splendid, and the experiences have been wonderful so far—largely due to them.
And yet even so there is a deeper stirring within me telling me music is my true calling. Of course I know that statement could be a load of junk; I don’t know for certain what the future holds or if this reported deeper stirring is entirely imaginary. Many times I have my doubts that I seriously am much more terrible musically than I realize, and I am the guy who sucks and doesn’t know it—people only tell me nice things occasionally about my abilities to patronize me. And yet at other times music seems to be relentlessly pursuing my heart—it is one of my deepest connections to living—even if I’m not exceptional at playing and writing it.
I have my own picture of how music would ideally look (spending half the year playing shows and recording and half the year doing mission work—wherever that may be), and it may or may not look like that; it may or may not actually even happen. But for some reason I believe it will happen some day that I can share my music...I don’t even know how to complete that sentence: with more people?, as a living?, more often? I don’t know what I want to say.
The problem is I question my motives in regards to music and almost everything. Why am I discontent to play outside of church the amount I’m currently playing (once or twice a month usually) in front of the number of people I play (between five and fifty usually)? Why do I want to play more? Do I really just want people to like me and like what I make? If so then there are some problems because I’m wanting to gain my validation from people rather than God. But then maybe it’s a God-given want. Is that possible? But really, why do I want more, and what do I want more of exactly?
I can explain my want for more either way: it’s a God-given desire or it’s my selfish hope to look important through music—to be a celebrity of sorts. In doing so I’m reminded of a proverb God has put on my heart recently: “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2). I don’t want my ways to be only right in my eyes; I want my ways to be right in God’s Eyes.
So yeah. Really what is the heart behind my actions in a more general sense? Why do I want to play music? Why do I want to get married? Why do I want to do missions? Why do I want to study towards an MDiv? Why am I serving in youth ministry? Is it for God’s Glory or my own?
Well I think that adequately explores the presence of internal conflict because of personal assessment; I’ll leave that there for now.
…
Now for a blitz of thoughts:
In May I became an uncle. That’s amazingly rad.
One friend recently encouraged me to never stop writing music. That was nice to hear. God willing I will faithfully do so in this life even though I frequently get very discouraged.
I am no longer volunteering at the crisis line.
I recently enjoyed Amelie, The Simpsons Movie, 50 First Dates, and Hot Rod to varying degrees.
A Soup Named Stew is a blast; I love playing in that band. We started our second studio album November of 2006. I really hope we’ll be done November of this year.
It’s frustrating to work hard on something and have people not value it. (I’m just going to leave that there.)
Kiva.org is awesome and should be supported.
Five Iron Frenzy; thank you once again for what you created.
Adam Hebert—H—you are loved even if it doesn’t come from where you suspect.
Sea dragons are totally sweet; and let’s open that up to almost every ocean creature.
People’s names have a deeper significance than just getting their attention or distinguishing them from one another. My name means “beloved” or “friend.” I believe that’s what I am. I think people often live up to their names’ meanings whether or not they realize it.
Grad school is a challenge, but I’m learning a lot.
9/11 conspiracy theory is entertaining—saying nothing of its validity either way.
Prayer makes a difference we often don’t see.
Service is at the heart of Love.
With Mary sitting and listening (…sitting and listening…) at Jesus’ Feet, Jesus said “Only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Lk 10).
Jesus wants to be united with the prodigal son outside the father’s house as much as He wants to be united with the older brother inside the father’s house (Lk 15).
Boredom comes from ingratitude. (I heard this in a NT lecture.)
I’m still processing this one: you can be Biblical and right just as much as you can be Biblical and wrong (also from a Regent lecture.)
Unity is difficult to manage. On how much must we really agree within the Church? This actually is a central issue at First Pres in Baton Rouge in exploring the possibility of moving from our current denomination of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A) to the Evangelical Presbyterian Church.
In this light a friend of mine recently posted a blog which generated some thoughts on the subject of unity within the Body. He found the Wikipedia entry on liberal Christianity, which states liberal Christianity “has no unified set of propositional beliefs.” Without saying anything about liberal Christianity from an evaluative stance, I simply do not understand how the name liberal Christianity has any meaning if it truly “has no unified set of propositional beliefs.” What distinguishes a liberal Christian from a non-liberal Christian if there is not at least one unified belief among liberal Christians? Can a person who identifies him/herself as a liberal Christian and believes Jesus never even existed and was really just a good idea in people’s hearts be a liberal Christian just because s/he uses that label of liberal Christian? Just wondering and processing.
Hooray post-modernism: you’ve gone and waxed all the broken dishes that were left out after sunset in the advent of last Tuesday afternoon’s apocalypse immediately following my super secret portrayal of a tipped-over flamingo-covered cup full of pencils, paperclips, and 47 pens missing their caps because I always forget the difference between ADA-endorsed toothbrushes and the Himalayas with its autochthonous donkeys, goats, retired Salvadorean hockey players, and white, red, and yellow frozen rutabagas.
???
Exactly.
davidloti=davidloti
4.27
So in addition to being burned out, stressed, and busy it is due to this personal audit of revelation I’ve had a heightened reluctance to post over the past month because I don’t know what all to share in this public space—even though honestly it is probably only viewed by not me about once a month anyway. {sigh} Whereas I have exercised liberal censorship on my thoughts section in the past and frequently this page has contained things I knew might offend others (if they were ever read,) let’s just saying I’m starting to understand (or at least analyze) a practice many of you (of whom I’m quasi-jealous because of your residence in the realm of functionality) already employ, namely choosing to keep some things secret. It’s not that I don’t keep secrets—I don’t always give away all the information, and in fact when I’m asked to keep a secret I do so faithfully; I’m just processing maybe there are times in which it is wise to be less informative than I have been in the past. (But then again maybe not.)
So with the understanding that I will likely be more conservatively unrevealing with specifics in this post, here are my recent thoughts about what has happened in my life recently:
A few months ago I started a new band Stand Up Citizens with Monica Filgo, and I was extremely excited about SUC. Monica and I developed a unique, creative musical expression, which I think could be appropriately described as magical to some. She has a splendid voice and much creativity; we both sang catchy harmonized melodies and played simple poppy keyboard progressions while I simultaneously played drums. It was an amazing duet. Unfortunately due to [*cough*] personal circumstances (and here is where the thoughts will be cryptically and ambiguously censored), that band broke up, and we only played two shows before our demise. Even though it was communicated from its inception SUC could end at any time (and would likely do so at least by the end of the summer) I believe it reached its denouement prematurely; we did not have the chance to fully explore an established musical identity to my satisfaction. But hey that’s life: dealing with disappointment. So even though I trust good will result from this bend because Monica and I are both Believers, I was very disappointed and frustrated with this surprising development—which was exacerbated within in the context through which the band formed (which I explained in my January post.) I made an effort to understand and empathize, and it will have to suffice to say after giving the matter thought, prayer, and discussing it with those whose wisdom and opinions I value, based on the information I have received I have currently concluded on a moral level I disagree with the impetus for why this occurred. I’m disappointed, and I disagree, but I am thankful Monica and I are still friends. I am grateful we enjoyed the project while it lasted, and I will move on knowing God will not let the feelings, creativity, growth, or experience go to waste for Monica or myself. As we sang in one of our songs: “There’s always hope.” So yippee!
I completed my first course through Regent in Old Testament last month. I did much better on the final than the midterm, thankfully. I believe I made a B (or B-) in the class (although I still do not have my grade officially—they take up to two months to get grades back. Wow!) For that course I did a final project on the book of Job, and I was pleased with what I produced. It was a diagrammatic summary of the story; I presented the projected in the form of a café menu made out of construction paper. I loved the fact that I spent over ten hours working with construction paper for a grad school course project. The OT course stretched me in some good ways. I’m still processing some of the concepts and information I learned. I’m so thankful for this didactic journey. I am especially thankful for a better understanding of the OT’s importance in the narrative of man’s relationship with God. The NT has in my experience been presented if not explicitly at least practically superior to the OT, and I am now better understanding the symbiosis between the two collections. It seems the NT writers often wrote to people possessing a wealth of knowledge of Israel’s story (which we find in the OT), and today it is not the case in my experience that in general people (myself included) understand many of the allusions the NT authors made to the intended readers who probably understood the references. I believe the NT is similar to a sequel to the OT—except it doesn’t suffer from the “the sequel is never as good as the original” syndrome. Often (as in the case of the Bible) a sequel is enhanced through familiarity with the original work, and if the original work is well made it can also be enhanced through the sequel. Often the two works can stand independently, and together they form a more complete narrative. Such is my recent appreciation for the relationship between the OT and NT. Yeah, so I’m thankful for my journey in seminary. I’m now in my New Testament course (nearly halfway through), and I’m learning a lot there too. I really like my NT professor Rikk Watts especially.
Last month I also visited my dear friend Jonathan Robker in Germany. It was such a joy to spend eight days with him, and on top of the pleasure of being in Germany and seeing my friend the timing was wonderful. I was very burned out when I left: my work load had recently increased at LSU, the week before I was studying extra to finish up my OT course strongly (I took the final the night before I left), and I was going through some additional undesired disappointment and stress (see the first three paragraphs) when I left. While in Germany if I’m not mistaken I climbed to the (near) apex of the tallest church in the world. I also saw a {hmmmm…well-endowed} man walking around nude in a public park; (that was hilarious). I ate great food and met many of Jonathan’s friends and support network. One night at karaoke I sang INXS (an American singing an Australian band’s song in a German pub), and I had a blast. It was packed—probably 250 people—and my high energy interpretation was well received. The Germans said I brought karaoke to the fourth dimension, which I found extra funny since we already live in four dimensions. (Maybe it was a cultural misunderstanding on my part.) Anyway it was well received, and after my karaoke performance I was interviewed to be on a German television program. Fun. I saw some amazing art works while I was there too; that was awesome. One piece I saw took up an entire wall; it was probably 400 square feet of highly detailed painting; amazing work! Oh yeah, and sadly I discovered after over five years of exposure to German language studies my German is ashamedly pathetic. Actually I’m really quite good at grammar; listening and speaking are not my strengths though.
My one sincere regrets about that trip was that my mind was not completely there due to the stressful situation I left in Baton Rouge. As much as I would love to throw out specific thoughts regarding that, I will censor and summarize: I have a broken and disappointed heart. So as relaxing and enjoyable as the vacation was, I returned burned out to BR. I suffered from strange sleeping habits for at least the following three weeks. I woke up between 3:30 and 6:30 almost every day regardless of when I went to sleep. I was exhausted; it was a due to: jetlag, a very busy weekend as soon as I returned from Germany, and the ensuing turmoil resulting from the stressful situation for which jetlag became a deeper metaphor. Partially as a result I decided to take a break from volunteering at the crisis line for at least three months. I’m not certain if I’ll return; I figured it’d be better to take some time off and see how I’m doing in three months instead of quitting immediately though. They seemed supportive. Additionally I have a few friends out of town who are going through some hard times, and it’s difficult knowing that they’re suffering. And since my return from Europe some other friends lost their twins in their third trimester; that is mega-depressing. I know it’s hard on them; it’s been weighing on me too. Life is very painful sometimes, but somehow we find the strength to move on…I guess.
So over the past month with all of this craziness I have reflected on my relationship with God and how we are doing and what He was doing (I have no clue). I’ve had occasional thoughts that He’s forgotten about me, but these have not been serious or long lasting thankfully. I have the foundational sense that He is involved in my life; God is not in another part of the house thinking “what’s that burning smell? Oh crap! I forgot the cookies in the oven!!!!” God knows what He’s doing; I just don’t know what He’s doing. His works and interaction are always good—my case is no exception; I’m just in a period in which it’s difficult to handle His goodness (because I am so clueless.) As it’s been said, and I trust: God loves me enough to not leave me the way I am; so praise be to Him. However I would be thankful for your prayers if you are willing.
In other developments since my previous post this year I am in a better place regarding a relationship which until recently had a thornside view of me. Also A Soup Named Stew is getting closer to completing its second studio album (we’re around 70% finished now.) That’s exciting. Stand Up Citizens will probably end up with a semi-decent live recording of the second (and final) show, which was in March. (The first show audio recording didn’t come out, but we do have some decent video of that show.) And who knows; maybe something else will develop with SUC. Also over the past three months I also have had some fresh motivation for drawings; I posted a bunch in February and one in April. And there is an attainable potential for some exciting eventful developments coming soon in my life. So once again praise be to God, even if it doesn’t turn out as I envision it.
Here is a recent thought I’ve been considering: disappointment = unmet expectations. I’m still processing this one, but it sees to make sense so far.
Here is some of the music I’ve recently been enjoying: Counting Crows, Dashboard Confessional (don’t tell anyone), Element 101, Further Seems Forever, Furthermore, Jimmy Eat World, MuteMath, The Postal Service, Regina Spektor, and Weird Al. Also I recommend checking out pandora.com; it’s pretty rad.
So weighing in at slightly over a deuce mil words I’ll complete today’s entry with a prayer that still resonates so sincerely with me, offered for myself and you the reader: Lord have mercy. So be it. (You are loved my friend.)
davidloti=davidloti
1.16
I am busier than I have been in a long while; I think it’s school honestly. School = busyness in my experience. People who aren’t in school certainly can be busy too. However in my life the busiest times have been during (if not because of) school. I started back to school working on a masters degree in September. Even though I’m only taking six hours at the moment I am swamped. Fortunately it’s mostly a good busy overall, and I’m pleased with what all’s going on. However I wonder how long I will go on like this. Wowzas!
I did not do very well on my midterm in my Old Testament course last month. That was disappointing and yet promising somehow. It was a very hard test; more specifically it was difficult because I was under prepared. So my poor performance was disappointing. However I am excited that grad school will be challenging. I’m learning much good stuff, and I wouldn’t want it to be a hand out sort of thing just because it’s a graduate school for Christian studies. So I’m pleased with that. I do wish I had been better prepared for the exam though since my performance destroyed my hopes of getting an A in the course. However that’s good in the sense that I don’t have to worry about getting straight A’s through grad school. I definitely made an effort to be prepared for the exam—I studied more than the recommended amount and contacted the TA for strategies on how to prepare. The amount of studying I did was probably not enough though, and the TA never got back to me before the exam. Bummer. Oh well. There’s always Florida. I mean there’s always the final.
Five Iron Frenzy is my favorite band in the world; they have been for a few years now, and I will be okay if they keep that spot for the remainder of my life. FIF’s song Every New Day is one of the most important pieces of art in my life. When I listen to Five Iron Frenzy’s creations on a whole and Every New Day in particular I am encouraged in the importance of music and my role in that realm. Thank you FIF.
I am starting a new project called Stand Up Citizens with my friend Monica Filgo. We’ve practiced three times so far, and I’m quite excited about the project. We’ve already started writing over half a dozen songs. It’s great! Stand Up Citizens doesn’t replace A Soup Named Stew or David Loti (see three paragraphs above); those projects are still quite enjoyable and thriving. SUC (brilliant acronym, eh?) is simply another creative expressive outlet. The story of how we formed is interesting too I think.
Around November I got the idea of starting another band in the spirit of some of the bands I enjoy with female members and/or duets (Mates of State, Pep Squad, Star Ghost Dog, Element 101, They Might Be Giants, The Lazarus Heart, Furthermore.) I decided as much sense as it didn’t make starting a new project with a female while having such a crazy schedule I still wanted to consider doing it. I thought about potential bandmates and Monica Filgo was on the very top of this list. Monica and I have been friends/acquaintances for at least five years. Over the past few years we’ve seen each other occasionally—at Café Chi Alpha mostly. Monica is a very sweet woman; I enjoy hanging out with her. She has a gentle spirit; she’s a good listener and a joy to be around. She sings quite lovely too. Until SUC Monica and I didn’t really see each other regularly or communicate a bunch. When we happened to be in the same place we’d usually chat and catch up. Around the time I was thinking about Monica and this band idea (and I had told no one of this crazy idea) she happened to send me an e-mail around Thanksgiving + 1. I probably have received maybe five (generous guess) e-mails from Monica ever. So it was quite strange to have this message from her in my inbox. Furthermore it was simply an e-mail saying something about her passing through a town called Turkey, so she wanted to say hi. Strange. I looked at this as a positive urging to go ahead and send Monica an e-mail about the idea of SUC figuring I would be disappointed when she turned me down (always the optimist!) Well around this same time I was receiving visits from the e-mail monster who would consume (seemingly randomly) incoming and outgoing e-mails involving my Hotmail account—especially incoming messages from people in my address book (thanks Microsuck!) I think Monica originally e-mailed me Friday Nov 24. I sent her my message on a Sunday the 26th. The following Friday I still had not heard from her, and she had a show at Chi Alpha. I decided to go to the show, and we went up to each other and both said “did you get my e-mail?” It was confusing not knowing exactly what e-mail to which the other referred. It turned out the message I sent her she received; she replied on Wednesday, and the e-mail monster ate it on my end—I never received it. Fortunately on Friday she pulled open her sent messages folder and let me read her affirming response. She said she had been praying for a new direction musically and what I described seemed to be a God leading event based on what she had been praying. Solid. So Stand Up Citizens was formed. Our first practice was in December. It went nicely, and each practice since then has been great too. I have wonderful expectations for Stand Up Citizens. However since Monica and I each have plans of other things (mission work for her and grad school for me) we are uncertain how long this project will last. So even with my hopeful expectations of SUC things are flexible in that sense.
In other thoughts I should decrease my usage of the word “apropos”; I heard it on Car Talk a few months back, and it stuck with me...probably too much.
Oh yes, and finally! Dude! (I almost forgot!) You know what’s awesome? Ex-girlfriends. Word. They’re so much fun to be around!
The end.
davidloti=davidloti
11.21
I’ve been so busy because I’ve started a number of new things, and other changes have occurred. As a consequence other things—such as posting thoughts and writing songs—have not received the attention they otherwise hopefully would if I were not so busy.
So here we go.
After about eleven months as a server I am no longer working at Rotolo’s; I’ve started a new job at the National Center for Biomedical Research and Training at LSU. It’s an office job, which is frightful but I don’t mind it too much for a few reasons—one noteworthy reason is because of the interesting circumstances through which I gained this job I faithfully believe it was Divinely orchestrated. Basically the short of it is I felt compelled to pray for a job one Sunday even though I didn’t really want to. The following Friday a good friend Nic L.—for whom I have deep respect as a Brother—called me up and asked me if I was seeking a job. This prayer was the first thing that came to my mind. A few weeks later I was employed at NCBRT. I work at NCBRT about 20 hours a week making follow up phone calls to people who have taken training courses in terrorist response and deterrence. It’s decent work even though it is a cousin of telemarketing, but like I said I believe God laid the way for me to be here for a season. Also NCBRT is doing a good thing, and the training they provide seems to be pretty high quality. I’m still working at Christ Church and delivering flowers once a week. Those are both going just fine.
I’ve started volunteering as a counselor at the crisis phone line in Baton Rouge also. I went through training this summer, which was pretty good—I learned a good amount—and I’ve been serving twelve hours a month since August. Honestly I don’t know if this service is the right fit for me because although I did fine during the two months of training I don’t feel especially confident at performing the tasks I’m expected to perform as a crisis counselor. There is so much for which I feel unprepared, however I wanted to help people hurting in the community, and I’m planning to at least finish up my six- month commitment before I decide to stay or go for sure. Right now it’s pushing and stretching me though, which is a good thing.
Also I’ve started work towards a Master of Divinity through Regent College in Vancouver, B.C. Eventually my plan is to move to Vancouver to work on the degree fulltime. Currently I’m taking advantage of the correspondence study option. My first course is an Old Testament survey course. I’ve been enjoying it so far, and I’ve been keeping up with the reading pretty well too thankfully. I’m learning cool new words like aetiology, fiat, henotheism, hedonism, didactic, redaction, putative, eschatology, and nadir; this is exciting for me because I’ve never had a great vocabulary, and that’s beginning to change. It’s good to be stretched in this way too. In fact because in my graduate readings there are so many words I don’t know I make it a practice to visit webster.com when I encounter an unknown word so I’ll know what it actually means rather than just think I know what it means; I highly recommend it. More importantly though my understanding of the OT is expanding. During my first lecture I believe I was actually physically filled with the Holy Spirit; it was pretty amazing and encouraging. I’m excited about moving to pursue my studies fulltime eventually, but I’m not in a rush to do so since there are things I’m enjoying in Baton Rouge still—mostly A Soup Named Stew.
So between my new job, volunteering at the crisis line, and graduate school on top of a few new other small volunteer music positions I’ve filled at churches recently and the other things I already had going on I’ve been pretty swamped.
Musically there have been some significant steps taken in the past few months. John Tulley and I finished up my new solo EP Ambivalence in August, and Chris Keegan and I spent some time on the road playing music for a little over a week that same month. That time was fun and simultaneously discouraging; doing this music thing is hard. There are so many people out there doing it, and there are so many people out there more skilled than I. But putting that aside for the moment, I’m pleased with the CD Ambivalence. My idea in creating it was to mesh of the modern singer songwriter motif with the postmodern do-it-yourself computer programmer musician. I know I’m not the only one doing that; it was just where I was creatively when I approached the project, and as I’ve said I’m pretty pleased with it—I’d say 90% pleased (which is a high rating for me.) Tulley’s genius is all over it too, and I’m pleased we collaborated on it. I believe the record is a step in the long process of finding myself as a solo musician. As a friend of mine said it is a big step sonically from my recordings three years ago too. The title is significant for where I am now. I find myself uncertain of what to do—as usual—and toting mixed emotions as I hike along. Writing and performing the songs has been cathartic for me, and I hope listening to them will be cathartic and meaningful for others. I’m working on getting the CD reviewed in some publications. I got a positive review from Kelly Caulk in the LSU campus paper: “With thoughtful and compelling tracks, he opens up to his listeners and reveals himself on this album. His voice is unique and his lyrics are so specific; they become universal and relatable to anyone. Every song on the album has a point and tells a story through a crisp yet inviting sound that is evident in the track ‘Good Year.’” Even though I personally don’t completely understand how something can be so specific it becomes relatable to anyone, I am thankful for the positive review. I’ve been playing more solo shows with a backup band in the past three months, which has been exciting.
A Soup Named Stew has been making progress too. The band was recently played on the Dr. Demento show a few weeks back; that was awesome. We played at the Goodwood public library this summer, and it was super fun. That show was probably one of our best ones, and the recording is available for free download on our website. The library wants us to come back too. ASNS also started working on a new album. Andy Reed drove in two weekends ago and nailed ten drum tracks in less than eleven hours. Excellent. Oh yeah, I also managed to squeeze A Soup Named Stew into the Rob Zombie Wikipedia entry. I got the idea in viewing the cultural reference section of the ice resurfacer Wikipedia entry. I then added A Soup Named Stew to that page and about a dozen others, and for some reason the only one that was not redacted within a few days to omit my Soup Named Stew addition was the Rob Zombie page. Pretty sweet that we got to keep one though! It’s been up for a few weeks now, so it’s looking like it might stay!
Over the past few months I have encountered a few moderate inconveniences, most of which have been handled. Here’s what I mean. Two non-girlfriends non-broke up with me in the course of a week in August. What I mean is basically if I had been romantically involved with either one of these women then what occurred would have been a breakup. I was dating neither one, but one said that she was no longer interested in dating me if I would be interested in dating her. So whereas that theoretically changed nothing about our relationship it effectively was the death sentence for any potential romantics between us. Days later a second woman friend said she wanted some space from being friends for a while and she would contact me when that had changed. After two months everything’s pretty much gravy (or gravy enough) now in those relationships; at the time it was stressful though. I lost my credit card, but fortunately only $30 was fraudulently charged to it—that could have been much worse. I got a parking ticket at LSU, and thankfully I got that reversed with some effort. My truck was in the shop for a check engine light three times at three different shops in two weeks. That ended up being not free dollars to repair once they finally diagnosed the busted fuel sensor. My bank hit me with a bogus fee last month, which they admitted was bogus. This one fee in turn resulted in three more unwarranted fees (and one more is on the way.) All of these fees I’ve incurred so far have been reversed, but the most recent one was not without struggle. The bank tried to deny me the reversal the first time, and I had to speak to a manager to get it fixed. Such a crapwad hassle. My truck’s door was caught by the wind one afternoon and blew into my roommate’s car causing $1000 in damage with one dent—insurance will handle it though. My AmeriCorps tuition payment was putatively lost in the post and pushed back four weeks; it’s theoretically taken care of now though. However as a result I have late fees to deal with at the college. About three weeks ago I was awakened at about 4 am with a knock at my door. My neighbor came over to tell me my truck’s alarm was going off. I don’t have an alarm, but I did hear the horn, which is pretty loud. The horn was going off for about five or so minutes, and by the time I put on clothes to get out there it’d stopped. It is blowing fuses now, so there’s an electrical problem, which I need to get fixed for not free dollars once again I’m sure.
So David where are all the thoughts in this? Well I’m glad I asked.
One of the interesting things I’ve learned in my Old Testament course is the employment of chiasm in various parts of the Bible. Chiasm (which I would have to assume comes from the Greek chi, which equals “X”) is something that takes an “X” form. In general it may be something written in the form A B C C' B' A'. A more specific cursory example in the area of covenants in the Old and New Testaments would be that the covenants in the OT start by including a large group and eventually are narrowed down to one person and the covenant of the NT starts with one person and is expanded to include all people. OT: I will not destroy the whole world (Noah); I will make you into a great nation (Abraham); I will bless all nations through you (David); NT: Jesus alone provides reparation for sin which is initially primarily proclaimed among Jews and then all people.
It’s basically like an hour glass: starting wide, narrowing, and then widening again. Anyway because I am a newly self-appointed aficionado of the chiastic construct I thought I’d loosely utilize it although much less poetically.
Because I was going through so much minor crap recently I was starting to wonder if something was going on spiritually. I mean was God punishing me for something? Was I being attacked? Honestly it could also be both or neither—maybe it was just that life is full of junk some times or I was being more sensitive to it; I don’t know for sure. However I noticed that once I started NCBRT the bunch of undesirable events were happening. It was nothing major thankfully, but the accumulation has worn me down. Recently I started to wonder if I was in the wrong place and God was trying to tell me; I was connecting crap and NCBRT. However then I remembered I took this job because I thought it was God’s desire. So then along this line of thinking I was either incorrect and God was trying to tell me this or I was correct and perhaps I was being attacked for my obedience. Of course it may not have anything to do with NCBRT, because right around the same time I started The Phone and Regent. It may have also have had nothing to do with any of it; I don’t know for sure—these are just thoughts—but I’ve noticed an increase in minor undesirable circumstances since August.
Suffering is simply complex. [Normally I would change the preceding sentence because it makes no sense, however I elect to let it stay because: it is actually exactly what I want to say; it fits in with this paragraph’s theme of paradox; and as a superficial reason for keeping it, the sentence has alliterative appeal.] Through my OT class I have been encouraged to consider if God’s promises are conditional or irrevocable. I believe in medias res for the Isrealites in the OT at times the promises appeared to be conditional and revoked, however ultimately God is good for His Word and His promises are irrevocable. Temporally and paradoxically though, the promises may appear to be both conditional and irrevocable. However regardless of my lack of understanding of this I was thinking about the punitive consequences for disobedience to God among the Israelites. They were destroyed as a people for their apostasy; God’s response was thus justified—He did exactly what He said He would do if they acted as they did. However in contrast a person like Job walked rightly in the Lord’s Eyes, and He suffered the same if not worse treatment the Israelites received for their disloyalty, and God was justified in His allowance of this suffering. So yeah, simply, suffering is complex. I don’t see the whole picture, and even when I get to see a part it doesn’t completely make sense.
Even though we often grow from hardship rarely is it enjoyable. In my song “You Are the Only Thing That Matters At All” there’s a line: “Sometimes it hurts to grow and that’s why they call it growth.”, and that’s my point. Of course in the Bible Paul provides a good example of joyful suffering for the purpose of the Gospel. The thing though is knowing you’re suffering for a cause (and the greatest cause being the Gospel) is much easier than simply going through suffering without seeing its purpose. That’s where I am right now—having difficulty seeing the purpose behind all this nonsense, and also realizing that these things about which I complain are so minor compared to the thousands of people who will die today from medical and nutritional negligence on my part while I consume a limited fossil fuel driving my truck to work behind a computer and go home to sleep in a bed. Out of sight; out of mind I guess—well maybe not entirely. (God help me.) Ultimately I do not know what the reason for my suffering is, and thankfully the things I’ve endured recently have all been relatively minor. Really though it helps to think through things, and I trust in God’s sovereignty; God can use any suffering for something meaningful in His plan.
My thoughts on suffering also help me better understand a radio broadcast my brother-in-law recently sent to me from KERA in Dallas. The topic of discussion was happiness and what characteristics are present in people who are happy. One of the statements that struck me was that ironically (or obviously—depending on how wise or experienced you are) hedonism generally does not result in happiness; instead, giving of one’s self to a greater cause than self is a characteristic likely to be present in people who are happy. (He who would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.) Generally the pursuit of self-pleasure leaves us full of ourselves, which oddly enough leaves us very empty.
So this consideration of the significance of selflessness germanely brings me to the music side of the X…in a lengthy sort of way. I’ll start with A Soup Named Stew and then share some thoughts on my solo efforts. In my opinion A Soup Named Stew is the most likely project to be able to play music full time out of any musical project I have ever done. We have fun; the audience generally has fun; we have had decent support and acceptance. ASNS has done some cool things for which I am very thankful. Unfortunately I am the only member with the interest and in a pragmatic position to tour currently, so it’s not the right timing…at least not for now. I don’t want to change any members really either, so we just play once or twice a month and sell a few CD’s and shirts here and there. It’s frustrating to know ASNS is not living up to its potential though; I honestly believe we could be successfully touring and paying our personal bills within a few years if things were different. I am sad about this shortcoming, but I am learning to accept this reality—maybe it’s for the best.
As far as my solo project ambivalence sums it up nicely, but I will explicate. The tour was fun and also discouraging. It was good to hang out with Chris; it was good seeing friends and family; it was good playing music a few times for people who actually cared. It was financially not a success, and driving hours to play for ten or fewer indifferent people is hard to do multiple nights in a row. Although I’m not completely burned out on music I am in a low spot right now.
I feel conflicted about the idea of playing music in some ways. Playing music in itself is a joy for me in general—there are certainly periods fraught with frustration—and in reality so much of playing music professionally today is about self-promotion, selling merchandise, and marketing the band name and image; this seems antithetical to selflessness and serving a higher purpose to me which are ideals I would like to embrace in my life. I don’t really need another T-shirt or CD, and I don’t think most people do—it’s what we want. Meanwhile while I’m buying what I want people are being denied what they need elsewhere in the world—even in my own city for that matter. Of course even Jesus did not heal everyone when He walked the earth (you’ll always have the poor, He said), but I don’t know if I’m contributing to a problem in considering trying to make a living based on this type of consumerism. Granted I may not be able to solve the problem of neglect in the world entirely, but I certainly should not exacerbate things.
Perhaps I’m too unrealistically idealistic (quixotic I think is the word), but whatever labels come my way I am most interested in pleasing God before pleasing people. I some times have a hard time picturing how Jesus would respond to various parts of culture and my own life, and playing music fulltime is one of those things. How much effort does Jesus want me to put into playing music professionally? Should I take a passive approach and let it happen if it happens or should I put my energy into it knowing that God has gifted me? If I were playing music professionally and enjoying it would Jesus say to me: “Give that up and follow after Me; we’ll go heal the sick, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, befriend the neglected, and attend to the poor”; or “I’m glad you’re enjoying using the talents I’ve given you; keep bringing Me Glory by doing what you’re created to do”; or maybe something else? Bottom line is I want my life to fulfill its greater purpose whether or not the gift of music plays a part—of course it wouldn’t make much sense for God to give me a gift purposelessly.
I have been thinking lately about my motivation for playing music. Writing and playing music is a blessing for me as a creative, emotive outlet, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve been on stage that I’ve had a blast—I guess I would say I was doing what I was created to do in a sense. However more than having fun my motivation in playing music really is relate to people, and for God to use that in some way. I wonder if my music really is making an eternal difference? Ideally I would enjoy using my talent of writing and playing regardless of its reception. However unfortunately I am not at this point right now; I still desire some tangible validation from others even though ideally I would not care for human approval at all. In some ways I am pretty discouraged and frustrated.
One reason for this dejection is I have such a small fan base. Granted I do not push people to come to my shows, and I keep ASNS and David Loti promotion separate so people don’t think I’m trying to use ASNS to promote myself. I occasionally send out e-mails and pass out flyers for my solo efforts, but I aim not to bombard or overwhelm people with publicity to the point of it being awkward. I tell people that the e-mail list is there, and usually they don’t sign up. What should I do? Get over it I guess. Suck it up. Keep going, perhaps? I also am hurt that certain people have not bought my latest CD. It’s really not sadness because my wallet is not getting thicker—although that would be a nice bonus. My disappointment is visceral—knowing certain friends know I have a new solo CD and have not made the effort to support what I’m doing by purchasing it—this is what hurts deeply. If we were strangers I would better understand, but when I see certain people regularly and they know I have a CD and do not buy it, to me this is insulting—as if what I have labored to produce is not worth their precious $5 or their time. It’s exacerbated when I play a show for free and friends still don’t buy anything.
I suppose because of this discouragement I view my music as just being there: it’s not great, and it’s not terrible. Frequently I like to draw mental analogies between otherwise unrelated talents. For example I think about a great photographer’s work, and I wonder how that artist’s talent would manifest itself if s/he were a painter, cook, physicist, or something else instead. What I mean is not how a painter would use his/her painting talent as a cook for example, but rather how would that person’s painting talent be manifested into another realm of creativity independent of painting—how would a person’s personality be reflected in a different area than the one for which s/he is popularly known? If Mozart had been a great inventor instead of composer how might that have looked historically or for him personally? Some times when I imagine myself as a painter or drawer I think my skills are about average, and honestly that’s probably true about my musical abilities too. I understand I am probably about average or maybe slightly above (hopefully) in my musical abilities, but I don’t think that’s what’s getting me down really. Similar to what I explained above about the cross-talent analogies I some times reflect on my skills as a photographer when I took the intro photo class in college. At class critiques there were some photographs that were better than mine—what I mean by better is they were more engaging as pieces to the majority of the class—unfortunately majority does shade our perception of quality—and/or they were technically more proficiently produced. There were also some pieces worse than my pieces. However when it came time for me to explain the things I did in my work—what I was thinking in the process—I was adept at doing so; I enjoyed presenting my work and explaining the details others would probably not know just by looking at the photo. So whereas my work may have been average or above average to a passer-by, I excelled at selling it in a sense, and that was to my benefit. I think this provides a useful analogy for my music: I am not the most skilled musician, however I am skilled at selling to the audience what I’ve produced—usually this takes the form of stage presence. Of course my pal Andy V. says I’m selling myself short some of the time in how I view myself, and this is (hopefully) possibly true too. I just am having a hard time right now; I’m really beaten down mostly by what I perceive as inadequate support more than inadequate ability. I really can entertain people, but there have got to be people there for me to entertain.
So maybe since I am so affected by my perceived deficiency in support I should quit or take a break; this has been suggested. I don’t know though. In general I do enjoy playing and writing music; I think I just need to keep pressing on and get through this unless I believe God is telling me differently. Thankfully there have been plenty of good solo shows I’ve had the fortune to play, and I know every show cannot be awesome. That’s fine. It just seems lately I’ve had a bunch of losses—rough shows—and this is tearing me down. I’ve also been thinking about how I have rarely been invited to be in bands, and this has gotten to me too—I feel undesirable. I think about these artists who never experienced fame during their lifetimes and now are considered masters of their craft. That’s rough. You would think though with billions of people on the planet there would have to be a handful of people who’d appreciate just about anything anyone could produce; I guess the trick is finding them and bringing them what you’ve got to offer. But I wonder if I would remain motivated to play music if there were no appreciation for what I was making? Probably so because it seems to be an inescapable desire of mine, but possibly not.
As much as I’ve complained fortunately and thankfully I’m not at the point where there’s no appreciation; although my support is smaller than I’d like it’s greater than zero (or negative one.) I’ve had just enough support to keep me from quitting I suppose. In one hand it’s tortuous, and perhaps more so it’s Divine—if not content at least I’m humbled. Since I’ve created my album it has been well received by some people. People have shared with me encouraging words about what Tulley and I have created. The lyrics have been meaningful to a few people, and I’m grateful for that. Also thanks to Zeke Brewer who brought out a bunch of people last weekend I had a good solo show, and that really helped boost the spirits; I needed a win. So there’s been just enough support to keep me from completely giving up, and clearly not enough to give me an even greater inflated sense of myself.
So that’s pretty much where I am musically (and in so many areas of my life): ambivalent—struggling between selflessness and serving my own desires and yet hopeful through God’s uncompromising goodness.
Transitioning to my final section of thoughts, I would like to share about something that ties everything mentioned together in some fashion and has been on my mind increasingly recently. Affirmatively I’ve been busy, burned out, and at times lonely in the past three months, and perhaps because of this I’ve been thinking about the virtuous condition of contentment. I have wanted more support, more opportunities to play, more success, more…and I have been shamefully ungrateful for what I have already. I believe contentment is closely related to gratitude; there is a direct relationship between the two: as I’m content I’m grateful; as I’m discontent I’m ungrateful. I believe I have been ungrateful for blessings at times, and this has possibly skewed my perception to be more susceptible to discouragement and discontentment.
In a discussion this month Andy V. mentioned to me the struggle of finding validity. Where do we find our value?, he posed. Can we really find lasting value in relationships, family, occupation, success, money, or image? I believe when we attempt to find value in anything of this world it can eventually leave us feeling discontent and victimized by injustice. Humanity in itself is a failure; humans gain value through Christ. It sounds simple, and yet I desire to understand this Truth more: as I gain my value from Christ I become content. If I’m discontent it’s ultimately because I don’t trust God is who He has revealed Himself to be and as a consequence I do not believe I am the valuable child God has said I am.
These are my goals: selflessness, gratitude, contentment, Christly servitude, and an attitude endorsing Paul’s motto “Why not rather be wronged?”; they only come from an eternal perspective of value. I should be content because God has things covered. He’s in control; He has Divine understanding; He uniquely gives my life value; my needs are met and so much more. I should be grateful. (Isn’t it apropos that God is teaching me this the week of Thanksgiving?) I would like to do a better job of living this way. I think the only response I have to all this is the encapsulating prayer: God help me.
davidloti=davidloti
7.24
Perhaps an update is a good place to start as there are many thoughts in conjunction with what’s going on with me right now; so here’s what’s been going on with me as of late and some of what I think about it. For the past month or so I have been working three jobs—each one day a week. I deliver flowers on Saturdays for Four Seasons Florist; I play music at Christ Church on Sundays; I serve calzones at Rotolo’s on Coursey on Wednesdays. I’ve been delivering flowers for over a year, I’ve been working at Christ Church for just about a year (I started working there under the impression that the job would be temporary and six months at the longest), and I’ve worked at Rotolo’s about ten months. Before I dropped to one day a week at Rotolo’s I was working at least four days a week there making an average of $8 an hour I’d guess. I reached a point where I wanted to quit; my attitude really sucked, and I didn’t like being at work there. I told my boss that I needed to take at least a week off because of personal issues, and he told my co-workers and the customers I had quit. Typical. I did not tell him I had quit; he just assumed I had and told people so. I came back about a week later and told him I would be willing to work on Wednesdays—the busiest day at Rotolo’s although not necessarily the best day for tips.
I’ve noticed most of the waitstaff at Rotolo’s do not like working there after about two months. I do not know if that’s the case at most restaurants, but that’s been my observation at Rotolo’s. Many of my co-workers who have served elsewhere have told me Rotolo’s is unlike the other places they’ve served (in a pejorative way). I have no experience for comparison, but after ten months I can guess how serving at Rotolo’s might be negatively different from other serving jobs. Rotolo’s has great food, and I think the owners are both pretty nice people. In my assessment they are still learning the ways of managing; management does not appear to be their strongest skill set, and they seem unwilling to relinquish the responsibility to someone who has honed the craft. Therefore things are handled quite unprofessionally there at times. While this can be conducive to a laid back atmosphere it can also be frustrating: schedules get changed without notice; tips are not reported by the waitstaff to the owners; lies are told to employees and customers; employees are mocked behind their backs; yelling occurs between the owners; violations which would result in termination of employment at other restaurants (such as showing up 45 minutes late for a shift without any notice multiple times during a week or on the busiest day of the week) are often handled without reprimand—at least as far as I can tell.
The owners complain they have a terrible revolving door turnover rate, but I do not see much effort on their parts to retain quality employees. There are some good workers there, and it seems to me basically everyone gets the same treatment regardless of whether they do a good job or not. In some ways this is a good practice of tolerance and grace, but for a model employee it can be discouraging and for a less-than-ideal employee there is little motivation for positive growth. I am a diligent worker; I’m a good server; I would like to know I could look forward to advancement in responsibilities and pay at any job, but this does not appear to be the case at Rotolo’s. After ten months I’m the senior member of waitstaff, and there are no prospects of any advancement. Like I said I like the owners well enough. One of my friends warned me “they’re kinda crazy” before I started working there, and now I understand what this friend meant. As far as I can tell the two greatest devotions of the owners are Rotolo’s and money—I would personally find this to be really depressing and empty for myself. On a peripheral note, because I believe it is important to invest in employees on a personal level, the owners have never made it out to any of my shows since I’ve worked there (and there have been dozens of opportunities), but they act interested in showing up—they just have never come. Also one of my bosses doesn’t correctly pronounce my last name even after I’ve said it for her correctly numerous times. So yeah, they’re not perfect, but really who is? Not I.
So Rotolo’s is slightly frustrating, and that’s why after so many months I decided to cut my hours down to one day a week. There are some nice things about working there. The hourly wage is decent—higher than most restaurants—even if the tips are not the best; I can ride my bike to work; the food is good; the customers are generally pretty swell. I didn’t start working at Rotolo’s as a career move. I wanted to have a shot at waiting since I’d never done it before and people told me they thought I’d be a good waiter; I also desired a work schedule that would allow me to play music on weekends and late nights. Part of the reason I’ve stuck around Rotolo’s is to be an example of Christ there too; arguably some times I do a better job than other times. So it’s not all bad, but I reached a point that I greatly desired a break.
I wanted to make less money rather than increasingly struggling with discontentment. When I was working more hours at Rotolo’s I was making just enough money to pay all my bills and save a little each month—except for the months where there were large unexpected expenses like around April and May when taxes were due. [Side note: I kept track of all my tips while working at Rotolo’s. When I went to report them on my taxes I was supposed to be penalized because I had not reported these to my employer. When I asked my bosses why they hadn’t asked their waitstaff to report their tips they acted like it’s not the law for waitstaff to report tips to them! As I discovered a little late this is completely illegal! Now I report my tips to them.] Since I’ve cut down my hours at Rotolo’s I am barely making less than what I spend—without major unexpected expenses; this summer I am spending about $300 per month more than I’m making. Thankfully I’m pretty content currently; I’m grateful for what I’ve got—I’ve got a good life, and I hope to use my blessings to bless others. Eventually I plan to look for another job though…probably. Job searching is a whole other issue though.
There are plenty of jobs I’m sure I could do, but I don’t know if I really just want to do any job right now. If my livelihood absolutely depended on finding a job I would work just about any job; right now I’m spending moderately conservatively (relatively speaking) and filling in the holes of my expenses with savings. I’m not specifically searching for a job, but I may start searching in the fall. My friend Chris Keegan and I are planning a small tour next month, and I don’t want to start a new job and then take two weeks off right away. Also I am starting seminary in the fall at Regent College in Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada. I plan to begin my studies toward a Master of Divinity through correspondence—staying around Baton Rouge another year or so keeping A Soup Named Stew going. In April I took an aptitude test which indicated that my subjective personality would be an appropriate fit for grad school. This revelation along with my personal frustration of being seemingly aimless for the past few months and the fact that I have been talking about going to seminary for the past few years helped push me to apply. Regent is the only seminary to which I applied. I didn’t do a ton of research or any touring of seminaries because so often the theoretical pictures in life don’t match the experience of being at the place and seeing how it actual is anyway. That’s my philosophy regarding much of life—jobs, relationships, schools, methodologies: don’t unwisely walk blindly into situations, but don’t presume that your picture of what the experience will be like will be completely accurate either. Sometimes my mental projection is close to reality, but most times it’s significantly different; life is rarely how we expect it to be—even the most seemingly predictable events. Fortunately in the past I have been able to adapt decently to changing environments, so that helps too. As far as I could tell Regent seems like it’ll be a good fit although I’m sure there’ll be some surprises; I’ve been challenged by some of the professors’ works there, it was recommended by some friends as well, and the faculty have been kind and helpful in our correspondence so far—unlike LSU (with exception of the math department). However I ultimately took a step of faith—I don’t know exactly what it’ll be like; I’ll have to find out. I’m excited about starting in September though. The fact that I can begin my studies in Baton Rouge and keep A Soup Named Stew rolling is a super bonus too.
So this is the background that colors my current quasi-lack of motivation on searching for a job: I’m not spending way more than I’m making right now, there’s a small tour planned for August, grad school starts in September, and I don’t want just any job. So then what kind of job would I like? This is a good question. There’s a bunch of things I could do, but just like any boob I’d like to find satisfaction in my work. Jesus and music are my two greatest passions…well those two and just like almost anyone else narcissism as well I guess.
I could work in a church doing music or youth or young adult ministry, but frequently the Church disappoints me—although I’m not ruling it out absolutely—if something that seems like the right fit comes along I will consider it. Sometimes working at a church can be worse than working for non-Believers though. I’ve worked in about five churches doing music and youth ministry over the past seven years or so. Some of these have been short-term endeavors; one of those churches I worked part time on and off about five years. In my assessment based from experiences of myself and others churches frequently like to change job descriptions and expectations in medius res—sometimes without additional compensation or clear communication. I’ve worked at maybe one or two churches that were great, creative, productive, growing experiences for myself. The rest have been mostly moderate, and I’ve viewed them as experiences to serve others who I normally wouldn’t have the chance to serve. The difficulty about serving people different from you is that the servant is expected to change for the sake of those being served; I’m not always great at this or willing to do it. Of course this is often when the most growth occurs because it is so challenging. The church I’m working at currently is a pretty good body of Believers although it is all white people which bugs me—they have a desire to be devoted followers of Christ which is the most important thing though. The church is farther than I’d like from my house—at least it’s less than 15 miles—not too bad at least; it also meets at 10 in the morning on Sundays—not fun for someone who occasionally gets home around 3 am on Saturday nights due to playing music. Yes staying out that late is a choice; I just don’t get too excited about a body of Believers that chooses to meet when I would like to be sleeping. (Fortunately though life’s not all about me—or really about me at all actually.) Also as I mentioned I started working there under the impression it would be temporary while the church searched for a less temporary replacement. It was communicated to me I would be there six months max. That was a year ago. Mentally I have not made the shift from just being the fill-in guy though; I can’t exactly say why this is the case other than it has not felt like home to me. Fortunately the former pastor who hired me and who left quite suddenly this month after accepting a job out of state is a man after God’s Heart in my assessment, and it was a pleasure being under his leadership. He did not give fluffy, wimpy, only-feel-good messages; his sermons were deep and convicting—even when I was struggling to say awake some mornings after getting only four hours of sleep. I would say positive things about the congregation too based on my small interaction with them—honestly I haven’t spent a ton of time with members of the small congregation to really know. As I’ve mentioned though I believe many at this church have a desire to be devoted followers of Christ in the fullness of their lives, which is what it’s about: surrender and yielding to God’s Will. This church seems more like a job than home for me though. I do get to work with my friends though, and the pay is relatively generous—I am quite grateful for that. Of course payment has rarely come on time; I have had to ask for almost every paycheck, and I feel awkward having to ask almost every month. I think it’s a poor example for the Church to operate this way. In contrast the church I worked at previous to this church was pretty good—although there were some late paychecks there too. I played with great musicians on Sunday evenings, and I had lots of freedom in the music choice. It wasn’t perfect, but what is on this side of eternity? I would rank it as my best church job to date—one of my best jobs in general. Unfortunately the leadership in that church did not understand the gathering I took part in and they cancelled it; trash. So those are some of the dynamics of working in churches from my experience. I would not rule out working in another church, but it would have to be a good fit—or a calling I suppose. Before I went to the church I’m serving now I had told myself I would not be interesting in working in another church for a while; I started working at this church because I figured I could fill in for a max of six months and help them out and benefit from some extra money. Six months past the communicated six-month limit I’m writing this…sigh. I don’t know why I’m complaining exactly about the six month detail. I am making decent money, and it really is a decent environment. I suppose it’s that part of me believes it’s not the right fit—whatever that means.
So another job at the top of my list is traveling and playing music. Let me qualify that a bit though—I don’t really want to be in a traveling cover band necessarily. I don’t mind playing some covers, and I understand their value in connecting with an audience, but I am a songwriter. I love listening to and occasionally playing others’ music, but I have been writing songs since age 16 that I would like to share—some are goofy, and some are serious; some are average, and some are pretty decent tunes. I’m not the best writer, singer, or guitarist in the world, but I’m certainly not the worst. I am blessed to have stage presence (most of the time.) I view stage presence as a distinguishing key between a live performer who can build rapport with the audience and one who cannot, and I do have that gift—and most of the time I use it. I’m a single guy in my mid-20’s; I am not tied down so I cannot hit the road and play. If playing my own music is going to happen at a level in which I could make a living doing it, it’s probably not going to happen with me just playing in Baton Rouge though. This town does not seem terribly interested in my solo efforts, and there is not much of a music industry here. So traveling or relocating is part of the picture if this is to happen, which I don’t mind. I would like to explore the option of a bio-diesel fueled automobile if I am going to be on the road so much though—mostly for environmental reasons.
There are two facets of this traveling musician potential in my life right now. One is my band A Soup Named Stew. ASNS is so much fun! I love playing with this band. The lyrics don’t have much depth (although there is a little bit)—it’s just silly, feel good music—sorta like They Might Be Giants. The shows are crazy, high energy, comedy experiences; people usually have a good time. We have built a decent fan base in Baton Rouge, and ASNS brings out my craziest side on the stage; it’s a blast! I really enjoy this band, I’m so thankful for it. If there is any musical effort in which I have been involved in my life with the greatest potential to make it as a band, I believe ASNS is it. Irony of ironies is that I am the only one in the band with this desire and ability to take it to this level right now—so the band that I believe actually could make it is not composed of members with the desire or ability to do so—and I don’t want to change the lineup. When I first realized ASNS could potentially succeed I started working to get us on the road this summer, and I met resistance from within the band. For a while I thought I would try to convince the others to change, but now I’m content with our different perspectives on ASNS’s stature. The other guys want ASNS to be a hobby, and I’m partially disappointed, but mostly I’ve accepted this with contentment now. It may change in the future, but right now I’m not banking on that possibility. This leads me to my second potential for becoming a traveling musician which is doing solo efforts—either with a band or without. Without a band would be easier logistically and financially, but the few times I’ve played with a band it has enhanced the live show I believe. My solo efforts are not as well received as ASNS; I believe it’s less distinguished than ASNS. ASNS is similar to fewer bands than my solo stuff I believe—there are tons of solo songwriters out there; there are fewer Weird Al’s out there—otherwise he wouldn’t be Weird Al, he’d be Regular Al. The solo songs are generally more serious—although there are a few goofy ones in there too. The stage presence is not as in your face with the solo efforts either. The solo material is more contemplative. I enjoy playing solo; it’s just a different introspective vibe, and there are plenty of such efforts out there.
The real problem as I see it with reaching a point where I can play music for a living is ultimately that I do not have a clear plan—partially because there are so many options and uncertainties and partially because I don’t know where to start formulating a plan. I think some of the obstacles specifically are the following. A big part of playing music is promotion. Without a label or booker or someone to help with promotion it’s all self-promotion. I don’t mind putting in hard work, but I feel haughty about the idea of working hard to promote myself, and I am not okay with that. I recently got an e-mail that this (Christian) guy had signed me up for his e-mail list without my permission, and this kinda offended me—maybe it shouldn’t have. I didn’t unsubscribe; instead I responded probably in not the best way. I signed him up for ASNS’s and David Loti’s e-mail lists. Within five minutes he had unsubscribed for both. This really pissed me off that he would sign me up for his without my permission and then not stay signed up for mine in response. I then unsubscribed from his and wrote him a letter saying “May God bless your efforts.” A non-Christian doing this would not have surprised me; I was disappointed that a Christian had done this though. I used to not think adding people to an e-mail list without their permission was a big deal; now I’m much more respective of people’s e-mail addresses though. As a Christian I don’t want to spend my days focused on myself and convincing others I’m better than someone else so they should listen to me or come to my show; as a Christian I want to promote Jesus—not David Loti. Jesus’ style was to not promote Himself—He would heal people and say “Tell no one”, and that’s the method I would like to follow. Perhaps some would criticize I’m being too rigid in my thought process; I don’t know if that’s the case though. Certainly some musicians who are Christians do self-promotion without internal conflict, and certainly some people in the music industry will say without self-promotion I can’t make it as a solo artist—the nature of the business is self-promotion. I believe those people trust in a methodology and a small god. So once again it’s not that I’m unwilling to work hard; I just don’t want to spend my time promoting myself as if I’m some sort of answer or Godsend. I believe if God wants to use my music in such a way that I can spend time on the road playing for others He will provide a way for it to happen so I don’t have to be focused on myself. Another problem is booking. Booking is a nightmare (for me at least). It is very frustrating dealing with people who haven’t heard of you and don’t care about you. Many bookers won’t return messages. Many will lie to you. Some bookers are flooded with e-mails and calls and don’t have the time to actually do a good job booking. There is lots of competition out there, and maybe competition is not the right word; there are plenty of alternatives though. Bookers can easily find numerous other acts to replace you or to book instead of you. There are tons of bands doing more promotion, and promotion is not my game. There’s also the issue of producing a decent recording. I am making some positive steps in this direction; my friend John Tulley and I are working on six songs. I’m pretty pleased with them so far. We’ve got three close to done and three more to finish up. John is a dear friend of many years and a creative genius—almost everything I’ve ever seen him make (paintings, drawings, lyrics, songs, graphic design, mixing, and producing) is outstanding. It’s a pleasure to work with John, and it’s also very slow because he’s a busy guy. We’ve been working on these recordings since April, and I hope we’ll have them done by mid-August when Chris and I hit the road.
I believe the crux of the problem in reaching the point where I can share my music with others and make a living wage is resolved through establishing a relationship with a record label, which is almost like winning the lottery it seems. I don’t even really know how this occurs, although I would guess frequently it requires lots of work in advance. However I believe Relient K got signed just by knowing someone in Gotee Records—clearly that was a good choice for that label’s livelihood. I don’t have any great contacts with any labels though. It’s not that it’s impossible to succeed without a label; I’d imagine it’s difficult though. Of course even having a label doesn’t guarantee success. I don’t even know how I would be able to establish a relationship with a label. My favorite label is Tooth and Nail; my dream would be to have a relationship with them. Of course there are thousands of others who have the same dream.
In all honesty I don’t really care greatly about being on the charts; I just would like to be able to play for people and connect with them through my art—isn’t that what any artist wants? I know some people will not connect with my music, but I know some people will. I am aware some of my songs are average, and I know some of my songs have the potential to be singles. Like I’ve said I don’t exactly know where to start; if I had the backing of a label that might help. There’s a lot of people out there vying for label attention, and part of me says “Why me?” I mean why am I so special that a label really wants me above all the others. I think there’s a lot of chance involved (and stuff going on behind the scenes that I can’t see)—there’s certainly no guarantee all the hard work in the world will ever pay off (and that’s why it’s sort of like a lottery, and of course the “it’s not what you know, but who you know” axiom plays a part too.) However part of me realizes that I’m actually gifted: I can write songs; I can sing decently; I can entertain and capture an audience; I’m blessed with a good work ethic. So in response to the “why me?” question I ask myself realistically one question which has kept me motivated recently: “why not me?”
So yeah other than working in a rocktastic church setting or playing music (which would be my first choice right now I believe) I can’t say there are any jobs jumping out at me that I really would like to try. This summer I’ve been training to volunteer at a crisis phone line in Baton Rouge, and it’s possible that could generate some funds in the future, but not enough to live on probably. Really there are plenty of jobs I could do to make money, but that’s mostly what they would be to me—just jobs—kinda like Rotolo’s and flower delivery are to me—although I pretty much enjoy the flower delivery at least—it’s not my passion though.
I’m starting seminary in the fall through correspondence, so I may not work a bunch anyway in order to focus on studies—I’m still undecided on how much I’ll work and how many hours of courses I’ll take. I’m excited about seminary although I don’t know exactly what to expect. I’m looking forward to learning more about the history of the Scriptures and the Church and being able to have more academic answers to good questions regarding Christianity. Of course in theology or any belief system regarding God faith is involved—we ultimately are entrusting a belief to something we cannot prove (this is also the case in every non-theoretical belief system I would argue.) Although faith is involved I believe it’s important to see that a faith system should not be built on nescience or negligence in regard to the world around us and its imposing questions and criticisms. I am attracted to Christ; I love Jesus, and I believe Christ stands up to the questions that are raised against Him and Christianity. Not all questions can be answered, but I have not come across a question that has been able to overturn my faith in Jesus Christ. It seems some people think that just because they can ask a difficult question that may or may not be able to be answered that they have debunked the item in question; I do not agree with this however. I am excited about having an increased academic backing for my faith. I do not believe academics are necessary for a relationship with Jesus, but I am concerned when Christians check their brains at the door and ignore important questions they have the mental capacity to consider. God has blessed me with the ability to handle seminarian studies, and I would like to honor Him to His glory through doing so. When Christians in a sense turn off portions of their brains it causes problems within the Church and outside of It through non-Believers’ perception of the faith.
Although the Church has some problems it’s not too surprising since It is made of people who I would argue are inherently selfish and have an inherent desire to not be in a world of selfish people. Simultaneously these people are being transformed to reach this inherent desire, but there is conflict in the process. For everything the Church lacks right now Jesus makes up though. This is why even when I can be disappointed with the members of the Church I am not disappointed with Jesus. I don’t pay much attention to denominations or methodologies—I realize they’re flawed and yet simultaneously helpful; this is why being a follower of Christ is the most important thing in my life—certainly more important than identifying myself with a specific subgroup of Christianity which is already a subgroup of culture. I believe the response of some Ethiopians as I heard it from a missionary who was sharing the Truth of the Good News of Jesus Christ with these people sums it up nicely: this is what we have always hoped God was like. We are designed to connect with God through everything God is; everything that’s not God cannot replace God in satisfying this design. Being a Christian is not easy, but it is fulfilling.
I believe Jesus Christ is the Truth we are all seeking, and I know in saying and thinking this I fall under the judgment of others. This judgment does not concern me however; I believe this judgment—usually which comes in the form of the word intolerance (as in people who claim Jesus’ words “I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6) are exercising intolerance of others’ beliefs if they believe these words are actually true to the exclusion of others’ teachings)—really stems from a misunderstanding of who Jesus is. Fair enough. There are lots of ideas who Jesus is/was: a wise and moral teacher, a non-existent myth, a prophet, the Son of God and prophesied Messiah who lived without sin and was raised from the grave—to name some of the most popular views. [Side note: Recently I came upon a new view of Jesus: Jesus is the archangel Michael and not God. I found this interesting because I was wondering hypothetically if this were true if Jesus out-loved God, because this would seem to be impossible if Jesus were not God. Here was my thought process: God is Love (1 John 4:16) and there is no greater love than surrendering one’s soul for his friend (John 15:13). Jesus clearly upheld this: He defined and delivered the highest form of love in the surrender of His Soul. If 1-Jesus is an archangel and not God, 2-God is Love, and 3-some manifestations of love are greater than other manifestations of love, then did Jesus out-love God by surrendering His Soul in behalf of His friend since God did not do this? It would seem to be problematic for anything other than God to exhibit the highest form of love if God had not done this Himself.] Jesus of Nazareth is a unique person in our world. Mention of Jesus is simultaneously popular and not tolerated. It’s fine and even encouraged in America to talk about being a follower of Jesus as long as Jesus is just a good teacher or the mentioning is kept superficial. If there is actual depth, complexity, and an assertion that Jesus is Truth to the exclusion of others then Christianity comes under attack as being intolerant. Oswald Chambers shared some thoughts in regard to why we shouldn’t just view Jesus as a good teacher:
The teaching of the Sermon on the Mount produces a sense of despair in the natural man— exactly what Jesus means for it to do. As long as we have some self-righteous idea that we can carry out our Lord’s teaching, God will allow us to continue until we expose our own ignorance by stumbling over some obstacle in our way. Only then are we willing to come to Him as paupers and receive from Him. "Blessed are the poor in spirit . . . ." This is the first principle in the kingdom of God. The underlying foundation of Jesus Christ’s kingdom is poverty, not possessions; not making decisions for Jesus, but having such a sense of absolute futility that we finally admit, "Lord, I cannot even begin to do it." Then Jesus says, "Blessed are you . . ." ( Matthew 5:11 ). This is the doorway to the kingdom, and yet it takes us so long to believe that we are actually poor! The knowledge of our own poverty is what brings us to the proper place where Jesus Christ accomplishes His work.
The person Jesus of Nazareth is strange and misunderstood—that’s nothing new. He was murdered in His own time for this exact reason. We’re just doing it all over again. I recently heard a guy saying he didn’t like the idea that if God exists It [=God] should be prayed to and praised in all circumstances because this leaves God unaccountable when bad things happen—can God do anything evil, and if so who will judge Him? I understand this reasoning comes from an analytical approach to God, which is not a bad thing in itself, but an exclusively philosophical approach to God is certainly limited. When I heard this guy’s comment though I was indignant because if God is God then who is any human to question Him? If God is God then what human could understand His actions fully? What is any human to determine what is evil without a higher authority through which to base such a judgment? Perhaps I misunderstood the spirit behind which the comment was made; I thought it was emblematic of what I am saying though: God is misunderstood.
Accordingly we are in a period in which questioning and deconstructing are popular tools; some people call it postmodernism. Questioning should be a positive tool for growth (even if it doesn’t lead to direct answers), but some people have blindly accepted this deconstructive paradigm as the acceptable alternative to faith. The crux of deconstruction is everything is unknown and subject to questioning so therefore there is no truth because truth likewise can be questioned and deconstructed. Some people have done this to the Bible through this reasoning: the Bible was written so long ago there’s no way we can know if it is accurate or not; therefore it cannot be trusted. Of course one would suspect this would lead people to thoughtfully deconstruct God and put faith in His non-existence. Although God has been deconstructed in postmodern thought the exact opposite result has occurred—namely a generalized spirituality has increased. Belief in a Higher Being is widespread, and spiritual faith is generally acceptable as long as it’s a personal, non-universal, unspecific, unimposing type of faith. The problem with deconstruction is that even it can be deconstructed. No one can validate that deconstruction is a more enlightened or accurate methodology or worldview than faith in Jesus. Thus even deconstruction is a faith system and relative. Some people have deconstructed Jesus and formulated an idea of what they would like God to be, and I admit they completely have the freedom to do this. But just because something can be thought up doesn’t make it Truth in the same way that just because something can be questioned doesn’t make it untrue—I personally do not want to follow a god I know myself and others have concocted, nor do I desire to serve a god that can be exhaustively cognitively conceptualized. I am skeptical when a picture of god parallels what is happening in societal thought. This has happened throughout history: societal thought has been pushed onto our understanding of God. For example deconstruction labels Truth relative and personalized, and it exhibits a high form of non-judgmental tolerance; a popular theological view right now is God is relative to the individual, and the new societal Gospel is whatever you believe is fine for you. This concerns me because there is no actual belief here (other than indiscriminant tolerance for any belief); if you stand for everything you stand for nothing. You cease to believe in anything besides tolerance if you level every belief as equal. On what basis should I place faith that all roads lead to the same end—that everyone goes to Heaven after death or that there is no God and no afterlife? Because I like the idea of god or non-god I have made up should I believe it to be true? Here’s a deconstructive question to a deconstructionist thinker: is it possible that God actually revealed Himself through the Bible? It would require faith to believe so, but then again to cook up a god that sounds good and trust that God must be like that is a greater quagmire than answering the preceding question in the affirmative. If the Bible had been completely made up that wouldn’t make it true or particularly useful; my criticism would be against the Bible if it were obviously inauthentic. We certainly cannot know for sure—faith is involved in deciding whether or not the Bible is True, but it helps that academically the Bible can survive scrutiny.
In my life I’ve come across plenty of people who I believe are swell folks and do not share this believe that Jesus is the Truth. I view it as unfortunate because God is Love, and nothing can duplicate God’s Love in its purest form as exemplified through Jesus—we miss out on our greatest longing if we reject Jesus, try to normalize Him, or try to change Him. There are things I can learn from people who do not follow Jesus just as there are elements of Truth found in various belief systems. However just because the number 4.9 is close to 5 doesn’t mean if I travel at a bearing of 4.9 instead of the correct bearing of 5 that I’ll be close to where I want to travel when I’m done. Jesus said things that lead me to believe that He believed He was the only path to God, and I believe therefore His teachings should be thoughtfully considered. It’s one thing for someone to never hear of Jesus, and I’m certain God will handle this mercifully and with justice as only He can do, but we are relying on our own worthless efforts if we hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ and reject it. People raise criticisms of this idea that Jesus is the only way, but the final word about Truth is this: if Truth is Truth it’s True regardless of whether or not we believe it.
davidloti=davidloti
3.27
I had a short conversation with my dad that day in which I explained to him I wasn’t really sure how things were operating. I’m clueless, I said. We all know that, he responded. Point well taken. It’s not that I’m clueless about everything—the most important stuff I’ve got figured out: love Jesus; love others; He must increase; I must decrease—it’s the details I’m not quite certain about. Basically that’s it: I know my life is for serving Jesus, but what do I do now—try to form a new band and tour, go to seminary, think about grad school, become a missionary, quit my job, move to Nashville? I don’t know. I believe I have a gift to entertain people; if it’s true now what do I do?
davidloti=davidloti
2.19
I added two drawings this weekend. One was inspired by the idea that people sometimes say the tv camera adds ten pounds. Similarly photo editing, as we see it in almost every form of media, distorts reality in a more flattering fashion. Moles are removed, fat is reduced, hair is added or subtracted, etc. The result however is that what we see in advertisements or movies is rarely actually true—it’s been altered most likely. The day I posted this drawing I picked up a Photoshop book and flipped to a page with an example of this. They had reduced the size of the author’s nose to make it look less fat. I thought that was appropriate timing. So much of what we see is not real.
The picture I added today was inspired by a sign a saw yesterday while passing a vet which read “February is Pet Dental History Month”. Of course one of the most well known American remembrances in February is black history. Without intending disrespect I mixed Black History Month and Pet Dental Awareness Month to symbolize just how ridiculous we are being in designating a month for everything under the sun...everything except white history I guess. As long as we’re celebrating black history and raising awareness of our turtle’s need to brush this month, why don’t we just combine them with one celebration of the history of black person’s pets and their need to practice good dental hygiene…(the pets that is). Humor is everywhere.
davidloti=davidloti
12.5
davidloti=davidloti
11.17
Someone asked me yesterday where “davidloti=davidloti” originated. Here was my response:
***
If I weren't so tired at the moment I could probably come up with a quasi-humorous explanation including interesting elements like a government mandate, a motorcycle accident, or a science experiment gone terribly wrong. However the truth is I don't remember exactly when I started doing that--probably about six years ago or so, and it is really just nothing more than a mathematical truth, like 9=9, or x=x. Thus it's rooted
in dorkdome.
***
Today I am less tired and I can write a little more. The davidloti=davidloti thing is not really too interesting, but I guess it’s something that makes me unique. Reflecting upon it once I felt it symbolizes my unimportance in a way to write this mathematical truth. My name does appear twice in my signature, but it’s only because it is not important enough to stand alone. David Loti is more like the integer 3. Yes each integer is unique, but really integers are nothing special compared to numbers like p, e, or i. When you just see 3 written on a page it is really nothing special. When you see p, e, or i those numbers immediately mean something; they can stand alone and merit attention. But at least when you see 3=3 you have a statement of truth—something useful—and not just a number sitting there.
On the second subject of today, I don’t know how else to put it, but my former friend is a robot. What I mean is this friend (let’s just use the name Sherman) will not express emotion to me any more. Everything I get from Sherman seems to be neutral these days; it’s quite frustrating. We used to be very close, but after a series of disagreements and faults on both sides we are not even friends any more. It feels weird for me to even be in the same room together. It bothers me that this is the case—especially since we are both Believers.
About a month ago Sherman sent out a mass e-mail inviting me to some shows. I don’t actually know if I ever signed up for Sherman’s e-mail list or if I just started receiving these e-mails, but I was one of many recipients. The e-mail said “Id’ love to see you there” or something like that. I e-mailed Sherman and said “Hey I’m not sure if you really want me there or not; I just wanted to see if you really meant that towards me or not.” I received no response.
A few weeks ago Sherman sent out another mass e-mail inviting me to another show. This e-mail ended with the words “I'd love to see you.” I decided to try to send another e-peace offering and hope for a positive response. I hoped for some kind reciprocity.
I wrote:
***
Hey Sherman,
Thanks for the e-mail and update. I’m not sure if you really want me to come to your shows; I wanted to make sure you really want me there before I consider trying to make it out some evening. I ask because I know we don’t really talk any more, and it seems pretty awkward when we’re around each other—at least that’s how I feel. I don’t know exactly how you feel.
Honestly I don’t know why it’s still so strange for me to be in the same room as you, but even though this is the case from my side I do want you to know that I hope and desire nothing but the best for you. I felt you should know that. You are a gifted, Godly person—an example to many—and you and your family are still in my prayers.
I can’t say it any other way: I feel uncomfortable around you (and I pray it weren’t the case), but I desire God’s best for your life. I’m sorry things are the way they are between us; it is my loss. Many people are blessed by your presence, and it's too bad I have not experienced that benefit over the past two years.
Anyway. I guess that’s all I’ve got to say.
May God's Peace be with you, Sherman.
davidloti=davidloti
***
Here is Sherman’s response (which came about five days later):
***
Hey David. I don't mind having you at shows--there are songs I don't play when you show up, but that doesn't really bother me. But if it makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable, I don't really see why you would be interested in coming. My feelings aren't hurt when you don't make it, if that's what you want to know. If you'd like me to take you off the e-mail list so you don't feel conflicted every time I send an update, just let me know. That won't hurt my feelings, either. I appreciate your e-mail and your honesty and hope you are doing well
***
OK. So maybe the response isn’t entirely neutral or robotic; there is a congenial conclusion: “I appreciate your e-mail and your honesty and hope you are doing well.” But am I the only one who sees a difference in the two letters? I suppose not; another friend of mine summed up the exchange nicely when he wrote it’s like I’m “trying to demand a hug from a cactus. Even though you're showing the cactus love, you're the one who gets hurt...” That’s how I feel about all this. I’m not trying to say I’m a more loving person or Sherman is a less loving person. I’m just disappointed; as I said, I was hoping for some reciprocated kindness, but I feel like the overall tone of Sherman’s response is neutral. Sherman will not allow me back in.
This is the thing about loving people though—in order to love someone you must leave yourself vulnerable. Loving others does not require them to love you back; you leave yourself exposed in love. Love is unsafe. I think Christians use Proverbs 4:23 (Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.) to justify safe living instead of unsafe loving. This verse I really think means do not give your heart to anything less than love because then it will be unguarded. Clearly Jesus guarded His Heart in such a way as to love others who would not love Him back; He left Himself completely vulnerable in His Love. I do not know for certain, but I wonder if Sherman is trying to have a guarded heart and won’t let me in for that reason.
In a sense I feel like I have been wronged in this exchange with Sherman, but then I must put things in perspective. The injustice I perceive against me is infinitely insignificant compared to the injustice for me God has given through Grace. God’s Grace is extremely unjust in my favor. Thus I really have no reason to complain about a small injustice against me when I have received an enormous injustice in my favor. In doing this I am throwing a guy in jail for the $5 he owes me after I have been forgiven a $500,000,000 debt. I am foolish, and clearly in need of Grace.
I still desire the best for Sherman no matter Sherman’s response, but it would be swell if we could love each other as Christ loves us.
davidloti=davidloti
10.23
Although I’m thankful for our success it’s not a huge deal; it was just a Baton Rouge competition. (We’re not touring with U2 or anything.) But like I said I’m still thankful. We get to record at a real studio—which’ll be stellar; also we get to open up at Grooving on the Grounds in the spring (which is not the same weekend as my sister’s wedding thankfully!) The organizers did a really nice job on the event. They had a diverse panel of judges, professional stage and lights, good promotion, and a good attendance. It goes in my top five shows of all time without a doubt. (and the other four are…?) I’m so thankful for the great fans and friends (old and new), the organizers (who like I said did a great job), and my band mates. I say it all the time, but I love our band. Our worst show is so much fun—for us anyway. I’m so glad we’ve been able to do this.
A few things make me sad/concerned though. One is people who never make it to shows. I guess there’s nothing much I can do about this. I promote the shows; I try not to be too forceful with inviting people to come, and some people will always have excuses I guess. Oh well; it’s disappointing, but that’s life. Secondly, I do not want there to be any hard feelings between me and other bands or friends. I know sometimes it’s easy to get jealous in situations like this. I’ve been there plenty of times; I’ve had feelings of jealously towards others. This is the first time I think when sitting there with a feeling of anticipation as a winner is about to be announced I was not let down. (The ironic thing is this was the first time I remember not really expecting to win or caring if I didn’t win.) I’ve frequently been the guy who generates reasons why judging, or life or whatever was unfair and I deserved to win; it’s not healthy—at least I don’t think it is. Anyway, I just don’t want there to be hard feelings because SNS won and others didn’t; I guess much like my first point though as hard as I try there will also be at least a little of this, oh which I can do nothing. However if people are mad they shouldn’t be mad at us, but the judges.
Speakng of judges, here is my third concern. There was a judge who left a post on a message board on batonrougerocks.com that basically said there’s nothing about our music that made him care:
“a smirk does not keep me coming back to music the way heart does. I think i gave them the lowest score i gave out that night in [the overall] category, because they did not make me care.”
I thought about this, and although I do not expect everyone to like us I’m saddened that he doesn’t realize that SNS’s music is really not any less shallow than much music most people listen to and enjoy; we’re just being much more direct about it. Also just because something has a punch line doesn’t disqualify it from being enjoyed multiple times or void of heart or value; this is a dangerous assumption. Anyway I’m sorry that our music didn’t make him care. [Of course on a side note I don’t really know how to take his opinion anyway because he also said about us “They were the tightest band overall, by a lot in most cases”, with which I would also disagree.]
Anyway you can’t please everyone, but apparently we pleased the majority of the judges (somehow,) and I’m thankful that my three friends in ASNS, the friends and fans of the band, the people who feel average and inadequate and find pleasure in what we do, and I get a turn to enjoy the success. I also desire the best for franksalot.
davidloti=davidloti
9.3
I’m shocked on many levels. There are so many people involved; it’s difficult to believe the magnitude of this event. Millions of people—more people than I will ever meet—have had their lives forever changed. But besides the obvious shock stemmed from the magnitude of Katrina’s devastation, I’m shocked at other things: that fact that tragedies occur every day across the globe devastating families just as much, the fact that people can be so generous, and the fact that I can be so selfish.
I am certain I could invoke new levels of loathing by sharing with you the selfish things that occur in my heart and mind, but I will spare both of us the agony. Instead I will share with you stories of people who have truly been selfless and assuredly inform you that witnessing these events and hearing these stories has exposed my own depravity at new levels:
I received phone calls and e-mails from friends and family checking on me. I received a phone call from a friend who did not lose power and offered to give me ice or give me a place to stay or hang out if necessary.
I met a man who hitchhiked from Dallas to Baton Rouge just to help out at the Red Cross. He had no plans of where to stay or how long to stay. He just traveled for days to serve as long as necessary. He lifted heavy boxes with an injured wrist. I heard of a Louisiana man giving this man from Dallas a place to sleep, two meals, and clean clothes. I heard of a family displaced from New Orleans giving this man $20 for his efforts; can you imagine this generosity?
I have seen churches and communities open their doors to strangers. I have seen churches, companies, and individuals donate items, money, and time. I have witnessed people open their homes to strangers; how awesome is this! I have seen people serving in the shelters in which they stay. I have seen people offering their cell phones for others to make calls. I have seen people spending time with and praying with those in shelters. I have seen people volunteering I would not expect to do so.
The heart is a difficult thing to judge, and it’s easy to mislead others—as I have probably done. People who appear to be jerks may be very generous; people who appear to be loving may be deceiving. I have seen great attitudes among those serving but among those displaced even more so.
I must restrain myself from sharing the details of how I fall short of things I’ve seen. But I have been impacted and convicted by the love I’ve witnessed, and I promise you: I need your prayers just as much as those who have lost everything.
davidloti=davidloti
8.23
Last night I went and played laser tag…or is it lazer tag? I have never played before, so I didn’t know what to expect. I figured it probably wouldn’t be too great, but I was pleasantly proved wrong. I had a splendid time and would not mind returning some time. It was a little pricy (about $13.50 for three seven-minute games), but I’m glad I experienced it. My legs got a really good workout too.
Lucid Soule is a band I played with for about four years. When I knew I was going to be moving to Denver in 2004 I suggested they keep going and find another drummer. The replacement drummer Andy Reed really strengthened the band beyond what I ever did. It’s kinda hard to admit, because I know my musical abilities just aren’t at the level of Andy’s. He is what Lucid Soule needed in order to progress, not me. I’m friends with all the band members, and I wish them the best; there are no hard feelings or anything at all (at least not that I know of), but I suppose it’s humbling to admit I was holding the band back from a higher level of excellence. They are so great. I love seeing them, and finally after a year-and-a-half their new CD is out. It is really, really excellent. (I’m listening to my favorite song right now.) I’ve listened to the CD a few times. It sounds professional, and musically it is fantastic. I highly recommend picking it up. But I listen to it with the same sort of proud-humility mixture that I discussed above knowing that I was not part of it (directly anyway). I did get mention in the liner notes, and I appreciate that. I love those guys; they’re awesome. The CD really convicts me that I would like to have a professional quality recording of some of my own music some day. I have lots of lamewad recordings, but they are just that: poser, crapwad, lame, garage-type recordings. They’re ok, but they could be so much better. I would really like to hear my music at its best some time in my life. Lucid Soule did a wonderful job capturing their musicianship and essence on this recording; I am proud of them.
I am currently quasi-unemployed (again.) My year commitment with AmeriCorps has ended. It was a good year overall. It had some less-than-favorable aspects at times, but I’m glad I had the experience. I have determined that lots of office time is not my greatest strength. I can spend time in the office if I’m productively working towards something that my heart is in to, but being in the office behind a computer all day in general is not for me. However I really enjoyed the youth in the VolunnTEENs program. I enjoyed the service too. I was blessed to meet a variety of people from a variety of backgrounds that otherwise I would not have met. The summer was very busy: eight weeks of projects Monday through Friday; I didn’t have time to do much other than VolunTEENs, but I enjoyed it.
Now that things have wrapped up with VolunTEENs/AmeriCorps, I have enjoyed August as a month with some time off. I visited my parents in Texas last week; we drove the two thousand-mile round trip to the Denver, CO area over about 7 days or so. We did some hiking; I got to hike on an inactive volcano in New Mexico and the tundra of the Rocky Mountains—that was pretty cool. My family visited friends, and I saw some of my friends from YWAM-Denver and visited Scum of the Earth Church on my 25th birthday. My best friend is coming in town this week after being in Germany for about 10 months. It will be really nice to see him.
Now I need to figure out what I’m going to do next. Of course you might be thinking haven’t you started looking???!!!!??? Well sorta. I have a few ideas, but I’m not really rushing to find another job. I have some things I’m looking in to. In the mean time I’m delivering flowers on the weekends and playing music at an Episcopalian church twice a month. Also I can substitute teach if necessary. I don’t plan to stay unemployed, but I’d rather not rush into just any job.
I recently heard a friend talking about her daughter. My friend said her daughter was thinking about dropping out of grad school even though she’s completed all her courses and just has to research and write her thesis; she no longer plans to use her grad work in her career anyway. To an outsider it may seem obvious or wise for my friend’s daughter to go ahead and complete grad school since she’s made it 80% of the way through a difficult program (that’s an estimate). But whether or not she finishes her grad work is not my point of interest. As I listened I became interested in the fact that as an outsider I may hear something and be able to make a simple judgment because I am detached or distanced from the situation as it presented to me with a certain bias. Similarly I wonder how people may make detached or distanced judgments about my life if my parents or someone else were to give their biased synopsis of what I’m doing. The person listening may hasten to conclude that I am making unwise decisions: I knew my year of service with AmeriCorps would be done in August, and I didn’t get another job lined up. Perhaps my actions (or lack of actions) were unwise. I don’t know. I think it’s interesting though that as an individual I can be so blind to things that others may see so clearly. It may be obvious to an outsider that something I’m doing is very wise or unwise, and while it is happening in my personal experience I may be mostly ignorant of this fact. Were I to see something as an outsider looking at someone else’s life it may appear clearly to me, but were the same thing to happen to me I may be oblivious because I’m so close to the situation. I suppose if there’s a lesson here it is the value of wise counsel.
In July I had an encounter with a homeless person at LSU, and I am still thinking about the experience. The person requested money for a bus ride and a night at the shelter across town. I called the shelter and they said they still had a few spots. I did not want to give this person money because I rarely give beggars money, but I did not know if I would have enough time to give that person a ride across town to the shelter and get back for the Soup Named Stew show. I felt like a jerk for not doing more to help this person. Once we were set up I determined I would have enough time to give this person a ride to the shelter, but I could not find him at this point.
Dealing with homeless people is difficult. I know that these are the rejects of society that Jesus loves to hang out with, but I fall way short of the love that Jesus offers. I try to be compassionate and generous when such encounters occur, but I hate giving homeless people money mostly because I feel like it only encourages more begging. I don’t usually mind buying a homeless person a meal or giving that person a gift certificate for a meal. However even these are not great solutions to deeper problems.
It seems homeless people have all got a good story, but they’re not in a very trustworthy position from my experience. From my perspective in order to be a beggar you’ve got to convince someone your cause is worthy in order to get money from that person. Some beggars employ lies as if they were tools instead of vices. It seems all beggars I meet are honest, non-drinking, non-drug-using, Christian, wounded veterans down on their luck. I don’t know where all the drug-using, lying, mentally ill beggars are; I’ve never met one. Sarcasm aside, they’ve all got a story, and they’re competing for the best one. Sometimes it’s true; sometimes it’s not. Since it’s nearly impossible for me tell who’s lying or not I don’t like perpetuating a lifestyle that asks others for money. I try to empathize and be compassionate, but in general I don’t see giving beggars money as helpful to me or that person. Helping a person in this situation requires more than a few bucks. It requires an investment on both parties: the giver and the person in need.
Even as I write this though I am aware of my own hard-heartedness in a sense. I have been in the position of being a beggar—spiritually speaking. God did require anything from me but to come to Him and admit my inadequacy. God calls me to give the same unconditional love that He has given to me. I definitely fall short.
There is one more thing I’d like to share; it is concerning A Soup Named Stew’s recent T-Shirt order. Our first order was with a company called Contagious Graphics. We were very pleased with their customer service and products. They did splendid, speedy, professional work. My only concern was that the shirts they used were made outside the U.S., and I would prefer to support a company that I know does not use sweatshop or exploited labor or very cheap labor while the C.E.O. takes home a millionaire’s paycheck. Because we are in a society that highly values the financial bottom-line there are not many companies that I know of that adhere to policies that protect and respect the warehouse workers in T-Shirt manufacturing; doing so is more expensive than ignoring this facet of production. So I went out of my way to research different companies that make T-Shirts with unionized workers—which at least gives the workers some voice in their working conditions. Such companies exist, but their products are often more expensive because labor costs are higher, and they are not well known because of this. (Check out the links section for more information.)
Anyway I felt good about paying a few more bucks for each shirt and knowing that it was not supporting something that I didn’t want to support. Unfortunately I dealt with a United States company that had the worst customer service I have ever experienced. They really were terrible—especially when juxtaposed with Contagious Graphics. After I placed the order they sent the T-Shirts to my home. Unfortunately they did not send me the tracking number in a timely manner, which caused a lot of problems. They offered to send it to me, so I said I would like it. They did not send it to me initially. I asked again a few days later, and they promised they’d send it my way later that day. They still did not. I asked a third time (after they had offered to send it to me in the first place anyway) and they sent it to me. I noticed at this point the shirts were on their way back to Chicago (where they were shipped from) because UPS tried to deliver the package for over a week but couldn’t find my address. UPS never bothered to contact the shipper to find out what was up either. BLAH. Furthermore the package could not be redirected until it made it back to Chicago. Only then could it be reshipped. I discovered that if the T-Shirt company had sent me the tracking number the second time I had asked for it (and the second time they’d told me they would send it) I could have contacted UPS before they sent the package back to Chicago. I received the tracking number after three requests and discovered this about eight hours after it had been shipped back to Chicago. The T-Shirt company never really seemed to indicate to me that they understood the seriousness of their negligence which caused the shirts to get to me over two weeks late.
What particularly frustrates me about this situation is not about the mistakes involved, but that this company is theoretically trying to something good: use unionized labor instead of cheap expendable labor. However their costumer service sucks. It reminds me of when Christians produce crappy art or trite and ripped-off products (go into any Christian bookstore and you’ll see what I’m talking about) and think just because they’re Christian they’re good enough. In reality Christians should exceed society’s standards of excellence in everything (as long as it doesn’t dishonor God) in order to Glorify God. Similarly I would hope that a company that has to sacrifice potential business for selling a more expensive product by doing what is better for the laborers would strive even harder to have great customer service and would be extremely apologetic for a mistake. This aspect of this experience was a huge disappointment.
Well I guess that’s it for now.
davidloti=davidloti
7.4
I really love my band A Soup Named Stew. I love each member and what he contributes. I cannot picture the band with a different lineup; it just would not be the same. I love to play and practice with the band. I love laughing with the guys. I love making audiences laugh. I love our merchandise. But I feel egotistical at times because I really feel like this band has a better chance of making it as a fulltime musical effort than any other band I’ve played with. Then I realize it’s not actually egotism as much as it is an assessment of the band as a whole. I really think we’re good at what we do; we’re not musically outstanding, but as entertainers we’re pretty fun. People honestly enjoy our shows, and we do too. We are accessible to a diverse crowd because of (pretty clean) humor. I just hope I don’t waste the experience or opportunity. But no matter what happens, it has been such a blast so far!
Today I posted something I’ve wanted to post for at least a week; it’s a drawing titled An Exploration of Irony: Ignorance Bread inspired by an e-mail I received from someone at my high school as part of a discussion of government funding of public broadcasting. It was so ironically unfortunate that he wrote what he did (by accident I’m sure): “I am glad funding was restored to PBS/NPR, etc. I don't know why leaders in Congress would want to cut funding that provides for the dissemination of news, unless of course they do not want an informed American public so as to bread ignorance. We already have too much of that anyway!” Indeed we have too much ignorance bread in our society; ignorance bread breeds ignorance one slice at a time.
A few weeks ago I realized that sometimes it’s harder to be the person rejecting than the person who gets rejected. I was in a situation in which a nice young lady was interested in me, and I was not romantically attracted to her. I know that it hurt her to discover how I how felt (or didn’t feel)—no one likes to get rejected. But I felt pretty bad knowing that I had made her feel bad. Then I felt hypocritical because of a song I had written a few months back called Wishing I Were There. It’s about wanting there to be someone in this world who wants me to be with her. I suppose upon closer analysis I don’t want to just be with any woman who wants to be with me, but a woman who wants to be with me while I want to be with her. There should be reciprocity.
I played a show on Friday, and it was interesting. There wasn’t a huge crowd, but it went well. There were plenty of technical problems, and I actually found myself so uncomfortable on stage because of the state I was in mentally that I wanted to quit about three songs before the end of the set. The audience was encouraging, but I felt bad that I was delivering such a poor performance. This is the only time I remember really wanting to get off stage sooner than later. However after the show I was encouraged that members of the audience had enjoyed specific things about the show. It was interesting to me that a show I had thought went so poorly was actually not that bad from the audience’s ears. Hopefully I can post some photos and video from the evening in the upcoming weeks.
I recently had a conversation with a nice young lady concerning Christianity. As I think about Christianity I believe if people really understood the Message of the Gospel they would enter into it. A major problem is that Christianity has been misunderstood as something it is not; for example people might believe Christianity is believing that homosexual marriage is wrong or Christianity is going to church on Sunday mornings. I would like to submit what Christianity is from my perspective.
Christianity is a loving relationship between God and me in which He makes me less like myself and more like Jesus Christ through the work of His Holy Spirit as I spend time with Him.
Almost all religions admit the universal need of forgiveness or redemption because of mankind’s wickedness or shortcomings of God’s standard of excellence. Christianity is unique because it deals with the need for redemption differently than other religions.
In man’s mind we must work harder and do more stuff in order to be made right with God. This is how most religious philosophies explain salvation: a person must do the right actions (pray more, help more people, make sacrifices, achieve enlightenment through meditation, etc.) to be made right with God. Christianity fundamentally believes that in God’s Mind every human is not good enough to earn His love, but every human can receive God’s Love as an undeserved gift by accepting Jesus Christ—and this is the only way. Hence, God makes things even for all humans. He says anyone can have a relationship with Him—not just a certain type of person—but only by accepting His gift.
The crux of Christianity is this: Jesus was fully human and fully God. He lived on earth in such a way that He was the only human to ever not fall short of God’s standard of excellence. God requires payment for breaking His standard in the form of sacrifice. Jesus was undeservingly and painfully crucified, and God accepted this death as a sacrifice and payment for the shortcomings of anyone who would accept the gift. Two days after His death, Jesus was brought back to life by God’s Power so that those in relationship with God would one day be brought back to life too.
Basically Jesus lived a perfect life, died a painful death, and came back to life so I could have an eternal relationship with God by admitting I could never do it on my own, but only with Jesus.
To the mind Christianity's beliefs may sound crazy, but to the heart that humbly sees its owns faults they resound true. In fact it is not really the technical logistics of Christianity that are desirable, but the benefits. Since I have become a Christian I have become more loving and compassionate, less vulgar, more hopeful and empathetic, more concerned with justice, and less worried about my needs. I know these things have been developed in me as I’ve spent time in a relationship with God. I am not concerned with trying to earn God’s Love, because I know I never could. Instead I accept God’s Love as an underserved gift, and I become more like Him in the process.
Hence Christianity is a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, who by His very nature is Love, and not a set of rules and regulations.
davidloti=davidloti
6.16
I love my band
A Soup Named Stew so much. The guys in the band are so awesome, and we always have a great time together. When we get together we laugh and play music—two wonderful things. Even if I’m tired I love going to practice; it puts me in such a great mood just hanging with Andy, Jon, and Will. Also I really, really like our new T-Shirts.
Contagious Graphics did a great job! Props.
In other news I am pleased to see people are reading my thoughts and sharing their opinions, whether or not they agree. That is sweetastic. I feel so blessed to have some great friends. Thanks to those who have challenged me to be a better person through their contributions and responses.
For example one friend recently encouraged me to try listening to some more conservative news radio sources in addition to NPR. I’ve started listening to a conservative talk radio station occasionally (in addition to NPR) in order to provide some balance to my media diet. (This was a wise suggestion indeed.)
Another friend expressed how pleased she was to read my thoughts on Democrats not being all liberal, naïve, drug-influenced freaks.
A third friend offered some of his thoughts after reading my previous thoughts about encouraging words, politics, and vegetarianism. I thought it might be beneficial to share my thoughts to his points here in case others have similar comments/concerns. (I would encourage you to read
6.9's thoughts if you haven’t already so you can better follow this discourse.)
First please allow me to say I am not a very articulate person. I’m not saying this as an excuse, but as a fact that sometimes what I mean and what I say don’t align because of my verbal inadequacy and/or laziness. Then sometimes (many times) I don’t even really have things figured out when I speak; I’m not very wise in that respect. I guess that’s why this section is labeled thoughts; it’s a process of figuring things out.
My friend’s thoughts were mostly concerning vegetarianism, but before I address these points, in the spirit of clarification, I would like to say that I know there are plenty of Christian Republicans in our country just as there are plenty of non-Christian Democrats. My point about the parties and Christianity was that one could argue that Dean’s statement about Democrats having a more compassionate and loving platform might be supportable in spite of the branding of the Republican Party as the party of Christians. I really don’t follow politics too much. I know both parties are inadequate, and I both will make errors.
Well on to my vegetarianism thoughts. Perhaps the first thing I need to clarify is that my comments are rooted in the idea of vegetarianism in America (particularly over the past 100 years I think)—not internationally or absolutely per se. Although some of the problems with meat production in America today apply to other nations there are also plenty of nations in which they do not apply. I have occasionally considered if I lived in country in which animals were treated more humanely would I eat meat there. I think for the first reason I stated (that I would personally feel bad killing an animal) I probably would not—at least at this point in my life. If it died of natural causes and I didn't have an attachment to the animal, then I probably would.
My friend’s main concern was that I was suggesting that vegetarians are better than non-vegetarians and my thoughts are displaying an us-versus-them attitude. After re-reading what I wrote I could see the possibility of readers taking away such an attitude—especially with the smoking analogy I mentioned from Diet for a New America. I think smoking is not as wise a decision as non-smoking, but I don’t think smokers are worse than non-smokers.
My point was not to pass judgment, but to explain why I’ve made the decision. When you make the decision to not eat meat people want to know why. These are the reasons. I don’t want meat eaters to feel uncomfortable by eating meat around me or by me not eating meat around them. I have reasons why I’ve made the decision, and some people will not agree with those reasons. But when I eat with non-vegetarians I try to not make a big deal out of our differences. If they inquire I try to non-abrasively explain my thoughts on the issue. That was all I was trying to do—just this time around the e-dinner table.
Here is another point to clarify: I think Jesus is displeased with people abusing animals, but I think Jesus has no problem with people eating them in general. I don’t think eating animals is a sin. Some people disagree, and that’s fine, but eating animals is just not for me at this point in my life. Since so many people think vegetarianism is a strange choice I thought I’d share thoughts on why I’ve made that choice.
Jesus indicated (in Matt. 15) that what goes into the mouth does not matter--it passes through the body. What matters is what comes out of the mouth (and heart). Jesus fed people with fish. No worries. He probably ate meat himself, but that doesn’t mean He abused animals.
There’s a difference between eating a cow and making a cow live in a small stall his entire life rarely seeing sunlight and then slicing his throat while he hangs upside down by one leg after being in a trailer full of diseased and fecal soaked cattle for his final hours. There is a difference between milking your cow when she has milk to give and repeatedly artificially inseminating her only to take her calves away immediately after their births and milk her much more than she’s designed to be milked. One of these is simply eating or milking a cow; the other is arguably abuse. Just because Jesus gave men dominion over animals does not mean He wants men to abuse them.
In America there are meat producers who make great efforts to make sure the animals are not abused. Mega props go to these people. If I return to eating meat one day in this country I will surely support these people’s efforts. However in the majority of meat producers this is not the case. In some countries this is not a problem. In America today it is.
In regards to my comment about the use of resources for raising animals versus the resources for farming plants I think it’s meaningful to note that people (children included) can live just as healthily, and in many cases more healthily, without meat in their diets than with meat in their diets. Percentage-wise, vegetarians have fewer cases of heart disease, cancer, and osteoporosis than meat eaters do. Also by eating the appropriate amount of calories through a well balanced diet, it is nearly impossible to not get enough protein in your body. Protein and other vitamins are easy to get if you eat a balanced vegetarian diet; to my knowledge B12 is the most difficult vitamin to get on a vegetarian diet, but you can still get it from non-meat sources.
Of course there are always exceptions. Some people smoke two packs a day for years and never develop emphysema. Some people eat lots of meat and never suffer from cancer or heart disease. Some people never eat meat and die from colon cancer. But in general a meat-free diet is more healthy and adequate than a meat diet, and from the standpoint of wisely using the limited resources on a greatly populated planet, it makes more sense to farm plants than animals (just as it makes more sense to develop better fuel sources than to rely on oil.) (Did you know that half of the water used in the U.S. each year is used to farm animals, and the amount of fecal material produced each day from these farm animals significantly contributes to pollution?)
I’m not trying to say that meat eaters are worse people than vegetarians. I think there is wisdom in the choice, but I am not worthy to point the finger at anyone else, because I know I’ve done plenty of less-than-good things in my life. I’m not saying that making the change from meat to non-meat is easy. I’m also not saying that, although I agree with
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) on many issues and encourage people to use their website as a informational resource, I would support PETA with my money; I think in my priority of my monetary resources I would rather invest in organizations that will help people with more immediate and desperate needs such as
Blood: Water Mission than PETA.
I’m just sharing information on why I made the decision to stop eating meat. You can agree or disagree with my reasons, but it’s something that appears to be logical to me at this stage in my life. Whether or not you're a vegetarian you can still always be a better person.
davidloti=davidloti
6.9
Recently one of my friends offered a gesture of peace and encouragement to me through an e-mail, and it really helped boost my attitude. What this friend wrote caused me to think that even a small act of peace from someone can have a significant impact in reconciling differences and problems. Words are very powerful, and even a few words can really help smooth out long standing rough spots.
On a quasi-unrelated subject, I am going to delve into the two topics that you just don’t bring up in any casual conversation: politics and religion. Although I follow politics (without fervor) I don’t place much faith or hope in it. I don’t really consider myself a very political person, but I have some political and religious thoughts to share after listening to Howard Dean on National Public Radio last week.
Dean mentioned that the Democratic Party represents Christian values better than the Republican Party does. Aside from the two main moral issues of abortion and homosexuality, I think this is true. You’re free to disagree with me, but I think the Democrats are much more concerned with protecting the lower class of our society than the Republicans are, which is interesting since many people assume (at least in the South) if you’re Christian then you’re Republican.
I believe if Jesus were physically on earth today as an American, He would not be middle or upper class and white (the largest Republican demographic.) He would probably be Latino, black, or another non-white race, because these groups are frequently mistreated and dishonored by upper and middle class whites just as Jesus was rejected and abused by the upper class Jews and Romans of His day.
My thought is it’s unfortunate that as a society we equate Republican and Christian, when in reality the values of Democrats are closer to the compassion and love Jesus exhibits and expects from Christians.
This leads me to my final thought of the day. I have been eating vegetarian for a few months now, and, without trying to force this decision on anyone else, I would like to discuss some of the main reasons I have made this dietary choice. Aside from health reasons such as the correlation between meat consumption and cancer, here are the personal reasons I have adopted this choice for this stage in my life:
Basically although I enjoy the taste of meat, I feel guilty eating it because doing so supports abuse of animals, a waste of resources, and an unhealthy diet. I read in Diet for a New America (Robbins) recently that we thought at one time smoking held no health dangers. Later we understood smoking causes cancer. Similarly today people don’t see problems with consuming meat, but perhaps one day people will see the health, environmental, and moral dangers associated with meat farming and production.
Of course just as there are people today who understand the dangers of smoking and smoke anyway, there will always be people who, resources allowing, will eat meat in spite of the dangers. But hopefully more people will understand the benefits and implications behind such a choice.
So in conclusion to everything I've shared today: I am not a llama.
davidloti=davidloti
6.3
I am not very good at making major decisions. I’m a little (and by a little I mean a lot) like the kid who really wants to jump into the pool: I’m convinced I want to swim and swimming is a great idea until I’m on the edge of the pool. Then I change my mind. Eventually I’ll jump in (usually), but not after psyching myself out a few times first.
Actually this is exactly how I was cliff diving last year. I gave myself too much time to think about what I was doing, and rather than just jumping, I thought about it. It took me about fifteen minutes to finally do it.
This is my personality in the big life decisions too. I often get up to the edge and sit and think for a while. Sometimes I jump; sometimes I change my mind. But the longer I sit and think the more difficult it becomes to jump, until somehow I finally just do it.
In August I finish a year commitment with AmeriCorps, and I don’t know what I’ll do next. I have a variety of gifts and options, and I know some of the things I enjoy doing, but even as I seek God for wisdom and search my own heart, I feel so clueless and weak.
I want to make a difference in this world, and yet I’m a coward about pursuing paths that will allow me to do so. I don’t care (or at least I don’t think I care) about being on top of the American income bracket, because I know (with a guilty reluctance) that I am already one of the richest people on the planet simply by living a middle class American lifestyle. I don’t need more stuff; in fact I need less stuff, and yet I acquire much more than I give away. UGGGGH!
I’m just frustrated in my cluelessness, and yet I have some peace somewhere in there too. This is a beautiful struggle really (although probably an unnecessary one) because I know how it will all end.
davidloti=davidloti
6.1
I was driving at a reasonable speed (at least 5 below the limit) and a guy pulled into an intersection and stopped unexpectedly so that there was no possible way for me to stop in time without hitting him. So immediately I changed lanes to avoid the collision which otherwise was inevitable. There was no time for me to check my mirror/blind spot; I just swerved to the next lane to avoid hitting this guy thinking to myself “I hope there’s no one here, or I will hit him/her.”
You may know where this is going…well actually it doesn’t go there. I waited for the sound of two crunching automobiles, and thankfully there was no one in the lane next to me. I avoided an accident. So this is good, right? Yes! Absolutely! But more than the story itself, I wanted to share two contemplative reactions of this event.
Firstly I wonder if what I did was right? It logically seems like it was my best option. If I had continued straight I would have hit this guy without question. There was no time to stop. By changing lanes I may or may not have hit someone. It just so happened that I didn’t. Did I make the correct choice? I think so. Maybe I can find out for sure on Friday when I take a defensive driving class that I was scheduled for anyway because it is required for the office.
But the second contemplation is the one in which I have more interest. Almost immediately after the near collision I said a sincere “Thank You” to God for keeping me (and the person who I would have deemed the poor driver in this scenario) safe. However when I got home I realized perhaps I was falling into this nonsensicalness of thanking God because what happened was good according to me. I had to remind myself that the events of yesterday were convenient and good from my perspective, but even if I had been in a terrible accident I would have had no less reason to tell God that He is good. I would have no less reason to thank God for who He is even if I were not typing this now because I had killed in that accident. So ultimately my thanks should not be wrapped up in my understanding of a good turn of events but in the fact that I trust that God is good in everything He does.
I share this with caution because I don’t want people to think that I have this idea that God hurts people just to hurt them or allows evil just to allow evil. My point is a greater one: I believe God is always good in what He does—whether or not it’s convenient or profitable from my perspective. I believe sometimes I have a tendency to be generous in thanking God for things that I think are good and forgetful regarding His goodness in the areas which are less favorable for me. I believe God is good and in control all the time. You may disagree, but I’m sorry if you do.
So yes I am thankful for the way things turned out yesterday. I would prefer to be safe and alive than injured or in a wreck. Perhaps there was some sort of unseen supernatural protection; perhaps not. I really don’t know. But either way, and whether or not I was harmed, I believe God’s goodness is not wrapped in how I interpret a series of events.
davidloti=davidloti
5.24
It's fascinating how a small nothing decision can have a greater than nothing impact on your day. A few weeks ago I decided to listen to the Return of the Jedi soundtrack at work. Later that day my coworker's seven-year-old nephew showed up unbeknownst to me to spend a few hours at the office. Shortly after my coworker introduced her nephew to me he heard the Star Wars theme coming out of my computer speakers; we immediately connected and spoke about Star Wars for the rest of the day. He even drew me a picture of General Grievous (which he spelled "Genril Greaveas")--awesome! It was interesting that I had chosen to listen to the RotJ soundtrack that day as opposed to Flaming Lips or R.E.M. or something else that would not have led to that connection.
This choice didn't significantly change my life or his, but it allowed both of us to enjoy something we otherwise might not have.
(There is probably an indication that I’ve been watching too much Scrubs lately because I can picture myself delivering what I just said as an inner monologue at the beginning and denouement of a Scrubs episode thematically revolving around serendipitous events. The only question is whose voice delivers it in my head: mine or Zach Braff’s?)
davidloti=davidloti
5.19
This afternoon I met with a good friend who has been a great encouragement to me over the past few years. He invested some wisdom into my life regarding how I should go about doing some planning and making some decisions in the upcoming months. I hope some fruit will result from our conversation; I’m certain it will. I am just thankful for the friendship we share.
Friendship has been something I’ve been thinking about this week because of a conversation I’ve been having with another friend. It seems that sometimes there is a connection or spark between two people that is not explainable, and this often is the root for a good friendship. Sometimes there are people who theoretically we should be good friends with and we simply don’t connect, and then there are others that would not make likely friends in our minds, but there is a deep connection almost instantaneously. People naturally enjoy being able to relate to others, but it seems that sometimes people who are too similar won’t connect, and people who have little in common will.
It’s sorta like this: you can become better friends with a person who lives in another state that you spend twelve hours a day with during a week at summer camp and write letters to once a year than the person you see every day who lives across the street or rides the school bus with you. Sometimes there’s an unpredictable connection, and it’s very nice. I am blessed to share this connection with a few people in my life.
It would be very nice to think one day I’ll share this with a woman who will also be my wife.
davidloti=davidloti
5.13
I found out this week that Freeway is going to close its doors in two weeks after 5 years of ministry. Freeway is my church and so much more. I’ve played music there for the past 8ish months, and Freeway has been the only place that I really have consistently related to the methods used to teach and the opportunities provided to spend time with God. Freeway was the reason I moved back to Baton Rouge after moving around a bunch last year. It has always seemed authentic to me, but others have not taken advantage of it in the past year, so (another) transition will occur. I love it, and I will miss it. I’m sorry others did not feel the same way—or at least at the same level.
Also this week I heard that the radio show I started about 5 years ago on KLSU (Soulglow) may go off the air this summer. Bummer. I’m hoping it won’t.
Lately my thoughts have been bogged down with my ex-girlfriend. She’s a great woman, and I don’t exactly know why we’re not together. I just know that she no longer wants to be with me, and I don’t really know how I feel towards her. I don’t know why we actually broke up. It just kinda happened I guess. When it happened I was moving to Denver (and didn’t know I’d be coming back), and we fought about stupid stuff more than either of us would have liked. But on the important things we agreed, and we (usually) had fun together. We made sacrifices for each other, and I consider her a woman of admirable character. Upon analysis I think we both got lazy, but I don’t know how to rectify that. I think breaking up is lame and selfish almost every time I’ve experienced it. I think it almost always is. Anyway now I’ve been back in town for almost a year, and things are simply awkward for both of us when we’re around each other. I feel like a reject when I see her, and I would rather have nothing between us than something superficial. The problem is that she’s in my thoughts more than I’d like (because I feel so uncomfortable thinking about her), and I don’t know how to deal with it any differently than I am: not at all. I desire some peace.
davidloti=davidloti
5.8
I pulled out some newer tunes, but I also played My Life As Captain Dave (2002) since Chris is moving to New York next month, and I don’t know when we’ll be playing David Loti stuff together again. He enjoys that song, and I wanted to pay him the honor of playing it together as a closer. Also we played his song Asleep, which is a great tune.
I enjoyed hearing the other acts; they were talented and sounded pretty good. I was also pleased that some friends showed up last night including Kevin, Justin, Adrienne, Megan, Elizabeth, and Emily. Also Eric (of Shark Attack) passed by and saw that I was playing and stuck around for a few tunes. After the show Justin, Keegan, Schmidt, Adrienne, and myself enjoyed some grub at Louie’s.
I am increasingly aware of the sad condition of my heart; last night was part of that process. Without giving a ton of details, I know that my thoughts and words can be so jerktastic many times—thoughts on a particular ex-girlfriend, women’s ignorant clothing choices, Super-Jesus evangelism methods, panhandling, awards, youthful naivety, acceptance, man’s praise, judging others, and blurting out condescending statements. This is unfortunate, but I suppose it all serves as proof that I am in need of Somone greater than myself. (Ain’t that the Truth?)
davidloti=davidloti
It’s been a wild few months: I’ve been to Vancouver for a visit to Regent College (and an unexpected airport encounter with Kristen Schaal—at least I’m convinced it was her); I’ve served in Jamaica, New Orleans, and Mississippi; I’ve been making necessary preparations and saying goodbyes in order to move to Canada in a few weeks for at least three years to finish up my MDiv at Regent; A Soup Named Stew played two super fantastic (final) shows in July (much thanks to Jason Smith for stepping in last minute at the second to last show); I released a new solo CD in July; I played some very nice (final for now) solo shows with a great backup band each time; I visited with friends from Germany and China and other places; I made some new dear friends (especially if your last name rhymes with cangibber); I learned lessons of life and love (and heartbreak); and I enjoyed the fact that I am living fully and loving life now, knowing life does not begin once I’m married, or done with school, or get signed, or in love, or have everything figured out, or (fill in the blank.)
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Thoughts. Hmmmm. Thoughts. It’s been quite a while since I’ve written out my thoughts. I have been accumulating them however with the intention of getting them out at some point. I guess some point has arrived. This will inevitably take a few days or weeks and multiple sittings to get these all out…so the timing may be all over the place. Just keep it in mind as you read.
A few weeks ago I saw a lizard on the windowsill inside my house. And I’m no lizardologist, but I know lizards usually live outside and not on windowsills in houses. I didn’t have a problem with the lizard hanging out inside, but it seemed logical to me that the lizard wanted to get outside and just didn’t know how to do so. It seems in fact many creatures (flies especially) lose their way and find themselves inside my house, making their way to the window—their view at the hope of light and the outside world. Often though I find the bodies of these creatures too late sitting lifeless on the windowsill. I only imagine their final hours were spent in futility trying to get through the window—seeing exactly where they want to get but not knowing how to get there. (A lot could be said from that last statement too.)
Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you. (St. Augustine)
It's easy to be average; do nothing (Browning Wood)
Everyone's serving something; no one's just floating around (Gerrit Dawson)
technology is creating an environment that is answer rich, but we're question poor (Susan Greenfield)
While we live in the Wild, God will choose a way that is near enough to affirm our minds and hearts, but at the same time still far enough not to overwhelm us. (Dale Fincher)
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
…because July 08, 2009
…because sechs, sieben, acht
…because 9 was eaten by 7
…because 7 consumed the 10 minus 1
“external service”: ministry to those with special needs, reconciliation, evangelism (paraphrase Arthur Glasser131)
Female education proved to be the most effective force for the liberation and social uplift of women. (R. Pierce Beaver 250)
from no other source have there come as many and as strong movements to eliminate or regulate war and to ease the suffering brought by war. From its first centuries the Christian faith has caused many of its adherents to be uneasy about war. (Study Guide 58)
“do not pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be a miracle.”…
It is emphatically no sacrifice. Say rather it is a privilege. Anxiety, sickness, suffering, or danger, now and then, with a foregoing of the common conveniences and charities of this life, may make us pause, and cause the spirit to waver, and the soul to sink, but let this only be for a moment. All these are nothing when compared with the glory which shall hereafter be revealed in and for us. I never made a sacrifice. (Samuel Zwemer 315)
[a missionary is] a worker laboring to reach people of a significantly different culture (E2 or E3). By contrast, an evangelist is one who labors to reach others of their own culture (E0 or E1). (Study Guide 80)
We knew before we left that we would have different types of adjustments. I knew the hardest time for me would be at first, and he felt that his hard times would occur after he had been here a while. So it has been. I really had a hard time leaving our family. But after I started getting out with the people here, my homesickness faded. The local community has so warmly received us. At Christmas, 125 of these friends came to our Christmas celebration. And during that season, the closeness of our interpersonal relationships amazed us.
1. Repent and believe: Mark 1:15
2. Be baptized (and continue in the new life it initiates): Matt. 28:18-20; Acts 2:38; Rom. 6:1-11
3. Love God and neighbor in a practical way: Matt. 22:37-40
4. Celebrate the Lord’s Supper: Luke 22:17-20
5. Pray: Matt. 6:5-15
6. Give: Matt. 6:19-21; Luke 6:38
7. Disciple others: Matt. 28:18-20
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I did not quite make my personal deadline for posting one more entry of thoughts by the end of 2007, but I’m not too far off thankfully. At least I started processing and outlining what I wanted to write in late December. So I wasn’t a complete slacker. So yes. Here we are in 2008. Apparently I have a few friends who care to read these thoughts from time to time, and for that I am thankful. Okay so I made up those friends in my mind, but they could exist. [In fact I received a report that a nice woman actually read these thoughts (on purpose) recently!!! Wowzas! Amazing.] Seriously, I know some of you actually do read these posts, and I want to say thank you for taking the time to show you care and to engage my expression—especially as dissuading as it may be to some in its frequent admitted verbosity. I heartily am grateful.
I mentioned earlier in this post about balance, and I would like to explore that a little more. I believe balance is important in life, and the search for balance is the result of the presence of tension between opposing sides. This tension can be a good thing—causing us to process information we might otherwise neglect. Tension can also cause us to grow: if there were no tension we would have little reason to consider other viewpoints—in fact there might not even be other viewpoints if there were no tension. Perhaps tension is the result of the process of us considering which viewpoint best suits and represents reality. Unfortunately it seems if there is complete balance this can be problematic because an impasse emerges.
An interesting polemic exists against theism which posits the inquiry: Why doesn’t God heal amputees? Interestingly this argument against generic theism really is just an attack of Christianity since it bases its major premise on debunking Mark 11:24 (Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.) The logic is this as far as I can tell: if God is real and the Bible is true and I pray for something then I must believe it since I’ve prayed it. So I’m going to pray for God to heal every amputee on the earth, and just because I prayed it must mean I believed it. It didn’t happen. Therefore God must not exist, and to believe in God is delusion. (I’m just boiling it down as I see it.) Also it’s interesting to note that the preceding verse of this chapter provides additional necessary context which is omitted in this argument: this person does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen. So when you prayed for every amputee in the world to be healed did you doubt in your heart? I’m a Believer, and I have to admit in my own weakness I would likely have doubt in my heart if I were to pray this prayer. Just throwing that out there. Now I will admit I do not know of anyone who has regenerated a limb, and honestly this doesn’t cause a Faith crisis for me. I have heard stories of healing and inexplicable things from people I trust. Two quick examples: I have a friend who, after years of extreme neck pain and surgery, was prayed over and experienced a warm physical sensation and received healing in her neck within a few hours. I’ve also heard of a woman who was praying in Asia and began to speak fluently in the native tongue of the people she was serving even though she did not know the language at all. Of course this is not a healing story, but believing the testimonies of these two women I deem trustworthy, I have no explanation of this or the healing other than through intervention of something beyond a physical reality. These two stories certainly fit into my understanding of reality within the context of Christ. Science can only dismiss such events skeptically. That just is not satisfactory for me. In my perspective this is like a student who does not have the tools/knowledge to figure out the last two hard questions on the exam so s/he just omits and ignores them. So yeah, why doesn’t God heal amputees? It’s a fair question. I really don’t know. I don’t doubt that He could though. Let me not invalidate the question, but to cite it as a refutation of all theological premise is as crass as trying to debunk evolution with the question: Why doesn’t evolution heal amputees? As noted in the argument against Christianity/theology there are other creatures who practice regeneration of limbs, so why hasn’t evolution impacted humans in this way? Oh because evolution must not exist?!?! This just seems sloppy and childish to me. So Why doesn’t God heal amputees? is not a faith burdening question for myself when I consider the context of that Scripture and my personal experience.
Grad school is inching along. I’ve finished 6 out of 90 hours, and my third class should be done by the end of next month. (So that’ll make 10% completion in 1.5 years!) Nice. I’m pretty excited about going there after talking to some Regent grads about it last weekend. Sweet.
One of the reasons I did not visit my family is because my truck is having electrical problems such that the windshield wipers malfunction; I need to get that rectified.
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It’s been a crazy and good summer! I love that I’m in a phase of life where in any given six-month period my life can change significantly (I suppose that’s true of everyone though.)
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Hmmmm. April it is. Life has been crazy since my previous post in January; in fact I‘m tired of responding “fine” when questioned “how’s it going?”—because I know it’s not entirely true—or replying “crazy” when asked the same—because I know it is a strange response. However God has been stretching me and teaching me in some significant ways. Many of the lessons I’m sure I’m still unaware, but there is unquestionably some good work being done. And one of the things with which I’m struggling includes when to reveal information and when not to do so. I often feel frustrated when I know people are keeping information from me—especially the few people I consider close to me. My tendency in many relationships (close especially) has been to lay everything (or at least almost everything) I’m thinking and feeling out there in conversation quickly so as to be honest, vulnerable, and authentic because those are important qualities to me. Whereas I do not do this in all settings in many I do. I am starting to question how profitable, wise, and most importantly Christ-like this practice is in certain contexts. Jesus certainly had some cryptic things to say at times though, so perhaps it’s more appropriate than I realize.
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So yeah thoughts. Well it’s a new year. As indicated in the song Good Year I don’t expect much from December-January transitions in themselves. I suppose a new year is an opportune time to reflect on ways to improve ourselves and our world. However since I am...never mind. Honestly there is plenty I should aim to improve in myself. More specifically there is much more I should aim to surrender for God to improve, and my desire is to do this every day throughout the year and not give special attention to the new year in this regard. I really don’t think there’s an inherent wrong with such new year’s practices—they’re just not for me at this time in my life.
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Thoughts. Hmmmm. It’s been a while since I’ve posted some thoughts here. And much has occurred and changed since I posted in July. I suppose some of this is actually more appropriately news, but I’m posting these as thoughts anyway since it would be untimely to post news items from August in November.
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Last week a friend asked me why I haven’t shared any thoughts in a while; the previous week another friend said “David, you haven’t had any thoughts since March.” I said that was about right; my brain has been turned off since March—arguably longer. In reality I have had many thoughts since then; I have not published any here though. Today I thought I’d share some thoughts—it’s well past due.
Beware of thinking of our Lord as only a teacher. If Jesus Christ is only a teacher, then all He can do is frustrate me by setting a standard before me I cannot attain. What is the point of presenting me with such a lofty ideal if I cannot possibly come close to reaching it? I would be happier if I never knew it. What good is there in telling me to be what I can never be—to be "pure in heart" ( Matthew 5:8 ), to do more than my duty, or to be completely devoted to God? I must know Jesus Christ as my Savior before His teaching has any meaning for me other than that of a lofty ideal which only leads to despair. But when I am born again by the Spirit of God, I know that Jesus Christ did not come only to teach—He came to make me what He teaches I should be. The redemption means that Jesus Christ can place within anyone the same nature that ruled His own life, and all the standards God gives us are based on that nature.
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The thing I’ve been looking forward to the most for the past six months—Groovin’ on the Grounds—is over. It was totally sweet. My parents drove in from San Antonio and surprised me; I think they enjoyed it too. Lots of friends came out. We probably played to about 500 people I’d guess, and we made some new fans. The CD’s came in (barely). Thanks of the liars at the company we used the CD’s arrived Wednesday without booklets; the booklets arrived the morning of the show—at 1 am the day of the show the booklets were in Ohio—I didn’t sleep well that night. We sold lots of merch too. It was wild good fun; I think we entertained lots of people. It was great, but now it’s over.
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I’m a bit overdue on some thoughts I suppose. I’ve been writing a personal journal every night for the past two months, so I think my writing energy has gone towards that honestly. Anyway today a friend of mine challenged me with a simple reminder that life is not all about me trying to find the place that will best serve me—this is an endless pursuit without peace. The question for myself is how can I serve the place I find myself, not how can that place serve me. She reminded me of JFK’s challenge: don’t ask what *insert whatever here* can do for you; ask what you can do for *insert same whatever here.* A peaceful life starts with serving God and His children first and myself last. As many times as I’ve heard this though I am quite forgetful; I can be very selfish in relationships expecting people to treat me a certain way. In reality the highest calling is to serve people regardless of how they treat you; this is radiant. Jesus of all people did this; He is amazing.
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I’ll admit I look for reasons to make fun of Fox News because it’s always on at work. It’s not too hard; everything they report is a Fox News Alert no matter how non-newsworthy. Today I saw the headline that read something like “December Worst Month for Heart Attacks.” I thought “Yeah like having a heart attack any other month is much better.” It’s not a big deal, but they could have chosen better wording such as “December: Month With Most Heart Attacks.”
The footage for the story was mostly shots of obese people from the neck down. Is this news?
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Two topics today. I’ll start with the less serious one.
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Well I do not really know how to respond to what happened this weekend. On Friday A Soup Named Stew won the KLSU and Students on Target Battle of the Bands. This is shocking; I really don’t know how to respond to this. Although we had fun (and I guess the audience did too) we were nothing great: my guitar was not in tune; I popped a string; I screwed up parts I have never screwed up before; my tuner was being crazy—shorting out occasionally; my amp was feeding back at times; my voice was shot; we practiced once in the past two months. I guess it shows that sometimes it seems so much worse to the performers than to the audience. I don’t know, but I think every band played better than we did; I would not have minded losing to any of them. I enjoyed listening to everyone.
-- franksalot
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I’d say that since an entire city an hour away from my house has basically been destroyed sharing some thoughts is in order.
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I’d say some thoughts are long overdue, so here is my mental vomit—only slightly more organized…hopefully. Here’s what’s been happening in my hizzle (=head) lately:
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Wow. I can’t believe it’s been nearly a month since I’ve posted thoughts. I’ve been busy with VolunTEENs and A Soup Named Stew and other stuff. Here’s what’s been on my mind recently:
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Más thoughts:
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Here are some jumbled thoughts for today:
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If cluelessness were seahorses then I could form an entire water polo team…that’s my point exactly. (Today I posted a drawing based on this idea.)
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So no one ever considers him or herself to be a poor driver. Well I probably shouldn’t say no one, but most people think it’s everyone else who sucks at driving. I really don’t know if I’m a good driver or not. I try not to be too crazy, but I’m sure I could be safer at times (who couldn’t?) Well yesterday road conditions were even less than the normal less-than-favorable of Baton Rouge on a rainy afternoon.
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Serendipity:
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Last night I saw the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode III. (It’s so awesome to be a dork; I was excited just to hang out with my types before the movie.) The movie itself…happened; I’ll probably need to see it again when I’m struggling much less to stay awake to form a more solid opinion.
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I don’t really have a point (no surprise), but I think I just will post my process of writing this evening because process is so important. It’s Friday, and for once I’m going to hang out with some friends this evening. Too often I sit at home and update the Soup Named Stew website at the weekend’s dawn. I’m not complaining, just stating a synopsis of a typical Friday post 8 pm playout. Tonight I’ve worked on SNS’s site, and I’ve worked on davidloti.com. But as most weeks at this time, I once again feel just kinda here.
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Happy Not-Father’s Day. Last night I played Chi Alpha. It was a good show. Jon Schmidt and Chris Keegan joined me, and they were great. Jon used my extra harmonica holder to hold a giant cookie in front of his mouth while he played; it was most humorous; Schmidt is a funny guy. I think my set got cut short, and although I was frustrated at the time, I’ve learned it’s better for people to be left wanting more than to be hoping you’ll get off the stage soon. So it was probably best.
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